Mistakes And Misery

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Avatar for Bjorn
Written by
2 years ago

Some people talk about their success but forget about their failure. Every successful person has undergone several failures and struggles before they reach the top.

You might think that my post today is about success, it is more about failure actually. This post is inspired by @bbyblacksheep with her post, Failure. Thanks for giving me hints. 

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I just find it more interesting to talk about failure than talking about success. Financially speaking, I am not yet successful. I don’t own a car, I don’t own a house and I don’t even have savings in the bank but I am somehow trying to find ways to deal with these things.

Currently my earnings are set to finances for my kids education and day to day expenses. However I can say that I am already successful in some aspects of life like having healthy kids and having beautiful wife can consider myself successful. 

Anyway that was just my intro for this post as success has always twinned with failure. 

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Back in my school days, I never had a failing mark in my class cards, not even once. I may have lower grades in some subjects but I never had experience of having a remedial class or retake of subjects. In short I never failed my parents with regards to schooling only when I was about to graduate in college.

I thought I could make it to college without disappointing my parents, especially with my mother. It was during the last semester before graduation when I could no longer bear the pressure of surviving to finish the course, and then having difficulty with financial assistance.

I was almost about to give up. Sometimes I would go with my friends from other universities and get drunk. Then I would go home wasted until my mother would be disappointed at me. 

One thing that concerned her was that the university was 40 KM far from our home. She was worried I might be messing with other passengers on the bus because I was drunk.

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The incident has been repeated several times but my parents don’t mind me. However I still continue going to school and I never skip class although I'm a bit dumb sometimes.

There was one circumstance that my parents, my mother especially as she was the one who was really eager to have her kids educated, felt like I totally failed them.

Four days before the commencement exercises, I met an accident that made my mother's heart really break.

I attended the graduation of a friend from another university. We celebrated and drank as if there was no tomorrow.  I was a blind drunk as hell that my friend wasn’t able to manipulate me. I insisted on driving the motorcycle and then boom! In a split second I was lying on the road with a large scar on my left face covered with blood.

I didn’t feel anything like I was hurt physically or something. Maybe because of the high amount of alcohol I consumed that my body was numb to injury.

My friends took me home as I don’t want to be taken to the hospital. They were so embarrassed with my mother as they couldn’t explain that it was all my fault.

My classmates and batch mates were shocked when I attended that graduation with a swollen left face and a large scar. There was also a blood clot on my left eye.

I kept smiling so as not to make them worry but their facial expression was still in awe. Mother was beside me and I know how she felt that day. I can sense her feeling of humiliation because of me but she wouldn’t let it show.

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I just realized how hard it was for a mother seeing her child that way. Another child who is seemingly a disappointment for her. 

I know my mother had so many questions during those times. A lot of whys and hows. 

It was a failure. Failure to comply with the rules. Failure to obey. Failure to be sane and responsible. Failure to know the circumstances before doing an action.

Failure always has a connotation with mistakes. However mistakes can be corrected and forgivable so that we can move on with our life. In the same manner failure needs a second attempt, third and fourth and so on so that we can achieve what we desire. 

Failures are always part of our every living. Big or small it is still a failure. Failure to pay the bills or failure to secure electrical devices when leaving home. Even adding too much cream on your coffee is a failure.

As for the failures I have brought to my parents, I made a deal to myself to become a good father when I already have my own family. With my parents knowing this I am certain that somehow I make up things with them by showing that I can raise my kids with good character.

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But one day I know things will happen again. I know that one of my kids will disappoint me in the future. Life is a series of unexpected failures. We just have to be strong enough to face it.   

Thanks for reading. Ciao!


