Why @BCH_LOVER is wrong!

First, let me assure you that I enjoyed the article @BCH_LOVER wrote and that you should read CLICKTHISNOW! before reading this article which is a direct reply to that article.

Below you will find all about my views on kids and phones. This is a response to an article from BCH_LOVER, linked here: CLICKTHISNOW!

Dear @BCH_LOVER,

I can understand your motivation for your opinion in your article: CLICKTHISNOW!

"There. I would like to offer some nuances, and considerations you might not have considered before."

Realize your experience with smartphones is not comparable to that of your kid!

First, the mobile phone is no longer the same one you had available when you were that age. The phone you might have had or could have had back then fits inside a low-end telephone these days. The possibilities the phones have now make it an entirely different device than the phones even just 5 years ago, let alone 10 or more. The notion that the same ethics morals and discipline you've been held to at that age can be expected from the kids today is delusional. It could be far more harmful in the long run to keep your kids from acquainting themselves with the concept, practical operation, and responsibility of using smartphones today.

How then?

I'll elaborate on that for clarity. The mobile phone of today is more than just a means to communicate. Sure making phone calls, texting, and whatsapping with social circles is still a much-used feature. Games these days for mobile phones are getting close to the quality, complexity, and detail of triple desktop games less than 5 years ago. Those are all arguments that can be used by both sides of this debate, but not the most important issue to consider as a parent.

That would be the features that, perhaps barely noticeable, change the way children will experience the concept of knowledge and information. I am talking about the access the smartphones of today provide to ALL of the knowledge and history that MANKIND has accumulated and recorded.

Took a while.

For a long time (this access to all knowledge has been available since the early 1990s) the way parents and their children interacted with one another concerning the transfer of knowledge changed very little. Kids would ask a question and the parent would either give the kid the information they asked for or admit they did not know the answer to the child's question. In the latter case, the child would then take the question to the other parent or grandparents and on rarer occasions to their teacher in school.

change is happening.

These days this is changing, influenced by the coming of age of a generation that has never known a world in which the internet did not exist or had not yet developed enough to be useful in daily information acquisition or dissemination. Ie. the young parents of today have always had the internet available for finding information and answers to questions. That generation has a more instinctive understanding that the smart-phone, connected to the internet, will only become a greater and more important part of our daily lives and that being intuitively adept at using the phone and internet is going to be a very important requirement to being able to function in our civilization.

New/Fresh/Young generation of parents.

They're also far more aware (i hope) that the internet can also be a source of danger, to adult internet users and children alike and that being able to identify and avoid those dangers intuitively from a young age provides a layer of protection that might be essential for their safety later on in life.

That category of parents is likely to understand that the society of today, but even more so in that of the future, requires them to add monitoring, teaching, and protecting their children on and about the internet to the basic minimum responsibilities of parenting. This includes teaching the proper way to perceive the function of and make proper use of, the smartphone, which of course is a source of information and knowledge that is also capable to provide entertainment. Not an entertainment device that is also capable of communication and accessing information.

Bad-parenting!

If a child, especially as young as 5 or 6 years old, can develop an addiction to smartphones and/or the games they're able to play on them, the PARENT has failed to provide proper guidance and surveillance. One example you mentioned is symptomatic though of how easy it is for parents to develop bad-parenting habits relating to their children's use of smartphones. When you give a baby or toddler a phone to play a video or a game to keep them busy, occupied, and quiet, there is no one else responsible for the child to develop an addiction than the parents themselves.

Let me be clear:

Sadly  I am not just implying @BCHLover might be somewhat to blame for the things she/he complains about in the article "Reasons Why I Don't Want My Kids To Hold Phones".

I am unequivocally outright stating that @BCHLovcer is solely culpable for any undesirable behavior regarding phones their children might develop.

This includes addiction, being the victim of malicious actions or codes, exposure to sexual predators, and, social underdevelopment.

Using the phone or tablet to keep a baby or toddler quiet with a video or a game shows a lack of understanding, or ignorance, of both children and smartphones, and a tendency for neglecting the needs of their children.

If you need the child to stay quiet for a while sometimes, teach it to be quiet for a while when Mom or Dad tells them to!

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The kid must learn to be quiet if that is what the parents need from it. It should not be manipulated into compliance through distraction from games or vids.

At the moment the child was given a phone to keep it busy and quiet the right thing to do, however annoying, inconvenient, or tiring that might become, teach the child that there are some times that mommy or daddy cannot give the kid the attention it wants, and that being quiet for a while is the quickest way to get the parent to give them attention after they're done with whatever it was that prevents them from giving it immediately. Teach it that if the child quietly lets the parent do what must be done the parent is finished quickest with what they must do.

More effort now, more benefits later.

