How I Handle Separation Anxiety of my Kids

11-19-22

I have been doing online selling since January and for that I have to leave the kids frequently to do the transactions. My kids are only age 9 the oldest, the second just turned 6 on October while the third one was 2 who just turned 3 last May and the baby was only 6 months old who turned one year old last July.

For a parent like me with little kids one thing that I need to deal is their separation anxiety. It's not only upsetting for a parent but to the child as well. The hardest one I deal with is my third child. He is afraid to be left behind that's why when the baby is asleep or my parents took over to baby sit him, he would come and sit on my lap while I am listing or packing parcels. He would also follow me everywhere I go that he guards the bathroom door when I use it.

The baby, on the other hand is used to being baby sit by my mom and dad and even their uncles that's why he can be handled easily.

But have you ever wondered why babies and lil kids go with their mom even when using the bathroom? They scurried all over the room crying when mom's not in sight?

That is them being anxious that their mom/dad would be gone forever. They don't understand time. No way they can understand that someone particularly their parent will be gone in just a minute.

Have you wondered why a toddler who's just new to preschool wouldn't like to be left inside the room?

Yes, that is also separation anxiety. As I have observed with my preschooler since our house is a lil distance from the daycare center that he is too clingy. He doesn't like to be left so me and the baby had to sit in with him for three straight days.

Here's the things that I do to ease their anxiousness whenever I leave for some errands in town and for my preschooler to be confident enough in going to school. The baby, on the other hand would cry and be clingy at times whenever he is aware that I am leaving but my mother would easily pacify him by diverting his attention to other things.

• I tell my three year old that I will be going to town for some errands.

• I will hug and cuddle him if he ask me to.

• Then, I will immediately leave without turning back or looking back. This way he won't change thought and cry to be brought along. Thus, I have to make sure that I have prepared everything and bring whatever is needed to be brought to avoid going back to take it.

• Communication. Always talking to them will help them gradually understand what you're doing.

They were getting used to our routine and that I have always been telling them that every now and then they will be left with their grandparents so that I will have something to buy for their needs, their things and foods they like. They too will be leaving me for a short time to attend school.

As expected they have little to no clinginess except for other times. I gained their trust that I will be back whenever I leave.

As for my preschooler who is just a first timer attending daycare, I always talk to him so that he will be prepared. As mentioned earlier, we sat with him inside the daycare center for three days. But the following day, I was amazed that he said he will tag along with his siblings. Therefore, I instructed their kuya to drop him at their room and to gently talk with him. Since then he always leave with them when they're going to school. But in one condition,😁 I am to wait for him at the waiting shed and pick him up just as he said. That is our agreement. But one time, I was busy with laundry while the baby is asleep that I lost track of time. He came home alone with a crease across his face, he told me I lied and that he won't go to school again. That's the first and the last I didn't pick him up though I have assured him that there will be time that I will be late in picking him up. That's not to destroy his trust.

Is it normal for kids to be anxious?

Yes. Most especially that they can't express their feelings that they will just cry it out or have that occasional clinginess. This separation anxiety is a normal mental development of children that starts at four months old. In our term, it is "inmeneng or in-imatun" wherein the baby is becoming aware of who their mother or father is. They will cry when somebody tries to carry them aside from their mom.

This so-called mental development takes place until the child is six years old. This may be the reason why even kindergarten age seems to be afraid or isn't confident enough to enter the room without their mom assuring him that it is okay.

Occasionally, my three year old preschooler won't join his siblings in going to school so what I do is to just let him be until he is mentally ready. I will just wait for him to get himself dress if he really wants to, no need to persuade him. Because there are really times that he needs to be reassured. He just need to be held and some cuddling.

Closing thought

Children go through different phases of development milestone while growing. We have to be there every step of their way guiding them and reassuring them that it's okay to feel how they feel and one of them is feeling anxious. Explain to them that there's nothing wrong feeling about it or feeling afraid. Rest assured that you are there when they ask for help about it.