I was totally fine this morning. I woke up without any body aches and was all ready to face the day. I was surely in a good mood. I greet everyone at the house, my friends on chat, and thanked God for this another day. Everything was normal. I proceeded to work having a clear head and determined. Not until this heavy feeling caught me off guard while I was at work. I still managed to restrain myself during my working hours in the morning. I'm still acting normal and still even exchanging laughs with the boss.

I finished the tasks in the morning without letting this heavy feeling affect me. I went downstairs and ate my breakfast after that. I was even joking with my co-workers and in our group chat on Telegram. I even posted an excerpt from our conversation on my Facebook and some writers reacted to it.

I just joked about the end of the holy week. I said that since it is already over, I would be also going back to being the devilish person that I am and also because acting like a kind one is getting me a guilty conscience. It's just a joke, of course, but I guess that's who I really am. "Nature ba, nature." I give the credits to @DennMarc for that line.

In a little while after joking around and laughing to my heart's content, it was like a sudden shift of mood, or what they call a mood swing. I went upstairs to observe the trainee, then when I sat there beside her, I started to become silent and lost all the energy in my body. It's like cold water has been poured above my head, sending chills down to my spines, and making my chest heavier and heavier every second.

At first, I choose to contain and tolerate it but after a while, I already felt like there was something that was piercing through my heart. It hurts, but I'm sure that I'm not broken. It's just purely a mood swing out of nowhere and I'm too weak to handle it. I was embarrassed to show it to my trainee so I ran downstairs to the bathroom and lock myself in there. She is also my friend but I'm not ready to let her see this side of me. There, I spent my time crying for 10-minute straight, letting out all that pain inside me.

When I was able to calm down, I wiped my tears, took a deep breath, and went back to her as if nothing had happened. I tried to get back to my happy mood for the whole day but it was hard to force it. That's where the alcohol would make its entrance into the scene when I can't handle it anymore. I don't know what kind of magic it has in every sip, but yeah, it is quite effective every time. I went outside to the store where they are selling Soju and bought 2 bottles.

As I have said in my previous article, "Life Hates Me", just vent it out to the alcohol. Then, there it is now. I opened it immediately as I came back home and took a sip. Gosh, it feels nice. Maybe, I'm just craving alcohol since I have my period right now. If ever that is the case, then it would drive me crazy every month. Though last month wasn't like that, I was just writhing in pain from my dysmenorrhea caused by it.

Well, whatever. The most important thing is, that I become okay when we started drinking that. It can't make me drunk but at least, it can make me calm down.

Experiencing the same?

It is really been in my nature since I had depression to have episodes like this. Sometimes, I'm thinking maybe I already need to have a session of therapy with the experts but since I can still manage to handle it, I just think that it is a waste of money. But if this goes on again, I'll consider having one shortly. I also tried to open up with my closest friends but all they can do is to divert my attention so I can forget it in a while. That's good also, but I need long-term therapy.

Like what happened today, I called Skaterboi about that and he was willing to accompany me for many hours just to secure that I wouldn't do anything stupid. I'm glad that I have a friend like that but I'm also concerned that I'm taking much of their time just because I have episodes of being emotionally unstable. I didn't have this for so long, maybe for today this is just really driven by the abnormal hormones caused by my monthly period. I'm really hoping that it is the only reason.

That's the end of today's foolishness. See you on the next publishing date again. Thanks for reading!

• By the way, thanks to @OfficialGamboaLikeUs for renewing the sponsorship.

• Lead Images edited from Canva

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