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As we get older the problem we face also in life become more serious, life isn't that easy every day, life is full of trials and difficulties along the way, disappointments become usual, we might cry but at the end of the day, we still manage to laugh.
Yesterday I went home from my boarding house where I live, I went home coz it is the birthday of our youngest sister and also the birthday of my uncle.
Everyone was having a good time at that time while singing coz they rent a video, my younger sister next to me is very fanatic also in singing in videos, she sings a variety of songs at that time, no one can tell that she shouldered a heavy feeling and feeling depressed in life coz she looks so happy when you see her physically. I thought she is okay until yesterday when I'm home she suddenly open up to me that she is very depressed in her life, she opened up to me that she is very tired thinking of her situation where at her young age she questioned herself why she needs to work for the family just to help the daily needs of our family most especially of paying monthly bills such as electric bills, water, etc. in our house.
She was crying while telling me all the heavy feelings she carried in her heart, I felt what she feels inside coz I know also how the feeling of being distressed because of difficulties in life. I feel pity for my younger sister, I feel the pain she was carrying, while she was telling me all her sentiments I didn't notice the tears that came from my eyes was falls gradually, I can't even do an eye to eye contact while she was telling me all the burden she was carrying in her heart, she stopped her studies coz she chooses to work instead of going to college and continue her studies, that moment was one of the very painful moment that I heard from my sister, I pitied to her, It is all my fault, as their eldest brother I didn't noticed that she was struggling in her situation, I'm the one to blame coz as their eldest brother I can't even find a stable job to support the needs of my family, I'm working now but it is not enough, I'm the one to blame for the struggles they are facing. Yung feeling na may natapos ka naman pero wala kang magandang trabaho, I blame myself for being me, yung feeling na maiikompara mo nalang yung sarili mo sa iba at bigla mong masasabi na bakit dipa ako natulad o naging katulad nila na.
A lot of questions came into my mind, hirap maging kuya na wala kapang nagagawa para sa pamilya. I thought before na ang sarap siguro ng may kuya or ate kasi may masasandalan ka kapag napagod ka, may mahihingian ka, may tutulong sayo o may magbibigay sayu kung ano ang gusto mo, but in my case and in the situation what we have now siguro I can say na hindi, hindi pinagpala yung mga kapatid ko na naging kuya nila ang tulad ko, masakit aminin but it's true. Ginagawa na kasi nila ang dapat ay gawain at responsibilidad ko para sa pamilya.
Maybe our life is like that stars above, it can't shine without the darkness. Maybe soon I can do my part for them, not now but not sure also kasi napakairrispinsable kung tao Lol.
But honestly, I'm also struggling right now in my life, thats why I can't even face my sister while she was crying, the word that I remember that I told her that time is sinabi ko na " Mag antos usa ta unsaon nga na tao man tas pobreng pamilya, peru ang importante nabuhi ta, ayaw kabalaka paenroll naka karung pasukan"
I'll continue the next drama tommorow haha.
I'm too sleepy right now, I'm tired from work also, so that's it for now.
Thanks for dropping by my friend. ;*
I just wan't also to flex this beautiful sceneries of the night, I took this picture a while ago while I was alone in the dark area nearby into my boarding house.