This costs more energy, effort, and pedagogical skills at first, but in the long run, this will pre-empt a lot of irritation, drama, and stress in the household. Children should not be allowed to operate a smartphone unsupervised or without specific authorization from the parent PERIOD. This is more important the younger the child in question is. Before it gets to use a phone, regardless of what it uses it for, clear rules should be established and understood by both parent and child. During and after the child has used the phone the parent should check the phone's installed apps and browser history to confirm the child has adhered to the rules (no installing apps without the parent's awareness and permission, no browsing of the internet except for the pre-determined allowed websites and no messaging or social media until the age of 11 or 12.

The reverse of what these (fictional) bad parents wanted!

This burdens the parent with a substantial and labor-intensive responsibility where the

parent probably hoped the phone would be a tool with which to reduce the burdens on the parent. This is something a parent should have been aware of being inevitable before the choice was made to become a parent, as it is now, and will become much more in the future, an inevitable part of living in our civilization and the 21st century.

Reasons to start at a young age.

But let me provide some motivational information on what getting this part of parenting right can mean for your kid's future. Loosely mentioned before of course is intuitive, maybe even instinctive, the ease with which the kid will be able to learn how to use a smartphone or the software on it now but also in the future. This perk for lack of a better description not only saves a lot of effort and time during the kid's life but also makes it less likely the child will develop an aversion to using computers/phones, the internet, or other kinds of new(ish) technology later on in life.

Beyond the computer- or phone screen.

This advantage holds in areas other than gaming, IT, or ITC(communication). This is because the computer/smartphone (which will someday be the same device) is becoming an inevitable part of every single job you could think of. This decides the relationship with computers/internet/phones for the rest of their lives. Is your child going to be the construction worker that happily and without thinking about it fills out his hours and expenses before sending them in through the net to the company's HR computer after which he orders his dinner from the Vietnamese restaurant located downtown and orders some groceries from the store down the street? Or is your child going to be the one that's always late sending in his hours and expenses because "That frikking computer is not doing what it should" and "Can't understand them fancy newfangled computer forms" only to go home two hours later deeply frustrated about that danged computer costing him precious time? The one that then finds out the store closed already so he can't get groceries and then finds out the food place he always went to for fast food closed down, and the nearest one is an hour's drive from his home, frustrating him even more because he never thinks of ordering from his home over the internet?

There's more though!

Another benefit of starting the kids early on devices like smartphones and PCs is that it will be easier to learn things like logic, reasoning, common sense, skepticism, and research. My son, having the benefit of having an IT professional with over 30 years of experience, has been taught from his 5th b-day that asking a knowledge question from his Father was only allowed after being unsuccessful in getting the answers from duckduckgo.com. It took only a couple of months before I noticed he hardly ever asked me questions about how things worked, science, topography, or history facts anymore. Closer observation revealed that he did enter any questions he had into duckduckgo before going to me or someone else to ask the questions.

Gaining useful Skills

A lot of the games played on mobiles these days cause players to develop and maintain better motor skills faster than someone who wasn't allowed to hold a smartphone, let alone use it for its entertainment features. Other abilities that are less difficult to gain because of this are problem-solving, research and development, and how recognizing fake news. I am also quite certain my kid is much more independent and self-sufficient than he would have been having he not been acquainted with tech (including smartphones) at the young age as he had been.

There is a lot more I could bring as arguments for my way of thinking but seeing that it is now 03:02 am on Monday I can't spend more time on this piece than I've already done with a good conscience. So I'll start to wrap things up from here...

In conclusion:

So no, I don't agree that kids should not be allowed to hold phones. I think that any parent has to assist their child in gaining knowledge and skills they will need for the rest of their lives. I agree though that giving a baby/toddler a phone to watch videos or play games just to keep them quiet and occupied for a while is reprehensible and irresponsible, and that the parent instead should make the time and put in the effort to set up a set of ground rules for using phone/internet, make sure the child is never using the phone/internet without supervision, learn that games are a secondary option on a phone instead of the sole purpose for the phone to existing.

TL;DR: Just giving a phone to a kid, and letting them just do what they want with it without direct supervision is bad parenting. The parents that do this should be closely monitored as phone addiction might well be one of the least of the families' problems as it could be a symptom of neglect.

Having a child use a phone under strict supervision and a pre-agreed set of rules however can help the child develop a natural-ish instinctive understanding and ability to use the phone/internet that will benefit them for the rest of their lives. 

I consider it a parent's moral obligation when raising a child just like a parent must make sure the child learns how to swim, or to make sure the child is potty trained as soon as possible.

Original article:

https://read.cash/@BCH_LOVER/reasons-why-i-dont-want-my-kids-to-hold-phones-518541f8 by @BCHLover

Make sure you have read that article

Make sure you liked it, and that you have subscribed to @BCH_LOVER!

https://read.cash/@BCH_LOVER/reasons-why-i-dont-want-my-kids-to-hold-phones-518541f8

Because of the length of this response to the article I've decided to make it an article in and of itself. 

The next article will be the fourth episode in "The Talks" series, hopefully, published before Wednesday.

Thank you for reading this.

Stay safe and stay happy.

@anonsunamun.