It took me courage to post this one because I keep deleting it over the past days when I try to push the publish button..
On March 15 this year,we were on lockdown.Prior to it,others living on the cities got the initiative to come home to the province.Others also grab the chance of coming home on the following months when LGU's of respective Municipalities and Provinces made the decision of fetching locally stranded individuals in urban areas provided that people concerned must observe the strict health protocols and LSI's should be quarantined for 2weeks.
During the lockdown my husband was jobless for over a month.Why?He's a carpenter,doing metal works of steel thrust ceiling,steel windows and doors,masonry and tile flooring.All is going smooth but due to the lockdown construction materials were already unavailable.Hardwares were out of construction materials.They were unable to purchased what are needed for house constuction.So,houses where my hubby was supposed to work were unable to provide the needed materials so making him jobless..
At first it's fine,we managed to survive.Well,everybody else did because people in our community are industrious people.We are more on farming,kaingin's were cleared and planted with different types of crops and vegetables.Of course people were bored during those times.Now,they are harvesting the fruits of their labor which is making us survive the crisis without having to buy.We are at low risk of the virus so it's like just normal days in our community.Unless when going out of the barangay to buy or purchase goods in town that you have to observe protocols.
Going back to the start of the lockdown,my hubby having no work to keep him busy and me with a baby were unable to clear a kaingin.Liquor ban,I guessed was not implemented because my hubby would always go for a drinking session with his friends who came home from the cities.Always I said because he is drunk for 3-4 times a week."Is drunk" for up until now that almost everythings back to normal and even if he has work the following day his drinking session never changed.Sometimes I would just ignore it because I got tired of trying to talk to him,but a person who is a liqour addict has a different perspective towards it.There are times that I get upset and it leads to fights even with our children asleep.Well,even a person with lots of patience would get fed up.And am not patient enough so we would always fight..
These vices of him including smoking and gambling leads to recurrent fights because of his irresponsibility and inconsideration.Rather than spend his money on house renovation or buy kids tbings,he would gladly spend it on vices.My anxiety attacks become frequent,suicidal thoughts are also recurrent..I would just cry it out until I feel a lot better.During times I feel like I have two personalities within me,One who is pushing me to do the horrible thing and the other fighting it,reminding myself I have 3 kids to look after."Would you orphan these beautiful kids at their very young age?Who would guide them through and show them love as they grow?" was always the tiny little voice that fights off the demon within.
I really get envious of others who have husbands who spend their free time specially the past GCQ,bonding with his family rather than enjoying the company of unmarried friends who have nothing to worry.I Always pity my kids having to grow up in a family like this.My husband got talent in playing the guitar and in chess board game but when I try to talk to him teach the kids,he would rather go to his friends than doing so.
This corona virus is not something that gets me anxious to the core but the above mentioned do.You might be thinking maybe I was someone who had acquired the virus but was not..I just emphasized what this virus and the lockdown,this new normal has done to our family.And I was thinking that what if this virus' will last for how many years more without a cure?Would these bachelor friends of his not leave our community?Then their drinking session from twilight to dawn would always be the same..What if my anxiety attacks and depression would worsen?It's killing me more than the virus does
Thanks if you read till the end.I have no one else to cry it out..
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Nice article