More than love...to cherish and adore

I found it interesting that the basic definition of LOVE is a noun (an intense feeling of deep affection). It's quite abstract in the sense that feelings can often be confusing. A person can feel several emotions at the same time.

But when I search for the definition of CHERISH and ADORE, they are both verbs, so ACTION words. Cherish is to protect and care for someone lovingly. Adore is to love and respect someone deeply.

That being the case, I would much prefer to hear that a significant person cherished me or adored me rather than just being told "I love you." Okay, it would be nice to hear those three romantic words, but I'm realizing that love encompasses so many things that sometimes, it ends up not being specific about a person.

Think about it... when someone says they cherish you it means they are willing to protect and care for you and not just willy-nilly, but lovingly. Or when you are adored, you are loved and respected deeply. Doesn't it sound more tangible or real, and romantic?

The adverbs make a lot of difference, don't they?

It was reading the book "The Road Less Travelled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values, and Spiritual Growth" by M. Scott Peck that made me see love in a different light.

He wrote: "The person who truely loves does so because of a decision to love. This person has made a commitment to be loving whether or not the loving feeling is present."

Since then when talking of love, I've come to realize that it isn't a just feeling but more importantly, a decision. And rightly so. Because feelings change. They fade. They can be confusing. But a decision is always something conscious. And usually arrived at after careful thought, or at least some thought.

Like Mr. Peck said, you commit to be loving whether that feeling is present or not. Without that conscious thought, then it would be so easy to say love is gone so I no longer want to be with you.

Come to think of it, how many people in a relationship ever tell their partners that they cherished them, or adored them? But saying 'I love you' is so much more common, and seems to be enough to bind couples.

I'd like to think that couples, especially married ones, who have managed to stay together and have a loving relationship for a long time, knew to cherish and adore each other. Perhaps not actually say the words, but demonstrate them instead.

It is the caring, protecting, and respecting that speaks quite loudly when you cherish and adore someone. Throw in lovingly and deeply, and that takes commitment to a whole new level. And it definitely requires decision.

Of course, everyone has flaws and weaknesses, and just because you've told your significant other that you adore them doesn't mean you'll never ever hurt them. Perhaps not intentionally, but you will. However, when you claim or vow to cherish and adore someone, it makes you think long and hard after you've done something wrong or hurtful.

A song by Kool & The Gang comes to mind. It's called "Cherish The Love".

Cherish the love we have/We should cherish the life we live./ Cherish the love, cherish the life, cherish the love.

And so when we cherish someone, it means we will cherish the love we have for each other, protecting it and fighting for it, in the same way we would cherish our life.

In the same manner, before we get to that point of deciding this is the human being I want to cherish the rest of my life, the one I will adore, it will take some time and a lot of thought.

Love as a feeling can come very suddenly and leave you spinning and doing things recklessly. So, we must pause, and pray, that beyond the feeling we can make a conscious decision to work to keep the fire of that love burning, especially during moments when it would be so much easier to give up and throw it all away.

That's why I am moved when seeing the bride and groom embrace each other after their kiss because to me a loving embrace speaks more of cherish and adore, and amplifies the love.

This isn't a Valentine's Day post. It's just an enlightened post for me that I wish to share. Feel free to share your thoughts.