A Decade of Love Down the Drain

I was a teenager back then when I have felt the flutters of butterflies in my stomach the first time I saw him. A girl who blushed with the slightest of hi's from him. However, I tried my best to conceal the redness of my natural pink rosy cheeks. Like any typical Filipina I didn't make any move to be noticed by him. Then one day we became friends.

We were at the same university with the same degree course. We have plenty of time to be together may it be during class and on break times.

But a day came when he revealed his feelings to me. It was a blissful moment but of course I didn't show my feelings for him yet. It was the day I was anticipating so I allowed him to court me. It took some months before I finally said that sweet yes to him. We were each others first love, first in everything.

We used to be together and spent our free time going out for a walk, coffee or just going around town. We served as an inspiration to each other that our studies wasn't put at risk. However our moves became limited when our parents learned about our relationship. We should finish our studies first, they said. Eventually, we got through college. Then the most anticipated thing happened after finishing a degree and going through board exam, CPA was affixed on our names.

On our 6th anniversary, I decided to give myself fully to him. There's nothing more I could asked for more. He gave me so much love, respect and trust which I reciprocated with the same amount. Our relationship was close to perfect but there's no such thing because we are only humans with flaws. But we tried to solve every problems that arose. It was what had made our relationship stronger throughout the years.

I was employed at a private company while he wasn't able to land a job yet. Then he decided business or entrepreneurship.

We had a wonderful relationship, smooth sailing for 10 years. We were legal with each family, like we were already married for a long time. Both our families were in good terms with each other. The only lacking was a legal document.

Most of the time, I spent the night at their house and it was okay with both parties. We grew too comfortable with each other and each family. There's no major fight or argument between us. We strongly believed that we were the ones destined for each other. We knew each other too well.

In that span of time we planned to save for our dream house. A house where we will be wedded one day, a house where we will start our own family. However, the spark which used to be there, those kilig moments seemed to vanished over time. We weren't able to spice up our relationship and explore a bit because we believed we were in a strong and committed relationship.

We built our house. But interior finishing touches weren't done yet and we already run out of budget. It doesn't matter, what's important was we already started a project. We only need to work some more for the finishings so that the next thing we will save for will be for the wedding.

Then one day my fiance said, "Hon, I was hired by the company I have applied overseas. It will only be for two years so I asked of you that let's be patient and endure being away for that moment so that we can earn and save easily for our wedding and our house's finishing touches. The amount they were offering was more than what my business is making."

I can't process the thought of him being away because I was used to his presence but for our dreams I let him. Afterall, two years was just a short time. So there, off he flew.

We missed each other that everytime we converse, we cried. It was a wonderful feeling. The love we have was revived. The desire to be with each other as soon as possible was intense. I even told myself that being far sometimes is good as it will ignite the love you use to have. It will revive the spark. You will realize how one's worth even more.

Months passed and eventually a year when I have noticed his videocalls were becoming lesser. I told myself that he may be busy really especially that he was already promoted. And I feel proud of him. I was perfectly fine with the 4 or 5 times videocall in a week.

I was invited one time by my fiance's family at their house for the birthday party of their youngest so I went. We had a great time as usual. When out of the blue I passed through the kitchen when I went and came from the comfort room. My fiance's sisters were there at the kitchen and was watching on a mobile phone a live video post on facebook of one of their family friends in Norway. I peek in and saw that they were also having a party. Then I saw it was like Kent, my fiance who was among the partygoers with a woman beside him and her arm wrapped around him. She was however wearing a hood and her back at the camera that's why I can't see her face. I was enveloped with shame to even asked his sisters so I just look whose facebook account was that because I plan to watch it again.

I chatted Kent for a video call but he said he was busy at work so I just said ok. I bade the family goodbye and went home. I immediately searched the facebook account who posted the live video. I was certain it was him but I didn't tell him or asked what I saw. I texted him and it took him a day to respond. I was not a person who easily doubts but as they say, a woman's intuition is different. I started to have the NBI syndrome or habit. I stalked every facebook friend he had and I saw that there were only a few people added on his friend's list. His friends are mine too and even virtual friends too. It was the same way with mine. I even tried to asked for his messenger password but he got mad. He told me what's the need when we have been together for a decade yet I didn't even bothered him with his social media privacy. He's not making a fool of me considering that we have been together for a long time, he added. After four days, he gave it. Maybe he thought I was doubting him. And being true to his words I didn't see anything unusual with his Facebook account and on messenger.

My mind said I was being fooled by Kent but my heart said otherwise and because I love him that I gave him the benefit of the doubt. I thought that whoever that girl was may be his workmate or a friend. However, as days go by I started to have speculations, doubts and questions. If I won't send him a message then he won't message me. He doesn't send money anymore which he used to that I also added to our savings at the bank. Perhaps he's saving it himself to surprise me at the end. However I think to reason out his actions, I still can't be convinced.

