Random Thoughts

Can't explain what I feel 

Have been finding a lot of things hard these days, I can't even explain what I'm feeling now, maybe there's no name for it because is kind of mixed feelings, I have been feeling too weak lately, I can't even tell anyone about what I'm going through because I don't even know what I'm going through myself, sometimes when I think about the things of smile I will be happy and sad at the same time, why is life so full with so much happiness and so much sadness at the same time.

Why can't there be true genuine happiness like the way it happens in the movies “living happily ever after” I just want someone to tell me that everything will be alright and things will be alright, life is like a gamble and we can lose it all with a little mistake or being at the wrong place, expectations being cut short, people smiling with pain in their heart and an empty stomach, some say life is a gift but why does it feel like a curse.

Being born with no rich parents, man has to find his way to have a better, the environment he stays is not giving him much encouragement because the people there expect him to own a car in his early 20s by any mist, fraud becomes the order of the day, anyone that is not into fraud will be called a clown, why the F are you not into it? Don't you want to be called “baba for the girls” and be spending money everywhere you go? Don't you want to be hype by the hype man or do you just decide to choose to suffer overall these sweet opportunities in front of you? 

Even those people you look up to are into fraud on a low key, you will see them asking for ID.me, Cashapp tag, Venom, etc on their Whatsapp status, people holier than you are into fraud but you just choose to be there looking like you are lost, that's the reason you have never had a girlfriend in your life before, well, might be true though, but I just want to live a life that I will be able to enjoy and still sleep with two eyes close, without being the reason someone can't sleep at night, that might not guarantee me a successful life but at least I know what I did is right. 

How can someone be hustling for money to feed and at the same time be praying not to die in the hustling field, there's actually no manual for a happy and successful life, because life is not a pattern that has just one code for everyone to use, just yesterday here I heard that a woman that was doing POS business in front of our office died months back, my boss asked the neighbor what caused the death because she wasn't looking like someone that is sick, though she's slim, the neighbor said that she was sick for a long time before giving up her ghost, only God knows what killed her, Bad things happen to the good people than the bad people, life is just somehow now. 

These are random thoughts in my head, I just can't think of one topic to write on, yesterday wasn't that stressful but I was just too weak to do anything, I didn't even know when I slept off, by the time I woke up, I thought it was already morning, I never knew I just slept for an hour, but still, I was just lying till I slept again, nothing interests me again, unless Rusty visit, lol, but just hope my hustle won't be cut short, I hope I achieve what I am working for and also enjoy the fruits of my labors. To God be the Glory. 

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22/12/2021