Do Yourself a Favor

Filipino's are believed to be very obedient and family oriented. We tend to have so much respect for our elders and we normally follow whatever is advised because we believe that they know what is best for us.

But as I observed things around social media, people are posting about being okay to remove people from your lives even when they are family or blood related.

I have two opinion regarding this matter though as it may really depend on the situation.

Based on experience, it is really not that good to always listen to people around you even when it is your family because they can be very discouraging sometimes. Like what my mom would kept on telling me without her knowing that it kind of make me feel little of myself. She always tells me that her colleagues said they feel bad about her working and that she should just be receiving some money from her children most especially when they knew that I am connected to BPO industry and that I have been working for couple of years already. She keeps on telling me that with her age which is around 54 years old she should just live life to the fullest instead of working. I felt bad because it seems like my capability and sacrifices are neglected.

I have been a breadwinner ever since. Even when I was a student I make sure not to be a burden to my mom so I would sell food, do some task, clean the faculty so my teachers would give me allowance. When I reached College I made sure as well that I save the allowance that I have coming from my Uncle and give it to my mom whenever she needs money but whenever I hear something like this from her it makes me cringe. It felt weird and I felt like my heart is in rebellion.

How can someone have the audacity to question my mom for working at such an age when it is not even a big deal in other countries?

Who the hell wanted to let your mom work and not enjoy life only if you could afford?

I cannot afford giving her any amount because we are struggling so much for our daily needs plus I already have a family of my own. Moreover, I have to find ways to support my sister because she is about to go to College.

I have supported my brother to College too and it was never easy. I have to enter left to right debt just for me to pay his tuition fees and even when I can imagine that it will happen pretty much the same for my sister I would just close my eyes.

At times this becomes an argument with my partner because he would kept on questioning me, why do I have to continue supporting my family when they should be able to stand on their own but then I just cannot turn my back.

I just felt sad that my mom would let other people bash me like that without defending me. I have to be the one to pay for our bills and buy groceries. At times I am the only one buying food while she would tell me she's short of budget.

I supported her and her live in partner with their little Karenderia before even when I had to give her capital almost daily all over again because a lot of people would not pay the food they owe to us. I tried to have her stop working but then I came to realize I cannot do it alone.

One of my Aunt told her that I should not be the only one working when other members of the family can still lend a job so why not work hand in hand?

I am really hurt right now and I am typing it because I cannot tell her straight so to avoid saying something that I would regret.

I hate hurting my moms feelings but I learned to just be straight faced every time she say something like this because I want her to know that I do not care of what other people says. I hate my situation so much but I cannot do anything.

Another opinion I have is, even when how they hurt you continue loving them. At times I wanted to vanish but only to realize that at the end it is going to be my family who can love me unconditionally. Even when my mom is like that and even when it hurts.

I really wanted to go far away but then life is short and I do not want to end up regretting those times that I could have created wonderful memories with them.

So I just continue to pray and pray that one day they realize that my feelings and that one day they could see through me.

I wanted to be successful and to put up some business but I am unable because my salary is not enough to pay everything. I wanted to give my mom the best in life but I just could not afford. How come it is so easy for other people to question someone when they do not even tried to put on my shoe?

I do myself a favor though, through writing this I get to release my disappointments and anger then tomorrow is going to be another day. I live it all up to God.

Image source: Unsplash

Article: XIX as of 7.9.2022

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