Why do you see it as a means of Payment?

I cannot but talk about this issue even though it has been long overdue in my mind although I have tried to be mute about it. I think or should I say that I believe today is the day meant for me to voice out my opinion on this issue that has gradually eaten up most relationships. The thoughts I will be expressing in this article are my personal experiences and findings which I have garnered over the years.

This does not mean that I am a professional but it means that I am a human being who has made a deliberate effort to understand some of the things that have affected the smooth flow of our love lives as individuals. Some of us must have had this discussion with friends and it may have ended well or sour. This is because it is a very delicate matter which one must approach with a careful and unbiased mind. You can’t discuss it without being balanced all through the process because the moment it is perceived that you are not balanced, it turns into an argument. This is why I would try to be as balanced as possible so as not to give room for arguments that will not lead us into a better understanding of the bone of contention.

I guess by now you will be wondering what the issue might be. I would want you to wonder no more. The issue I am talking about is nothing other than;

·        Sex and what both genders see it as.

For me to do this better, I would want to talk about sex not because you do not understand what it is but because this article will be incomplete without it.

Let us talk about Sex

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The world we are living in today has made it very necessary that we must talk about sex either directly or indirectly. Sex in this context is not about gender rather it is used to represent the intercourse that happens between both genders. Although a lot of ideologies have emanated which has distorted the age-long idea of what sex or sexual intercourse is and what it was meant for, which is why we see a whole lot of other forms of sexual intercourse either between same-sex, human and animal, human and toys. This does not erase the fact that sex was initially meant not just for fun but for procreation. In this day and age, a lot of people have taken sex as a means of reward for one form of favour or the other. This is exclusive of those who serve as sex workers. I would want you to focus more on what we now see sex as.

I was in a phone conversation with a friend and somehow we found ourselves talking about relationships and the role of men in relationships. Something struck me when I heard her point of view about what I said. Mind you, the relationship we are talking about is outside the gates of marriage.

Now, I told her that a man who has not married a woman officially (according to the traditions within your environment) is not under any obligation to take care of the ladies needs both financially and otherwise. I continued by telling her that whatever the man does for her should be seen as a show of love and care and not an obligation. She did not allow me to finish before cutting in with her response. She said; “if that be the case then, there should be no sex in a relationship outside marriage”. She continued by saying that sex should also not be seen as an obligation.

I know that a lot of us are already battling with words that are boiling in our minds right now but I would want you to calm down and try to comprehend everything before jumping to hasty conclusions. In other not to confuse us, I would want us to look at this issue from the side of both genders.

What ladies want (W.L.W)

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I am not a woman to say that I understand fully what they want but I am talking based on the things I have observed in both my relationships and that of others. What I am about to say is particularly seen within the shores of Africa especially Nigeria. 

This is not in any way a means of generalization of every woman’s want in a relationship. The moment a man asks a lady out on a date, it is assumed that he is ready both financially and mentally to take care of the lady’s needs starting from that moment. This is practically what goes on in the mind of most ladies even though they may deny the fact. Some will tell you on the first that they are not out for your money but after the first few months, you will begin to see them act differently. Now, looking at the issue at hand, you will understand that most ladies went into a relationship not necessarily out of love but because the guy will be able to take care of their bills.

When this becomes the motive for a relationship, sex or sexual intercourse will now be seen as a means of payment instead of as a means to express love with one another. Most times I get to hear ladies talk about sex as though it is a one-sided thing. They make it look as if the man is the only person who is enjoying whatever there is to enjoy during the process.

By the time a man is made to believe that the only thing a woman has to offer in a relationship is sex then, the woman begins to lose her relevance the more the man gets the sex. This is exactly what happens in most relationships and by then, the woman will begin to feel like another piece of furniture whenever she visits the man. If as a woman you develop such mentality that sex is your means of payment, then you must also understand that this man who is yet to marry you can get this sex from commercial sex workers even at a cheaper rate and in any style or form he may want it.

A piece of quick advice for the single ladies

• ·        The most important thing for a lady to do is to stop seeing herself as a piece of sexual gratification for the man.

• ·        As a woman, you must struggle to give yourself a true meaning for your existence because when you don’t have value within you, you cannot create value. Just as we know; you cannot give what you don’t have.

• ·        Make a man want you so bad. The truth is that a lot of ladies have misunderstood or misinterpreted this statement. This is why you see them going under the blade to change one thing or the other in their body just to look more alluring to the men. You can make a man want you without being naked or destroying yourself all in the name of enhancing yourself. Don’t forget that once a man ejaculates, he does not need you if you are only a sex toy for him.

What the guys want (W.G.W)

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The first mistake most men make when it comes to relationships is misplacing their priority. If you as a man want to go into a relationship and the only reason you are going into a relationship is that the lady is beautiful and you would want to have carnal knowledge of her then, you have already started to fail as a man. Sex is not and should not be seen as a trophy that must be won at all costs. The truth is that even the Bible commands men to love their wives and if for any reason you decide to date a lady then, you must be sure that you truly love her. It is the love you have for her that will make you go the extra mile for her in terms of material and emotional sacrifices without looking for a reward which you ultimately think sex stands for.

Never make the mistake of thinking that a lady cannot get sexual gratification from elsewhere if she chooses irrespective of the amount of money and emotional sacrifice you commit in the relationship. This is why you should try and show the lady an overflowing level of love that money does not necessarily give. This will make her loyal and respectful to you just as the Bible commands them to do.

A piece of quick advice to the guys

• ·        Don’t ever think you can buy love with your money remember that even the world richest men are all facing marital challenges which have led them to divorce.

• ·        As a man, how you see a woman goes a long way to determine how you will treat her. If you have not been looking at that lady you are dating as a potential wife, then you are missing a very big point. Although not all relationships end in marriage, you must try to look beyond the shores of dating.

• ·        Never make the mistake of putting a woman to the test because we are all humans and we are bound to fail.

• ·        The most important thing every man must do is to bring out the best in the woman you are dating. Help her to achieve her dreams in life because that is when you will have her true loyalty.

I will end this article here because I believe I have been able to pass the message across to us. Thank you for reading this bulky article of mine and please, do not attach your love to anything, let it come from within.

Davinchysax loves you…

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