Give Me Shoes and You Go to Church

It was an hour after lunch when I was able to put the babe to sleep. I laid him down then made a bottle of milk for the tot, Graeden. We lie down next to the baby and after the tot finished his milk he immediately slept. I, on the other hand put away my cellphone and tried to get some sleep too, a quick nap would be enough. I hope I could have some because I am not having enough sleep during the night. Though that was the case, having a nap during the day was really impossible. The baby is awake and active when I feel sleepy and there's no choice but to hold and play with him.

I don't know what time it was when I got up and fixed my baby's sleeping position. Ahhh... Thankfully, I was able to have a nap. I feel somewhat re-energize. However, I again fell asleep.

When I woke up, I saw the baby at the edge of the bed sleeping at an odd position. I just shrugged it off and carried him... He's still sleeping though so I carried him and put him back at his usual sleeping spot at the bed.

It was three in the afternoon when I got up to take the laundered clothes, blankets and pillowcases from the clothesline. I opened the door which I can't remember if I even closed it. Well, the wind might be a little strong earlier that it entered in the open window and pushed the door close.

I opened the door but with some effort. I felt some resistance when I tried to pull the knob. It feels I am having a tug of war with someone at the other side of the door.

There was no one there as I successfully opened it and when I went out to get the clothes. I took what I can carry in my arms because I can't carry it all. As I got to the door, it was closed again. "How the...?" I thought, again I didn't mind it.

Just like awhile ago, there's resistance as I pushed it open. I put the clothes am carrying into the hamper in our bedroom. I glanced at the kids who're still sleeping before I went out again to get the blankets. The door this time wasn't closed as I go out and when I get in.

However, I noticed that my baby was sleeping with his head down and his feet up in the air. I grabbed him and carried him in my arms. I glanced at the other kid to see how he is. I'm relieved he was peacefully sleeping.

I and the baby went out of the room to the kitchen. I was startled by the sudden change of place. It was a spacious room with no trace of furniture or window. Walls were all white that seemed glisten and hurt my eyes. I scanned the room and spotted a lady at the far right to where I was standing. She was in white, spaghetti strap dress. I looked at her as she glanced to where I am.

I looked closely at her until I am able to recognize her. I tried to figure out her facial expression but couldn't tell if there's any. It seemed blank then suddenly she seemed to be annoyed and got mad at me.

"What do you want?" I asked her after the silence between us seemed to be eternal. I didn't asked her who she is because I know her personally. It's not one who is dead but one of my playmates during my childhood days. One who is very attached to church. I can feel a chill down my spine and goosebumps as she looked at me more intently. It was a cold one.

"Give me shoes and go to church!!!" She said in a stern voice that could have shook our shack.

It was interrupted when some people came by our house for some documents that needs my signature. It was regarding the back to face-to-face classes of our kids and the feeding program of the kindergarten which is to be signed by parents. They somehow able to noticed the little shock in my face when they're doing the interview but didn't bother to ask.

I am trying to open my eyes but I hardly can. That's when I realized it was all a dream. I tried to move but I can't. The baby beside me started to move and cry but can't touch me because there's a pillow in between us. I calm myself because I am still drowsy and was unable to move. I am hearing the baby's little talk, so then I steadied my breathing until I am able to move my arms.

The reason why I can't move maybe due to my sleeping position. My left foot was a little twisted while the other was dangling down. I made my right arm as a pillow causing a tingling sensation when I took it off from under my head.

With my sleeping position alone did it cause poor blood circulation. Even if I tried to open my eyes but my eyelids were too heavy. I tried to flex my foot thumb but to no avail. Thankfully, the baby had woke me up by his mumblings.

There are times that I really have this. Maybe I am too exhausted to at least change my sleeping position better that always lead to a poor blood circulation. It was always accompanied with a very bad dream which I am hard to wake up from. So what I do is to calm myself and try to figure out how to move.

I woke up even more tired. It seemed I have wrestled with 10 demons. I noticed my little boy, Graeden was not at my side anymore. I went out to get those clothes from the clothesline which I dreamed I already took and found Graeden on the hammock leisurely lying.

Regarding the dream, it was the third time I think I have dreamed about someone or situation urging me to go to church. Yeah, for a long time I never went to church nor did I even utter a prayer. I just don't know why or what's holding me back.

Anyways, have you had a dream that you know it's a dream, you're already conscious but can't get yourself to wake up? It's called a nightmare, isn't it? I think it's either caused by poor blood circulation or what they call ghosts.

Now am going to lay down the baby after hours of playing with him and rocking him to sleep. It's already 11:26 pm (as of this writing) and I will be up by 5am and in between those time I will either be breastfeeding my baby, changing diapers or rocking him back to sleep. Less than 4 hours sleep a night is already a nightmare.

12-1-21

z_Graeden