I have no money and I am turning grumpy like a old waman who always get angry with little things that don't go my way. It might be funny but its true an di am not liking myself anymore.

In the afternoon yesterday, I hated what I did. The satff of the tolling company that rolled in the feedmill of my boss is sitting beside my co-worker and having a reconciliation of the received materials. I had been following up on him about the billing I gave dated December 3 but he says I'm working on it.

I ranted ( of course they did not hear it) I have to eekp that professionalism, but I doubt I did.

A few moments later, he came to my table bringing the paper asking me to correct the quantity because they rejected some of the produced figure that day. I mean come on! It has been 10 days from it and they ask me to do it again? They makes decisions to late. The reason? There are fine particles seen on few bags of the pellet feeds. They saw it that day and made the decision to reject it over a week later.

You know how corporate works, millions needs to be paid and the duedates are important. Its not my money after all but it would seem like I was not doing my job right, right? I care about my performance.

And its not the first time it happened, the accounting has been following me up about the documents too. Its just frustrating!

Anyway off to the title, I am giving up late night grinding (like this, haha). I might not be earning enough but I would to chose to prioritize my heath.

I almost always have sleep paralysis when I sleep again after grinding.

I have been thinking a lot about it; In fact I only have a very few earnings in November and we're on the middle of the month now and I still have 2 dollars earned on read.cash. So sad. I can't earn enough to save fast for the things I want and it hurts me. But I am more afraid of thinking that having almost always sleep paralysis would cost me my Health and worse, my life.

I am no doctor nor an expert but there were times when I was obsessed in Science especially in understanding the human body. I was even thinking If I had a better brain and if my parents had a better source of finances I would have taken medicine related course, but because of ( I can't say poverty) well, lack of finances, I pushed through Agriculture and took Animal science instead.

So here is my theory about why I'm get sleep paralysis while trying to sleep.

You see, I always wake up about six or seven in the morning. And every night, I had to wake up in the middle of the night to tend to my kids and it means I am sleep deprived. I was this was since I gave birth to my eldest daughter. That is why I and my husband is trying our best not to have a baby anymore, my gosh I wanted to have my 8 hour sleep straight at night back.

So before I met the blogging platforms, I was into crochet. I did not have much customers but I do enjoy late night crocheting and sometimes, I would crochet until 3 am. Sometimes, when I, sleep early, I would crochet from 2 am till morning. Grabe ang grind ko, tapos yung mga gawa ko tinatapon lang nila ang sakit.

When did blogging, I slowly left crochet, I was earning higher here and I did make a few thousands which made me but the things I want and pay my husband's debts. Ang sakit lang kasi kapag nagungutang ako for him to buy scraps, di na ma babalik yung money dahil magagamit sa ibang bagay. So all yung kita ko pinambabayad ko lang. But I was happy though, or was I?

Until it started one day, I slept late and I was having sleep paralysis. The nit happened again and again and it made me afraid. At first I though I am just missing my husband he had to report for work for 24 hours every 4 days kasi. And I feel better when I am beside him, I feel safer and he can always wake me up when I sound weird because it.

Have you ever had sleep paralysis before?

I looked back on what I did and found out that I was even ruining my health.

I also found out from my friend @jento that she had now heart problems because of sleep deprivation.

Experts really say that lack of sleep is not really good for the health, right?

So we do have our biologcal clock, our body knows when we needed to sleep and when we need to wake up. In fact, God gave us half of the day for sleep and half for work but since we had electricity, it ahd become normal for us to do night shifts, and the call center agents call it te graveyard shift and now I am figuring out why.

My brain is working hard when I grind. Most of thrle times, I write article at night so I needed concentration. Then I decide to do the engagement in the next morning and go to sleep because I am too tired to do it anymore. My brain is still working but my body is shutting down and there is a contradiction happening between the two I instead of synchronisation.

And that is why I am having sleep paralysis most of the time.

When I have sleep paralysis, it is always accompanied by palpitations(of course katakot talaga kasi pag nangyari yun), I fear of dying because I still have kids and they are too young to be left. Caffeine does not help too but I have high dosage with it daily.

If I let is happen always, I might hurt my heart and possibly develop irregularities or die.

Health is wealth! And life is a gift that I don't want to waste.

But we all need money.

I was hoping this would not be my last late night article. I surely would miss this. It's 3:05 in the morning and it wake up around 1:45. Tagal matapos ang pag sulat nag article na ire.

I hope I don't get paralysis when I sleep later, wala pa naman si asawa ko.

Good morning all!

December 15,2022