Hey! Do you Have A Dream?

It was said that every person has at least one ultimate dream. One that he/she discovers as older he/she gets, and one that drives him/her to work for it. But what if that dream is nowhere to be found yet?

Entering adolescence, I realized that it is indeed possible to not have a dream. It may be hard to believe, but it happens. By the time I was almost graduating from highschool, I already saw my classmates applying to all possible colleges they could find, for entrance examinations.

I saw how they were already aware and sure of what course they'd take on, the career paths they see themselves in, but there I was, still holding on to that study only thingy, still unaware of what path I'd want to pursue. It felt horrible indeed, to be someone who can't identify what she dreams of becoming, what future she sees about herself, and that's me.

To be honest, mom was the one who worked on this entrance examination for me. I did not even bother going with ny classmates to look for schools to enroll at, nor check college applications online. I just remember myself thinking about the graduation that came soon. After that, none. It was a dark, obscure future. No matter how hard I tried to think about it, I was aware that I was unprepared, scared, and unsure of where I should be headed.

So, I took the entrance exams my mom herself applied me for. If mom did not do that, I won't have pursued college because as I said, I did not really work on checking out college universities. In the entrance exams, I got a good score and was eligible for the highest rated course there is. You know, that bracket system? Like if you got 80-100 (numbers used are just for example) you are eligible for all courses, if 60-79, you are okay to take the courses which are up to a certain ladder only. In short, the availability of your choices gets more limited as your entrance exam results go lower.

Up until the exact enrollment day, I was still unaware of what program I should take. Then I saw this one course with least people on queue. Other courses had long lines of college-soon-to-be people. It may sound so funny, or random, or call it whatever, but that's ONE of the reasons I took BSA, or Bachelor of Science in Accountancy. I saw two of my highschool classmates also with me in that short queue of applicants so it made me happy. At least I am not alone into this course I know absolutely NOTHING about. It just sounds really professional and all, when I first heard it. I also heard Accountants work in the office, and being the innocent (or I could call it ignorant) young adolescent I was, I thought it would just be easy, and the career I am heading to will just be an easy one.

One reason, too, is that one guest speaker from our highschool graduation, who is a CPA (short for Certified Public Accountant) and we witnessed how good and comfortable her life has become with her profession. I was inspired by her words, encouraging foods for thought, and of course, how she shared her life when she was still a student, and not yet a CPA. That time, I said to myself, "I'm gonna aspire like this empowered woman, and be an accountant like her."

I got more reasons why I took this course, but I only mentioned two that are most remarkable. Thinking about it right now again, made me realize all other reasons. However, I did not find the reason going along this line, "Because it is my dream."

I have shared in my old articles the hardships I went through in this four year college life of mine as a student majoring in Accountancy. I had to learn everything from scratch, because no one in our family had jobs related to this—actually, I am the very first, and still the only college graduate in our family as of now. I pursued this course, was able to graduate successfully despite all the hindrances, and is now working in thus field. Not yet a CPA, though, because I haven't taken the Licensure Exams yet nor even took CPA Boards Review. My reason? I don't like online classes because I already found it hard to learn face to face, what more about online? And the other one, I will be honest, it's not really my dream.

Sure, being a CPA is still one of the things in my bucket list. To tell you, it WAS even one of my prayers to God everyday. If I'm gonna write a prayer request, or a wishlist, being a CPA is surely one of them. Working as accounting staff is fine (that's what I am doing now), but passing the licensure exams, and getting a CPA License is indeed more favorable. It guarantees better paying jobs, and even more opportunities, if compared to a non-CPA yet.

It has been two years that my CPA goal has not yet been achieved. And to share the truth, I have already forgotten almost all of the complicated stuff I used to study and mastered back in my college days. Not a good thing, yeah, I know. What bullets would I have for the Board Exams if I don't even had a proper review, let alone refreshing my knowledge regularly?

