I can't do it

Have you ever been in a situation where you will start talking to yourself to either do it or leave it, well, I usually have those thoughts when I want to approach a girl and sometimes i will do it and start laughing at myself later for not being able to communicate with her properly, while sometimes I won’t do it, I will just let it slide and start thinking why I didn’t do it, not that I was afraid but I just don’t have the energy at that time.

Today is one of the days, haha, okay let me tell you the story from the beginning.

I woke by like every other day by the grace of God, got prepared, and went for work, got to work and my senior colleague was already waiting for me at the office, I'm the one with the key, so he was outside, I opened the office and there was no power supply at the moment, he gave me money to buy fuel for the generator and I went as a quick as possible, after some time, power was restored, he continued with what he was doing and I was just relaxing and doing random things, just don't know what I was doing sha.

Quick one: Valentine is drawing close and my account isn't smiling with me at all, yeah yeah, I know that I'm single but that doesn't mean I won't celebrate Valentine, I just want to spoil me a little with your BCH. Drop a tip to support my treat.

I and my female colleague was chatting at the reception and I was asking her some questions like why doesn't she cook to the office, at least in a while so we boys can eat and pray for her to have a good boyfriend that won't serve her breakfast, she was smiling and she told me to give her the money to cook, she will do it, I looked at her and said to her, so if i give you money, you go take? She legitimately said yes, I smiled and relaxed, haha.

Fast forward to this evening, I was at the studio mixing a song, and feeling it, I have a project on the way and it's a secret though, the only people that know are the ones that want to contribute to it in one way or the other, though it wasn't what I was working on, it feels like I have a long way to go, though I don't see it, I'm trusting God and the process in everything I do, one call can change my life for the better, one email or direct message can still change my life for the better.

I decided to close the office and go home as the time was almost 9 pm, I had to rush home and relaxed, I was having this urge to sleep at the office but I clear it off my mind, haha. I went to a store to buy a detergent so I can use it to watch my clothes as some of the clothes need washing. 

This is it right here, remember what I wrote at the top “I can't do it” here is how it went, I went to the shop and met some girls there that also wanted to purchase something from the shop, one was inside and the other was outside waiting, I looked and couldn’t get my eyes off her, she’s black and beautiful with her lips that was calling out to me, she was on the call and I decided to wait a bit for her to end the call, my mind was already telling me to approach her and I agreed with it.

This is the one, so said my heart and I just felt this energy around me like a fairy tale movie that butterflies will be rounding us and magical things will happen, well, I was just imagining it, haha, until I heard her say to the person over the phone “hope you haven’t forgotten the 20k (40$) you promised me” immediately I heard it, my whole imagination fell apart like a broken kingdom, haha. Is as if she knew I wanted to say hello, because she said it loud and clear, that’s when I told myself that “I can’t do it”

It wasn’t only about the money, though it was about the money, I just have to leave go of somethings for now, anything that involves debit alert that won’t favor me financially, I run away from it, I don’t want to be caught in the middle of depression.

I believe it was an angel that saved me from talking to the girl. 😅

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03-02-2022