One day, I received a call from an unregistered number on my phone. It was a long distant call which the country code appeared Kent was in. I've thought maybe he just borrowed a mobile phone but to my surprise it was a female voice from the other line. A very familiar voice.

"Listen very well Besty, I have to tell you this. Kent impregnated me. Four months already. Please give way for my... for our baby.." It was my close friend from college, Errin.

I was lightning struck to where I was. I wasn't able to move... to talk. I was merely frozen. "Whaaaaaaaaat?!?!!" Did I hear it right?

It had taken time for me to think. When did she go to that country without my knowledge.? We used to talk every now and then because we're friends. I know she was not in the country, she was in Thailand.

Ten years of my life circulated on him. A decade that I have wasted my precious time. All those years my heart was devoted to him only. And now? What now? I have trusted him so much, had given everything. I thought our love was that strong, could withstand any challenges along the way. But in just a glimpse it was swept away by a current I never saw and expected to come. It would be better if he only cheated but to impregnate someone? The pain is just to much to fathom, you know what I mean? There's a child involved. What's worst was the person involved was not just anybody, it was our close friend.

What did I do to suffer such? I can't think. My world turned into chaotic topsy-turvy. I was crying all my heart out. I can't breathe.

I didn't asked Kent about it. I don't have the strength. All I know is I am sure of myself about my inhibitions. He had been calling for two straight days but I never answered any of it. His mom came over to my place to say kumusta. She saw my situation, I wasn't prepared for work nor was in a good state because I didn't even bother to take a bath. I was like an insane person who almost cried a river plus the mucus dripping unstoppable from my nose.

Kent's mom gave me her phone because he was calling. I took it and answered his call. "It was never my intention to get Errin pregnant," he said. He was saying sorry. He said that it was Errin by his side when he was missing me. Those times he got sick, it was Errin who took care of him.

WTF!!! It was his choice to go abroad and now he was like blaming me for not being there for him? A very lame reason for him to do such act. He has the guts to justify what he did! He said he didn't mean to do so. So how did it happen then? He slipped and it landed on the girl's organ? He was in a dream that his butterfly of a p*nis flew to the girl's widely open flower and boom a baby was formed? He made a fool out of me which I was confidently ignoring and now he was giving me excuses of what he did? No not me! I feel like retching of what he's saying. My intestines are coiling in dishevelment.

Kent was crying over the phone. He said he would only support the child nothing more. Because it is I he loves and I will be the one he will wed.

But then I realized, if you love a person then why would you do things to hurt her? Why the need to get your attention to someone near and not be contented of what you currently have.? Why the need to cheat? Then what kind of a person I would be if I deprived a child from his father? A family if I will still wed a man with a child? I know that a spark had been ignited between the two dishonest persons because if none then once should be enough. I don't know for how long they had been together but they both knew that I existed. Why and still many why's but it only leads to one thing. They liked what they did that they both turned aberrant and didn't mind their acts.

I was not that selfish person to steal away from a child his rights because I knew how it felt to be broken, as in broken family. My mother was left by our father with three kids while we were still very young. Growing up fatherless was very hard. I have also seen how our mother struggled just to bring us up, 3 siblings. She had to go abroad as a nurse to provide for our needs and support our studies.

Just like what I have said, I didn't see this coming. Nor was I prepared for such tragedy that I didn't have the chance to prepare myself. I feel like dying at the moment. I can't think of any reason why we had to come this far. I was devastated, awestruck of the things happening. But I still gave way for them though the pain was too much to bear.

Kent was persistent to win me back. I wanted to give him a second chance and to get revenge from that lech of a woman who knew that a man was in a relationship yet she took advantage of his weakness. Nevertheless, the thought of doing so shrunk when I saw their picture with their baby on facebook, Errin's post. I felt a little pain in my heart to hurt an innocent baby. I may be in a great turmoil and pain but I know time will come that it will fade away.

I was currently inactive on social media because I knew myself that it would just make things harder. It would make me harder to move on and recover especially that many congratulated him when he made the baby his display picture. As for our investment, our house I was kind enough and generous to offer it to them to live in but Kent declined. He said that was only for us and maybe out of respect that he didn't want to get the girl and her child in it. He insist that he will only be supporting the child. Well, I don't give a damn of their arrangement for now. Because I was in the process of healing the deepest wound. The money which should be for our wedding, I am using it to tour around, it was a great relief to get myself from my work in a while. For sure I won't be productive as I used to if I let myself stay.

At the end of the article, the author was asking if you should forgive a cheater.

What can I say? The guy ruined a 10-year relationship. True to the authors words, Kent's reasons were lame to do such acts. Many have been in that situation but because their loyalty compares to nothing that they can't be swept off their feet even if a woman would present herself naked.

06-27-21

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