@Eunoia
more from that month
Great pretender says: I am fine, it's just that I am not okay. We seldom realize that whatever we think and we do we are still weak inside, whatever the situation where you freed the tiger or the dragon inside you to roar and spill a fire is still not strong enough. The moment we realized that we were fine, it was just that I am not okay. I am good, it's just that I felt bad inside, I think I am strong, it's just that I am weak in reality, I am who I am, it's just that I am not really what you see right now. I look like one but it's not.
In the dim light of the street, a girl named Susan is happily walking when people are seeing her. How brave she is that they knew she had a huge burden of the problem yet she still could smile, poise the graceless, and even sing. People think she was a happy woman, no problem won't be passed just that attitude said the other person that knew it was. In the next street light, it was broken and lights off. Susan wanted to walk a little bit slow, she count the step from one to tens. They thought that bubbly personality she had was the prudence option, but under the care of night, the broken glass and lens of the light she was smiling. But the smile didn't look fine, she cried. She just wanted that all the street lights from where she was walking were broken, for no one saw her crying, for no one could judge her weak acting, or just that no one would know she was broken into pieces. Who among us is like Susan, how brave you are to be a great pretender. Pretending you were happy and things were just good, acting like you were the one that made it the best. There was no good nor bad, just that I felt like we were in prison, we were captivated by the reality over the fake one. We were doing the false thing just to make other people. We were that Susan. I am the kind of person who wants to dwell in silence rather than to speak my reasonings. I am not that smile and jolly person but I think I know how to hide the burden still. The huge cargo of negativity, a fraction of little positivity, and minding the circle side of false. There is magic in pretending. In the first place, we were the actor and actresses of our own life, we were the person that writes the story of our own, we were the ones who makes the thing for our own and others to make them worthy of what we pretended for. A great pretender with a case, a magician and actors that wanted to change the reality, because we think the more we let the judgment come along and see the worth, that's the time we were safe. In Yen’s article where she stated that she just wanted to hear the word ‘are you fine?’ makes me freeze and realize that I am not the kind of living worthy of things in life. I honestly am not asking others if they were good or bad, because my instinct is telling me that they were not and they actually looked not, why did I still ask them? In the first place, I am still expecting that they will lie. But there was a moment when one person couldn't draw the line anymore. She was fine she said, but then I never talked and I never gave any second of sounds coming from my lips, she then said the reason, she is lying is because she doesn't want others to be part of the problem. That’s it. We told others we were fine for we don’t want them to involve, some don’t want to tell their parent what happened in school because they don’t want that their parent will interfere, some don’t wanna talks about the things in own. For me when the person wasn't yet ready to talk about what was the matter, the best thing to do is also remain silent, hop the topic in a way that they will forget a little bit. That’s really I am in the real world under this writing medium. When the person wasn’t yet ready to hatch the egg of the issue, let it incubate for a little bit of time, or help them to sit in the problem by merging the issue to something that will help them realize that yeah, still there is a chance to smile. Pretending to be good wasn’t that easy one, maybe sometimes it's just small and could carry but the more people are just acting they are okay and just fine. But when the burning feeling begins to uphold and explore, that’s a news story. Well after reading Mommy Yen’s article I think something is hugged in my head. Why did I never ask them? Why did I pretend not to notice? The ideology that I had to remain silent and not ask if they are fine or better feeling, that time actually changed my view a little bit. That's all, honestly, my brain wasn’t cooperative this first day of the new month, just that I don’t want to miss the first day, so I created a rush article lol, bare with me hehe. Thanks for reading…
18 comments
It's easy to pretend that you are ok even if it is not, God knows everything, what is inside your heart and mind.
Exactly, let just be with him no matter what happened.
Yeah you right
Your emotions are valid and it's okay not be okay.
Tama, its just fine no matter what hehe.
Number one ako pretender kuya na okay lang kahit sa loob ko ang trouble na. I realized my feelings and emotions are valid.
Exactly, it is also kind of normal feeling in the first place.
I'm a great pretender count me in buddy, sometimes it just so overwhelming and even we are fine yet we aren't feel so good it's just so ironic that we are fine but we are not good you know haha like it's okay to not be okay.
Yeah its so extravagant indeed to feels like we were bird flying yet suddenlty there is feeling we abaout to fall in the middle of the sky huhu. Ang bigat kaya ng ganoong feelings.
Ako na nagprepretend na okay kahit hindi naman talaga. Ikekeep ko lahat ng problema ko, hagga't maaari ayaw ko sabihin sa iba pero at the end nasasabi ko kasi ang hirap sarilihin. Dito never pako nag open sa personal ng mga problems ko, sa virtual world ko lang nasasabi kasi doon hindi ko nakikita mga nakakausap ko. Less judgement at mas magaling sila makinig kesa sa friends ko sa personal. Never din ako nag ask sa personal kung okay lang ba sila kasi gaya mo din, alam kong sagot nila Okay lang kahit hindi naman talaga. At ang ginagawa ko nalang din e tatahimik ayoko silang pilitin kung dipa sila handang sabihin yung totoong nararamdaman nila.
Diba, hirap kasi yung nakiki-alam na in the end of baka kasi tayu pa nakakasama sa sitwasyon hehe.
I have shared this, too. I am a great pretender, too. Ayaw ko magshare kasi ayaw ko din magpaburden pa sa iba, or kung alam kong may pinagdadaanan din sya. Pero once makaramdam ako ng certain someone na handang makinig, dun ako nag oopen up. Mostly thought, kay God talaga lang ako nag oopen.
Exactly me too, yung bang sure kang sila talaga yung makikinig sayu, thats the right time where we shall spoke what was the thing that killing us inside hehe.
Seriously, I am one of the best great pretender here for sure. Everyone may thought that I don't have a problem because of how I always make a joke and all. But deep inside too, I'm just like a glass too, so fragile and so emotional too. But even if I'm like that, alam ko pa ring pasayahin ang sarili ko. Pipilitin kong maging okay dahil dwelling into my sad feelings will just make me a depress woman. So nah. Let's get better. Let's get this man.
> There is magic in pretending... Oh how true is that statement? Most people spend their life living and pretending to be someone they don't, they do it so much that a significant amount of time will pass and they are not pretending anymore.
I too have this tendency at times, I pretend like I am very happy when times says its otherwise. You gotta pretend to be strong and capable sometimes otherwise other people will judge your capabilities.
am one of the great pretender too, just like Susan.. I don't want people to know me as a weakling especially that I have a son life is hard to imagine but I am still here hiding
In my point of view, we sometimes deny or even pretend and hide our feelings because we don't want other people to be worried.