I think I have talked so much about it already. But I will emphasize once again, that being a CPA is not a dream to me. Maybe also a reason why I don't even bother myself applying to review centers and taking board exams. As of now, I feel pressured and anxious, what if being a CPA is now a fading goal of mine? Yes, I don't want it, personally, but my family would be sad, everything who has expectations of me would be, and even somehow disappointed. And I might be left behind by my peers who are working on it, some even passed already.

And so it became a major goal to me. And overtime, I somehow grew to appreciate this career path I took. Whatever stage of my life I am right now, I feel that contentment already, despite not being a CPA yet.

Now, why did I say all these things? Because I have been in this situation, I used to be one of those who still doesn't have an ultimate dream for myself. Obviously, a comfortable, successful future is a dream to me (and I guess it is, to everyone). A good life for the family, a sustainable financial health and others, are some of them.

Later in my adulthood though, I completely fell inlove with writing, and I am now thankful I got to do this dream.of mine (to be a writer) even it's just a side hustle to me. It's okay for me. I am grateful enough that I have somehow found a dream of mine in this lifetime. Though this dream may still change—I might discover a new one in the future, I think, it's still fine.

I haven't found my dream yet.

What about the people that still these thoughts? Some may even be older than me, and may NOT still be able to give a definite answer to the question, "What is your dream?"

This blog is inspired by my late-night talk with my younger bro, who is now a college student. I said it last night, and thankfully, I could really write an article about it like how I wanted.

My younger brother is now on his third year in this particular course, and he opened up to me how he has not felt anything worth liking in here. He is not in any way, happy with the course he took, and finds it hard to absorb the lessons no matter how he tried to. You know, this situation where.. he is not stupid, he just does not appreciate the stuff he went into, and shared that he does not see himself pursuing the related career path in the future.

And that feeling is miserable, I tell you. Imagine taking a course that you don't really like, and thinking how you'll be forced to pursue it as your future. Imagine how miserable that would be. I told him, he should have shifted course when he was still on first or second year, like, of course, the earlier you make decisions, the easier and less hassle and expensive the process would be. I could not fully blame him though. He was hesitant to share about this, and had thoughts that went along this idea, "Maybe if I stayed, I'd grow to love this on the way.." However, he clearly did not.

I told him that it's okay if he'd shift courses and pursue one that better suits him. I am actually kinda cool with it, because I understand him. He took that course, because like me, he did not have any idea what he's pursue in college.

As the conversation went longer, I asked him what course he would take, if ever he'd push the change. And to my surprise, he said he does not know yet. Amidst that pressure he's feeling about the current situation, he's also in the dark, still clueless on who he really wants to be. He's still has not found his personal dream yet.

Our conversation ended like that, because dad said we had to sleep.

Having No Dream (Yet) is Possible

I wished it were as easy like others. Like that one day, suddenly the dream would just knock into my heart and add a bonus of overflowing passion to achieve it.

"I want to be a singer!"

"No hesitation, I wanna be a doctor!"

"I would be a police!"

"I would establish a business!"

"I would get married at age xx and have a family in this country!"

But, yeah it's life. It can be cruel as this, having others experience difficulty in discovering their dreams; thus paralyzing their chance to know the purpose of everything they do. It's like walking without direction, or finding the destination with no torch nor lamp to light the way. They are left in the dark, chasing life while searching for meaning, because they can't still identify what they really want.

I remember this quote from Min Yoongi of BTS:

No need to rush.

For me, this idea of Yoongi's right. It's okay to not have a dream. As long as we are happy and contented with our present lives and where we re headed, it's fine. Who knows? That dream may only be discovered at later years of our lives, and I believe that God has a reason and purpose for that.

For my younger brother, I wish he won't pressure himself so much for feeling clueless in this age he's in. Adulthood is like that, it always introduces us to lots of confusions, pressures, and sense of being lost.

I was lucky enough to learn liking accounting through the years. It may be not my dream, but I appreciate it sincerely. I hope my siblings can be like that, too. And that sooner, they can discover what path they want to go. They definitely have my support.

Have you discovered your dream already? Or do you also feel lost? Feel free to share your insights, and what you've gotten from this article. Until Next Time!

-Elle ♥️ | To God be all the Glory.

• Lead Image from Unsplash