They say that friends know you more than your family, and it's actually true. The family has strict rules sometimes that we can't agree with. Sometimes we are pressured to push ourselves more to achieve what they want from us not knowing what we are exactly struggling and dealing with. Yes, we can also open up with them but not all parents are open-minded enough to be that hands-on in helping us overcome what we are struggling with.

Contrarily, if we have close friends that we can rely on. Being the same age as them, a little younger, or a bit older they are than us, they are much more willing to listen to everything we say. I'm not saying that all of our friends can be like this and all of the parents are like that, but just in some cases. Well, there are really some people who act as good friends in front of us but are really a snake when we turn our backs. They are someone whom we should be more careful of. Instead of lifting us to the positive side, they might bring us down to hell with them.

Back then, I can say that I was a misfit. I feel like an outcast in every circle that I have joined even in our own home. I'm trying to fit myself in with them because I don't want to be left alone. I followed what they wanted just to be in. I tried my best to understand what they like and their perspectives on life though it was all foreign to me and I can't relate. Maybe that was also the effect of growing up in a place that is outdated in technology and being poor to avail of what's new.

I got pressured and depressed. Instead of fitting in, I found myself being left alone and an outcast once again. Since then, I just trained myself to get used to being alone and love that peace of mind that I can get when I'm alone, which I still carry on until now. My classmates back then even gave me a nickname, "Alien", for that. They say that was for isolating myself from everyone. What can I do since I can't fit in no matter how hard I try? It's better to be alone than to force myself to do things that I don't like just to be in that group.

Then I found a friend online who shares the same experiences with me. I have known him from a friend also who was his first friend before me. We got along very well because we have a lot of similarities. Sadly, we are far from each other that's why we haven't got the chance to meet up. He lives in Cavite and I live in Bacolod. Aside from that, we were both broke at that time and we can't even afford to purchase a mobile load to register for a promo that has a lot of mobile data.

Well, we were just students back then. As years passed by, he became more and more toxic, though. His beliefs about God are already different and he was even badmouthing God. Positive advice never work on him anymore. He got succumbed to depression and rebellion. Even his parents can't handle him. I was going back on my feet back then and I'm trying to avoid negativities just to overcome what I am dealing with on my strength and alone. I decided to avoid having communication with him. It hurts since we were friends for a long time. I already did my part as his friend. For me, I don't have anything to bear for getting guilty for what I did.

Before ghosting him, there came my bestie Skaterboi also. Though he can't relate that much to what I'm suffering, he tried his best to help me overcome it. Whenever I feel bored or I'm overthinking, just a message to him and he will invite me to hang out with him just to divert my thoughts from those negativities that were eating my mind. We are even besties even now and he even became a Godfather to my daughter.

Just this month, I also found another one. My trainee here, that is also a childhood friend. Though we never had the chance to spend a lot of time together when we were kids, we are still friends whenever we meet and our treatment with each other never gets cold, honestly, we are even getting closer every time. During her stay here with me, I just knew that we have also a lot of similar experiences and a lot in common in terms of personalities. If we aren't just busy grinding for our future, maybe we would be tagging along anywhere most of the time.

Through her, I also found a new friend which is just the same species as us. He is an internet friend also but very opposite to the one that I had in the past. I can't help but laugh most of the time when we are talking. Same minds and same vibes but different realms. I hope someday I can meet him in person and fool around with each other to our heart's content. I have to grind more for that since our distance is much farther since he lives in Laguna and I'm on Bacolod. But who knows, maybe someday it can be true. I just have to exert a lot of patience for that even though I'm an impatient person, myself.

Can you see the difference?

We don't have to force ourselves to fit in just so we can't be left alone and will be always in with them. Let's just be ourselves and there will be a right circle for us that we can rely on and that will support us on our journey of surviving in life. Don't ever stick to the toxic ones because they will not bring us any good. Yes, we can't choose our parents but remember that we can choose our friends.

Thanks for reading!

• Lead Images edited from Canva

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