I Don't Sound Like My Age.

"You don't sound like your age."

I often received remarks like that. Somewhat true, since I don't think alike with some people the same age as me, but other times it's not the case.

Let me explain a part of myself here. Hearing those remarks means I talk and think more maturely than my peers. I can't contradict their thoughts about me nor explain them further. I can share why it has become that way.

I don't know how many times I have already mentioned it here the situation that my family has put me into. The environment and society that has honed me as growing up. Also, the things that happened in my life made me learn those lessons at an early age.

Being born into a family that is unfortunate enough to be neither harmonious nor wealthy, my first lesson in life is strive for myself before striving for anyone else. Naturally, if you are born into a family like this, you will be thinking that you have to strive to pursue your dreams to help the family. Yet, how can you do this if you can't help yourself? If you can't survive on your own, how will you lift your family with you? Those are the thoughts that keeps on motivating me to keep on achieving my goals.

In the family, we also have that culture wherein if you have a wealthy relative, it is expected that they will help you when you seek help from them. This isn't the case again for us and then, I have learned that no one can help us but ourselves. Reliance to others is irrelevant as I grow up. I learned to pave my way up in the hardest way.

Knowing our situation where my family can't provide for my needs, I worked at an early of 14 to provide for myself. This is where my independency started. However, what can a 14-year old child can really do? I became a helper at my Aunt's store and I also consign pastries from my other Aunt to sell at school while there was a class. I learned to adapt multitasking to survive my teenage years at high school.

I sacrificed the joy of youth to learn the lessons in life and to hone myself like this. Where my classmates would enjoy their companies and go somewhere to places to have bondings and parties, I would rather work to earn because no one will help me provide for my studies. While my classmates would use their free time to chit chat, I'll use that time to sleep and have a rest because after school, I know that I have to work again.

Through those years, I forgot the difference of day and night. If I'm needed to work at night, I'll do so. If I'm needed to work at dawn, I'll be obliged. The rest of the day is for school and studies. I'm an achiever despit of the hectic schedule but I admit I can't put all of my efforts because I'm too tired already and so as well as my mind. Sometimes, it's just already enough that I can have a passing grades in all of my subjects and never have a failing mark.

If you are close with me here online, you might recall that I often say that I never cry for exes. Why not? Well, why would I cry if I'm never sure if that was love indeed? Yes, it's true. The pressure of life and the missing support of my family triggers the depression in me for years that I got used to sadness and loneliness all those years. I can't determine other feelings aside from those anymore. I'm confused but all I can think back then was to have someone who can provide me comfort and security. The one that can be my refuge from all of the devastating emotional crisis that I'm suffering.

It was where I was mistaken, too. I was too gullible that I easily gave them my trust. In the end, they chose to find someone who is not as boring as me and not as emotional as me. There, I have learned how to embrace the serenity in solitude and love myself first even if there is no one wouldn't do it for me. Also, this lesson became a highlight at high school. I have learned that not all people can have time to hear your dramas, to understand your dramas, and are willing to comfort you.

I was called sometimes a loner, but so what? I respect my friends' time and we have different priorities in life. It surely hurts that you have a lot of people that you can consider as your friends but none of them can understand you. As I grow up, it became simple to understand. Before thinking of them to understand you, think also if they are capable of it and look after their situation. Maybe, they have more dramas in life that you have that they can't reciprocate your expectations.

But if there is something that solitude have taught me, it is the power of mind to ponder on things that was beyond my wonders supposedly. I get to break down things that happens to me and asked why does that happened or why is it happening to me. I invest a portion of my time to answer those queries in my head. Once I found the answer, the heavy weight that I felt in my chest lessens and it is a great feeling every time. It also became a habit of me until now. I get to learn things and apply those in my life. Fortunately, it helps a lot and now that is how it honed me to be like this.

So when people say that, "You don't sound like your age," I can only reply that this is how life guided me and molded me as a person. May those things happens at an early age where I'm supposed to enjoy my youth but I'm also thankful that it happens. At least, it opened my eyes at an early age to the reality and let me learn some coping mechanisms that have helped me survive through these years.

Thanks for reading!!!

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