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I haven't been able to visit the community for the past few months. I would like to say sorry for that. I have been busy with everything in real life and virtually, also been busy procrastinating that I haven't posted articles regularly until the beginning of July. I would also like to thank @ellimacandrea, my co-moderator for helping me look after this community while I'm gone.
Many thanks to you, Sis. Sorry, I've been busy procrastinating these past few months. I would make up for it, I promise.
As my first article after I come back, I would like to share the mindset I have when I was still experiencing depression. I'm not trying to sound like a psychiatrist or psychologist here. I just want to share my experiences.
Depression has been a common issue nowadays and getting worse day by day since the pandemic. I'm just trying to create awareness about this kind of topic so that it wouldn't be taken lightly and be addressed properly.
My mind was full of pessimistic thoughts during that time. I felt like living was torture. I was full of regrets that I am living in this world every time I woke up. I was always asking myself, "Why am I ever born to this world if all I could just experience is pain and suffering?"
The world is unfair.
I think this thought is common but when you're in a state of being depressed, you will feel that it is unfair 🔟 times as a normal person could feel it. Sometimes, you would even think that everybody is living normally but you're the only one like this, then you think like it is only unfair on your side.
Thinking that I have my life is useless.
I often think this way back then. I feel like I have no purpose. I feel like nobody wants me and they are treating me like a burden. I can't even think of any optimistic dreams to keep me motivated. I feel like I have no future, that it's better to just lie down, and do nothing because nothing's gonna change at all and there's nothing you can do.
Thinking that nobody can understand me
Every time I seek help and talk to the people around me, they would often say that I was just acting. They often say that it was just all in my head and that I was just being melodramatic. They even say it was just the result of watching too many dramas and listening too much to sad songs. Nobody has given me the kind of comfort that I needed and if there is, it is somewhat overrated or not convincing to me.
Thinking that nobody wants or loves me.
I feel that everybody is keeping their distance from me that even if we are talking close to each other, I can still feel that there is a wall or a barrier between us. I always feel that I'm alone even though there are many people around me. Also, because I have family issues back then, I feel like they don't want me or love me at all. I feel like being the bane or black sheep of the family until the time that I voluntarily isolate myself.
I want to drop this quote here.
I hope this can inspire your gloomy minds a little and shake the clouds above your heads.
Cheer up! It's just a phase, you'll overcome it. Don't lose hope.
If you're thinking what I'm thinking back then, please seek a friend or a family to talk to. It's not just a simple problem to shoulder. You should vent your emotions in any way every time your mind is clouded or your chest felts heavy. It's dangerous when you'll just let it be. It can make you do things that can harm yourself or other people.
And if you don't have anyone to talk to, just feel free to talk to me on my Telegram. Just search for @AyaneChan21 there, then we can be connected.
Sending big hugs to all lonely people out there. I hope you can overcome it and be okay!