My First Time Here

Hello guys you can call me Bee. I'm new here. I love writing, and I joined this platform because I was hoping to hone my skills as a writer (; . Also I heard people in this community are nice. I've taken my time to go through one or two posts and I have commented on the said posts. I find that a lot of you are overly optimistic, and it scares the living day light out of me because I'm by nature a staunch pessimist.

I have heard all the arguments in favor of optimism, alas, I can only be who I am, no more no less. If you're curious as to why I choose this approach to life, then I hope my humble explanation makes any sense to you.

First, I find that being optimistic is just setting yourself up for disappointment. I believe that if I wake up every morning thinking to myself "oh! It's going to be a great day", and it turns out to be bad, then life would have gotten the better of me. On the other hand, of I think "today is going to suck", and good things happen, I find I am pleasantly surprised. While it may seem counter intuitive that pessimistic views set you up for surprising happiness, I have experienced this too many times to believe otherwise.

People also say things like optimism helps you act. They think that as long as you're expecting something good, you'll work towards it. But I think to myself everytime that the worst has happened in my head. I go into everything I go into in life thinking the exact same thought. Imagine my level of happiness when I find life isn't as bad as I imagine. When things work out better than you expect (even when they don't go right, but don't just go as wrong as you expected in the first place), you could get foolish and start developing optimistic ideas -again, allow me to note that I just implied that the best way to get optimistic is to be pessimistic-, but lace it to life to bring you down by disappointing you hopelessly. I do strongly believe that it takes as much wisdom to stay pessimistic as it does to stay optimistic.

While I'm a pessimist, I never impose my views on anyone. I tell people to do what works for them. I know there's no rule book to life. I'm a person that hates surprises. Even when they are good, I get angry mostly at whomever is responsible for them. It's my nature. I find that pessimism prepares me against such negative surprises. I never shy away from things I want to do because I don't think it could go well. Despite my being pessimistic, I think I have a positive attitude to life. Because instead of thinking "it's not going to go well,,, why do it at all", I think instead "what's the worst that could happen"? Again, it doesn't look it that a pessimist thinks his attitude is positive, but attitude and belief are different after all. If you want to know this, then I'll show you how an optimist can have a negative attitude. An optimist could think "it's going to go well, let me give it my all". But he could also think " it's going to go well either I work hard or not". This is a negative attitude from an optimist.

While I have a pessimistic mindset, I have strong motivation, and a lot of youthful energy. I have nothing to lose and everything to gain, so I approach every problem I approach in life like a lunatic that I probably am.

Also, in the spirit of being fair, I think I should take about my health coz pretty much everyone is open. I had a psychotic episode in 2017, and I was diagnosed with atpd (almost the same as schizophrenia just technical differences). I was placed on medications for life, bit I never take them seriously.

I don't feel bad for myself because I think it's fun. I find it fascinating that I've never taken alcohol, or smoked a cigar, and I'm the one nature chooses to run mad. It makes me feel important. Plus every time I relapse from not using my drugs for months, I get very creative. Lol.

(: