I'm Depressed

Depression is a sad feelings of gloom and inadequacy,I think this definition was referring to me, I'm sad and I felt so inadequate at the moment. So as i walked into my room and sat on my bed after a long day at work and then I thought about my life from the start. Oh ! Am in pain, the embarrassment I received today by my Boss's son was exactly what breaks my heart. I mean it is worse enough that my parent aren't well to do, it's saddens my heart how I need to brick up my life from foundation to roofing, oh ! I'm depressed. Every day of my life comes with a challenge, a constant reminded of how I need to brace up and finish the fight against poverty that my parent couldn't finish, a challenge on how I need to first fullfil my mother's dream before I fullfil mine, a challenge on how a single soul has to carry so much borden, my heart is indeed heavy. My community doesn't really have much respect for female gender, they don't expect anything extraordinary from girls, just give birth once you have reach pubic age, no future plan aside from their husband's house, now am constantly fighting a battle of not falling into that same pit myself. The life of a village poor girl, growing up was hard, so many obstacles I faced to survive and at that point I was left with no other option.

My society doesn't value girl's Education after secondary school and even your secondary school result doesn't matter, you fix yourself up with a skill after and before your freedom, you will have gotten a man that will pay for your freedom and then straight to your man's house, there another life begins. I was raised in an environment where as a female girl you practically have to do everything at early stage of your life,going to school was just a camflage,the real deal is in the house, you will poundyam like your life depends on it, we cook with stone setting and fire wood and we don't buy it, we fetch for firewood, we don't buy raw food ofcourse we have farm, and working on the farm is one thing you can't escape as a lady, you go to the farm at dawn come back in the evening to come and cook and pound yam with firewood settings, we go looking for water 7km away from our abode, and few days that we don't have to go to the farm, we hawk after school.

I managed to pass through this phase and now that I am in the city working for a rich boss, just to gather fund and continue my education, my boss's son wanted to have his way with me. I am so certain this isn't love but pure lust, he was just carried away by my look and meekness and decided to use his influence on me, just imagine the war I had fought to get to the city and imagine he had his way and I got pregnant, he will rather give me money to abort or he sack me. All of this thought I was having on my head while sitting helplessly on my bed and also the guilt that comes with the way I pushed him over the wall while he mistakingly hit his head on it. I saw his fresh blood, i was so scared, I wanted to faint, I'm sure he didn't know that I'm a local breed and my bones are quite different from that of the city girls but nevertheless I was mad at my self, I picked up my bag and ran away, it's so certain that am not returning to that job again. And then it bounced on me that I'm jobless again, oh ! I'm depressed.

And then another thought pop into my head, I am so certain that if my parent were rich, I won't have gone through this suffering, it just too much. If all this is a dream someone should wake me up ! I need peace, I need to be happy, I need to live a comfortable life but before all of that happens, I need a job first but right now, I'm inadequate.