Feel free to check my previous posts:

The Homemakers

Theories Are Not Enough

The Great Story Teller

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Avatar for Bjorn
Written by
2 years ago

Comments

Thank God that nothing super serious happened to you. Naalala ko yung dating workmate ko with regards sa motor and inom. Back ride siya and lasing sila pareho as in lasing. Di ko masyado alam details pero nadala pa daw sa ospital and lumaban kaso di rin kinaya. 😭 tapos yung nagddrive balita ko nagtago na. Pero kasabihan din kasi dito sa atin di ba kapag maggraduate na malapitin sa disgrasya?

Anyway, success naman ang pinublish ko kagabi. Hahaha. Syempre after failure ay success. I agree that life is a series of unexpected failures and we have to learn from those.

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2 years ago

haha masyado kasing marupok nong kabataan. nakuha yong hinahanap. 🤣

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2 years ago

I never once thought about voluntarily messing up my studies. Not because I am a goo student model or stuff like that. Maybe because I had no choice. My parents were able to instill into me that only having a proper education can give me a better future. I always dreamt of being financially stable, because years ago, we were always struggling (until now, but not that much). Maybe these are my drives to still push through even I sometimes just want to give it all up.

I am kinda different with you in some ways. I have experienced failing a subject and taking a qualifying exam (same as a remedial exam, I think). That if I fail in that exam, I will say goodbye to my course and the PUP system forever. It is a big failure to me, and so much pressure is on my shoulder.

I am thankful that my parents never gave up on me, nor showed any dismay. Instead, they even comforted me and cheered me up. You are very lucky you have such supportive and understanding mother. She even became your inspiration to become a better person.

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2 years ago

yes, although sometimes I feel like I was a burden during those times that I wasn't able to good. But parents are parents and they always have a broad understanding when it come to their children and I can feel that now that I am also a parent.

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2 years ago

Yes, thankfully you learned your lesson. Because sadly not all children do. :(

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2 years ago

The word"Failures" brought me here, reading your writing. Same as you, I am interested in talking about failures rather than success. In my point of view, failures usually bring out the best in us. It taught us a lot, and from success, there always "failures" that came first.

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2 years ago

It really is start with failure for every success. more like a hierarchy of failures. thanks for reading.

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2 years ago

Ba't di na pala kita nakikita sa noise, kuya Lars?

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2 years ago

Some are lucky to achieve their success directly. But some are unfortunate to first experience failure. But we must not lose our hope because there's always a right timing for everything. Although we exeprience failure now but we must not worry because all of our sufferings are all part of the plan. And that plan is known only by our God. He will reward us for our sufferings, so no matter what we're going through right now, what matter the most is our faith.

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2 years ago

Yes indeed, everything will fall into the right places in God's perfect plan.

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2 years ago

If it was meant to be all perfect, then life would be oh so boring! Kudos, kuya/sir/manong!

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2 years ago

As you wish.. thanks for reading.

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2 years ago

ay suplado ni kuya lars wala pong anuman, sir

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2 years ago

hehe... ikaw ang suplada. 😂

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2 years ago

di rin

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2 years ago

check your twitter please

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2 years ago

bakit, kuya?

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2 years ago

wala lng.. wala n kasi ako fb haha.. di ko alam kung saan ka pede i msg privately.

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2 years ago

dko din inoopen twitter ko kuya. telegram pde naman

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2 years ago

oh ok... no worries..

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2 years ago

No doubt, she was disappointed. A father might not be good at hiding it but a mother is so good at not showing it and she would still show support even with the hurt. I remember when we had an open day in my secondary school days as we call it here in Nigeria. One of the teachers said I wasn't doing well in her class and dad made a scene hahaha. He was obviously angry and I was just there, looking. What else was I to say? 😂😂🤣

I can relate to that feeling of disappointment when they expect better but we let them down. Like you said, disappointment is part of life. We will disappoint people and others would disappoint us too.

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2 years ago

yes but no matter how hard disappointment was, we can always make things up.

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2 years ago

Yes, we can.

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2 years ago

Mistakes, heartaches, mothers --> broken heart.

Remembrance forever...

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2 years ago