I, as a shy type girl. I didn't share my personal problems to others. Because, my friends didn't stay with me longer and I have trust issue before. Sometimes, I am shy to talk or share my problems to my parents. Because, I don't want to make them worry about me and add burdens to them.
I have friends, but. I don't considered them as my friend...hehe. Because, they will remember me. If they need something to me. Literally! Like, if they need help about their assignments, reflection, projects, research and so on. They will chat me and asked for help... Then, me??-I'm shy to say, "sorry, I'm busy", because, I'm afraid that they might get angry with me. So, I did it for the sake of our friendship..Lol.. I felt sorry for myself.. I am just like a servant to them.
Before, it's okay for me to help others, to help them, because they are my friends and I really love to help other people. But, when, I just realize that they abused my kindness to them, they didn't treat me as a real true friend and they are so lazy enough for their academics. I do muted them in messenger. They don't even, ask me.. If I'm okay now or how's my life... That's why, I learn to be alone. By myself. Without anyone trusting except my family.
I just realized that, when I will help them and help them. They will never learn to stand by their ownselves. Because, they depends on me. And, I just tolerate them to be lazy enough in their academics... I helped them before, but...My explanation about that problem or about their assignments.. Is not enough...Like, yung gusto nila na.. "Ako mismo ang gagawa ng assignment nila"... No choice ako before.. Dahil, ayokong mawalan ng kaibigan... Kaya ,naga search na lang ako kung ano buh meaning ng ganto at ganto... Para talaga akong servant noon..Haysstt...
But, yeah... I tried to ignore their request or favor for how many times..I'm so sick, reading this one...
"Whit, pwede favor?"
"Hi, Whit! pwede pa help?"
"Whit, busy ka?"
"Whit, for sure kaya mo ito"
"Whit, bigay ka ng reflections mo dito"
"Whit, easy lang ito sayo"
"Whit, ikaw gawa ng research ko. Please, di ko kasi maintindihan"
"Whit?, saan na yung pinagawa ko sayo?, Bukas na kasi pasahan namin"
And many more.. Nakakairita na!!.. Like, hellowwww!! Busy din ako sa academics ko!! Nag-aaral ba kayo?? Nakikinig ba kayo sa teacher niyo?!! .. I really wanted to said that to them. But, you know. I really can't... Yan kasi, ang mahirap. If matalino tayo...Di naman sa matalino ako.. Siguro, slight lang..Hahahaha... Mga kaibigan natin mag dedepende na lang kasi satin. At, minsan, mas inuuna pa natin ang request nila kaysa sa ating gawain...Yun bang, hindi mo sila mahindian.. Haysttt..
Did you feel the same situation to me?...
I do ignored them for there favors for me.... Because, I want them to learn and don't just depend on others... We are the same student, we learn and ask. Yeah, it is normal to help others if they really can't..But, when you observed that they depend on you and they don't learn or just analyze that easy situation or article... Please, we need to ignore them...Need na talaga na pagsabihan sila.. Na intindihin ang project na pinapagawa sa kanila..
And also, I didn't share my problems to them. And, now, I don't have real friends, even real classmates..Hahahaha...After I ignored their requests..But, I expected this before... I don't want to trust again... Because, before. I gave my trust to my friend...I treated her as my own sister. But, guess what?? .. She betrayed me.... And I will never ever forget that worst thing in mylife....
After that, I do trust again.... Find myself, or what can I say. Finding a circle of friends that will accept me, whole-heartedly.... I trust again and again and again and agakn... And, I'm so happy before. Because, I have friends...Wow!!... But, as days, months was passed by... Everything turns into negative....
It is so hard to be super kind, soft-hearted person, helpful, or super bait. Because, even your true friends that treated you as a real friend before. They will make you as a servant at the end... Because, we don't know how to say... "Ayoko", "Busy Ako", "Pagod ako today"... Even, we always there for them when they needed our help... They will never help us or feel there presence for us if we needed their help... You know, that's the reality nowadays... They just think about theirselves.... :) But, NOT all people are like that. "Maybe, Other, other people".
One time, my friend said to me.. "Boring mo masyado Whitney. Kaya ka, iniiwan ng mga friends mo dahil di ka marunong makisabay. Kaya, walang tumatagal sayo. "
When I read that phrase. I cried and cried. I just replied to our GC.. "Ay, sorry po.. hehe".. Then, I muted it... Nakikisabay naman ako sa mga jokes nila. At pinipilit ko talagang makisabay. But, I think.. I just stucked for what they expected for me... Kaya pala, pag di ka matalino, pag di ka maganda o mayaman... Wala ka talagang kaibigan.. Yan lang yung napapansin ko sa realidad ngayon....
But, you know... When I get older and matured.... I'm okay to be alone. Hahaha.. I'm happy even I'm so alone.. I don't have problems.. Away, from toxics and plastic people... One thing that I learned in my situation before.. Being alone is not that bad. If others will not accept us. Then, we don't need to force them.
Btw, I read this post in facebook..
The 6 Signs of Maturity
Small talks never longer excite you.
Sleep is better than a friday night out.
You become more open minded.
You respect differences.
You don't force love.
You don't judge people.
I also learned, on how to love myself more. And treat myself as a queen...:) I don't need to change myself or my attitude just for them..Para makasabay sa mga trip nila... If they don't accept me..Then, okay..DON'T.. :)
I hope you also did that one. I know, you experience the same situation with me before. But, Look at us now... We know how to handle situation and make decision na nakaka good sa ownself natin...
We don't need to push ourselves to the things that we don't know..Kagaya ng research ng iba, o projects.. Kasi, may priorities din tayo...Wag lang..Bigay ng bigay sa iba..Tirahan dkn natin self natin...
--Be Happy. Even we are Alone.. Dahil, sa pagiging alone natin. We unlocked another skills we have and capabilities we have. :) --
And if you have friends na di ka talaga iiwan.Na laging nandyan sayo..Please keep them..Kasi, napaka swerte mo na..:)
Do you have trust issues also?? Please share it to the comment section. I'm gladly to read that one.. :)
Thank you for reading...
Special thanks to my 2 sponsors:
God Bless Po..!! I didn't expect for this. But, it really helped me to motivate myself to write more and keep my articles good. Even I'm not good enough but, for my dreams and for my family needs. I will strive more.. Thank you so much for your kindness ate's..
Being alone and prioritizing yourself is not bad. Just don't lock yourself out for other people who wants to reach out to you in their earnest. I also have trust issues when it comes to friendship. I found people who accept me and my flaws and me being incomplete. You just have to think that there's a possibility that a person will be gone or you lost contact with. People come and go ika nga and you learn lessons with the moments you had with them. Just be yourself and true and real friends will stay with you in any circumstances kung totoong kaibigan talaga sila... Di naman pwede yung bigay ka lang nang bigay..
God Bless!