My favorite bird is (Gallicolumba luzonica spp.)

What feeling that I had at this moment?. I don’t know either. Might be mixed emotion or emotionless, this might be some sort of question for my existence again, this was an art of cloudy thought and unclear vision for my head. A picture where I don’t know if its abstract structure or just that I am the one who doesn't understand. The blur and puzzle thing, the little exemption to my head. Part of me that really blanked, a system that was made with forgotten ideas and burn stanzas. This is me right now, where I don’t feel the emotions, I don’t see the light, alone enduring the chaos of myself. Just me whom I considered lame one.

I was surrounded with full negativity, that’s what I feels this last few days and yesterday. I could sense that I am not who I am at this state, or I don’t want the person inside at this time. I felt that the earth was crushing down to mine, the moon was getting closer to my place, and the sun was burning the feeling inside of mine. I don’t feel anything, even I could call myself numb for things happening at this moment.

I am an adult now, that might be also the reason why I could now control the negativities, but even though I pretend I didn’t hear or see it it's like they are hunting me back.

I remember Yen’s article where she mentioned that she often saw her husband looking at his fishes when he was too exhausted. I might answer why men could spend hours just looking at them.

When I was young I had a lot of pet animals. That was when I was in High school and teenager of course, I also dreamed of becoming a veterinary doctor so I wont be away from the ecstatic of animals. I loved birds when at that time, I had plenty of pigeon colonies where they were staying in a huge improvised cage that was attached to the soil floor.

I also tried to pet some racing pigeons including Flying-X. I also had fancy type of pigeon before, the pigeon where their feet had its feather unusual to the normal pigeon. I also have a dove, then I became interested in Ornithology. I found myself loving to read a book that listed all the birds that are seen in the Philippines. European sparrows, parrots, and pigeons, wild ducks and doves, but my favorite bird was the Luzon Bleeding Heart pigeon. The bird displays a red stain feather just beneath their heart, which I saw myself from them.

But things happened and I chose my study. I often go home and stay in my dormitory even on weekends. I choose to give them to whom I know had much more time to be with.

In college I also had a pet at boarding school. I had white hamster given to me by one of my mates who is also a pet keeper. That’s my stress remover in the dorm. But it was just a loss and I don’t know where it goes back then.

Now I had rabbits that again diverted the negativity of my surroundings.

That’s the answer why some of us could just look at the cages of animals, aquariums and aviaries. Because it feels like they were sipping the negativity of things, it's so relaxing watching them eating or just passing by, when they are talking with each other. We pictured as if we were one of the animals that were talking to some other, then in our thinking they could say a word and those words are the thought that within us, afraid to tell others for they might just get something more than negativity.

That was me before when I had a simple aviary of doves and pigeons. In the morning sipping coffee I was there and enjoying the sound they make, the courting voice of the male toward the female, the noisy greeting of the squab to the mother so they need to feed. I also missed that thing with me, maybe soon I will restart my pigeon venture just so that I get more onto my plans.

The one that helps me cope up from the negativity of my world right now is watching rabbits chewing the rice straw. Well I was blessed with people from the neighborhood, they had access to a farm and they asked me if I needed straw and yes of course haha, harvesting season will begin soon and also I had plans for it.

Maybe I cannot say what negativity I mentioned, but believe me when I say that it could still be tolerated, that’s all thanks for reading…