I Should Be Sleeping Now.

A few more seconds, and the clock blinked 2:00 a.m.

I heaved a sigh as I stared on to the white ceiling. I am now lying on my back, feeling comfortable on my old bed, but feeling uneasy at the same time.

I tried to remind myself of what happened today, trying to find a reason why I feel so exhausted when it's just a normal day.

I remember getting so pissed off first thing in the morning because the jeepney driver is deaf enough to not hear my voice; therefore dropping me off to a place almost eight meters away from where I am supposed to go.

I remember muttering words of annoyance, wishing his tires become flat or something, just for Karma to work its way faster.

The scene in the office ain't new, too. The usual cold place due to maxed out aircons that usually irritate me, has turned into a milder version of the Sahara desert. All aircons and possible electric fans are in place, but it's still hot.

It's due to some of the office windows being open these days. All of us are afraid of catching the corona virus in an enclosed space so we opened some windows to make the air flow. This made all the air conditioning units lose its main function. It's a sauna version 2.0.

As usual, I did all the stuff I usually do on my computer. Typing, few clicks, computing, talking to the calculator, answering calls, and a few minutes of break. My life here is like a repetition of a cliché script, a play that is always performed same time of everyday—I can not say I did not grow tired of it sometimes.

A few funny conversations with my colleagues are what kept me awake. Or a few fictional scenarios played on my head while typing innocently on the keyboard, my playful smiles hidden behind the face mask we are ordered to wear.

And my phone—It's a relief I have my phone. I have all stress busters I can ever think of inside: Korean Dramas, Kpop Music, read.cash, Youtube, and more stuff like that.

The bell finally rang, signaling that it's lunch time. An hour to eat, and do my own thing, or take a nap, probably.

I spent roughly ten minutes to eat and the next twenty to thirty minutes to scroll on my social media accounts, or read a few articles. The last fifteen to twenty minutes were meant for sleep, of course. I should gain energy to face another tedious half of the day.

Just when will this day end, really?

I reached for another pillow to cuddle with. You could only imagine how silly a smile formed on my face when I try to count how many times I looked into the time earlier, with the primary thought of coming home.

The awaited time has finally come, now I am walking towards the terminal, my sweat glands working as hard as they could, which naturally annoyed me in turn.

I was moving my hands so quickly with the vain attempt to fan my face, because it grew moist of perspiration.

The driver's loud voice started contributing to all the irritation that has built up today, and all I could just do is take a deep breath and scroll for mood-lifting tracks on Spotify.

A few more people 'on board' and the jeepney's finally departing. Finally, the only way I can get cooled up is due to the wind caused by this moving vehicle.

My head felt dizzy reading on my phone so I just kept it inside my bag and decided to just take a nap.

So as to not fully lose into sleep that time, I imagined a lot of things again. My favorite action scene from Vincenzo, or the moment I ate the ice cream of my favorite flavor. Some petty things like that.

My ears are still doing its job even my eyes are closed. I heard that the folks in front of me are talking about their boss. I think a majority of their words are curses, or bad words. I never knew foul words are parts of speech now.

I can see my destination a few meters away, so I woke myself up fully and spoke to the driver, "Para po!" loud enough for him to hear me.

Thankfully, this driver heard me this time.

I immediately changed clothes when I arrived home. Got my favorite biscuits and made myself a cup of milk. Yes, at this hot hour, a milk.

I haven't noticed it's already 7pm, almost three hours from when I got home. I can't believe I spent roughly three hours just scrolling to my cellphone. I can just get married with my phone at this rate.

Came dinner time. My family watched the news on the television while I resumed doing my thing.

All my family members are sleeping well right now, and I am still staring into the nothingness. That is plainly how my day went. Nothing new. Nothing remarkable.

Is this how I am really planning my days to go on? A few more hours and the sickening daily routine is about to happen again, still the same, but slightly different events this time.

It's another day, and I am still awake, no plans to sleep.

My phone lies just beside my feet, along with a smaller face pillow. I reached unto it, and turned it on.

All lights are off whenever it's nighttime here, so I can clearly see the moonbeam kissing some parts of the room. It illuminated the cabinet where I kept my college day writings, or unfinished journals, or some stuff I might have probably forgot about. Maybe I will read those tomorrow.

2:15 a.m. It has been fifteen minutes that my mind has been going on and off about random things. I am typing to my phone what's happening as of this moment, so I can just have some sort of a release.

I feel like I've become a robot, the difference is just I can clearly notice how boring, uneventful my life is, and this thought alone makes me feel so miserable.

This time of the night is the perfect moment to breathe all my vulnerabilities, my insecurities , all my regrets, that my amazing brain just unfolds into my consciousness like a book.

A tear fell, followed by a lot more, with the reason unknown. Maybe I just really want to release this all, everything I have been keeping inside.

The crickets started singing as I tried to hold back my whimpers. I could not make myself look at the mirror, as I know I look horrible right now.

These sleepless nights eventually formed part of my night routine, blending itself into my lifestyle. This will stop in the next few minutes, then I will go drowsy. It's like crying is the main ritual before I finally drift into dreamland.

Is it wrong if I wished I just remained in the dream world? At least in there, I am happy. I get to fly, I become a mermaid, or I am stronger.

Nevertheless, these are just random thoughts. In my mind, I am free to think about everything. And with pen, I am free to express it.

That is why writing is my escape in this reality. No matter how good or bad I am in it, it just helped me become myself, even just for a short while.

Hey there! This writing is so random, and a mixture of my real experiences and a touch of fictional narration. So it could be true or not in its own sense, haha.

Have you had some very late night thoughts as well? I would love to know them! Let's talk about it in the comment section.

Thank you for being here, it means a lot to me. Please enjoy your stay in my own world here in read.cash! Until next time!

#random #life #share #thoughts #experience

Lead Image source: 2 A.M.