Those good days...

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Avatar for wakeupkitty
4 years ago

Do you want me to share my good times with you? Those good days I will refer to once I am old and start repeating myself? I doubt there are any. If you are born for a nickel you will never be a piece of gold. It never was my intention to be a piece of gold so I can live with that. There were no big dreams, no goals. The only thing I knew was I was not wanted, not accepted, bullied, molested, trapped. I tried to survive in the best way I could survive on my own.

At school, not being bullied by other pupils and teachers or molested were the better hours of my life, being ignored the best. At home was a long horror film, living life in fear, without help, knowing the end could be near any minute.

More about my childhood you can read in the kid's diaries.

How to motivate yourself to go on? What is it you like to hear from me? That I am grateful for my life? You are wrong I am not. That I am grateful I am healthy? You are wrong I am not and never was. That I am grateful because I am surrounded by family and friends who love me? You are wrong I do not have any. My only family left are my children. Humans depending on me and forced to share the misery.

The truth is my most memorable day is the day I literally fled for my life. If I wouldn't have found the courage to do that I would be dead by now. The question remains if it was a good thing to do. I hoped to save others with it. Years later I understood it didn't work out that way and the monster is still around destroying people's life.

What did this memorable day bring me? In short more misery and more running, fighting for my life, more hiding. A life living far away from society with the extra responsibility: How to keep the children safe and alive?

Looking back I "made it" because I saved myself. All credit for that is mine. No need to thank others because these others did not care, neither did CPS, the police, the government, wellfare or any God.

Those good memories? I don't have them. Not if it comes to my birth, my birthdays, my time at school, my childhood, relationships, friendships, giving birth, my health, church visits, my jobs, or whatever people say they are grateful for or was the best day in their life. A strange thing to say unless you know your life ends now this very minute.

The only company I had was a person in black at the foot end of my bed. If I think about it he's my best memory, the only one who made me feel safe and I truly miss him.

If you like to give a challenge a chance for a change see here. I wish you good luck.

#kittywu #life #freewrite #selfmotivation

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Avatar for wakeupkitty
4 years ago

Comments

As humans , we all do not have the same experience at childhood till we grow up. Some live lifes full of joy while others sorrow.

Others get life on a silver platter where they get everything they request for but others are not even liked to be seen around. And such is life , I am not surprised to see if you have no memory that was great or of good times since others have worse lives but all I can say is in life , certain situations are bound to happen and it is all of great importance, (you might not see it as such ) but as time goes on it shows it's significance.

As you fled, it was never a bad idea and it is really a great one and at least a memory to share with people and your children ..

Great submission

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4 years ago

To heal the body you have to heal the mind. We talk about diseases of the body, but there are many more things in our mind that lead to diseases.

What can I tell you with all these things you mention?

It only remains for me to tell you to move on, one day you will find what it takes to have a little peace with all those memories.

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4 years ago

The mind can not that easily be healed as people pretend. The mind or soul if you like has it's own rhythm and you can not force it to heal with medication or helpful chats.

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4 years ago

Yes, the mind heals when you set out to heal yourself. otherwise no one can do it for you.

Medications for healing the mind or soul only serve to hinder the evolution of the self.

We ourselves are our best drivers to heal.

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4 years ago

I had hoped there would have been something at least but it seemed that your life had been to cruel to you ;-;

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4 years ago

So far it has. Let's see what what is left will bring. Today I feel too tired to talk good what is bad or search with a microscope for it. Thanks for commenting. 💕

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4 years ago

Well you have a few years left in you, that's the best we can do anyways but hopefully you don't remain this pessimistic about it even after resting your soul a bit

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4 years ago

I know the feeling of it. I felt and experienced most of what you have mentioned too. And trust me, darkness it is. The pain was tolerable but still hurts too much. I hope you get better and have even just a little positivity believing life was a hella roller coaster. We could still be okay.

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4 years ago

Yes, we still could be okay thanks to ourselves. I am sorry to hear you recognize it and most of all had to endure it. I know I am not the only one, neither are you but that doesn't really help, makes the situation any better. It's good we both can write. 💕🍀

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4 years ago

Exactly. Writing was my escape with everything. My own escape to this cruel world. That is how writing can relieve me and my inner thoughts.

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4 years ago

To me it was reading. Reading was the total escape into a different world and it was hard to get back into reality. Especially if I read at home.

Dear, I need to show you something, I will do so in a post.

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4 years ago

Wow. I can't wait for that. Sorry, I have just read this one.

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4 years ago

it's sad to know about family being abusive instead of being protective .. I did not read about your diary,I'll go through it..I must say you're one strong woman.. stay that way as your kids needed you. that black thing at the foot of your bed, it is inevitable. but fight it if it comes the wrong way

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4 years ago

I think in some way we manage and for sure my life improved if I consider it the way it was. The black thing is my friend and dear to me. No need to fight what is dear. Thanks for commenting. 💕

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4 years ago

Reading this I don't think mine is worth sharing. I had a totally different childhood. A home filled with cheer, love and happiness until 2011 when tragedy struck. Will probably get to share this some day.

We have had a little interaction on your rough childhood and the escape. All I can say now is safe and protect all that you love.

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4 years ago

Worth sharing is what is memorable to you. It has nothing to do with how life was or what we had to deal with. It's good to hear real, loving families do exist even I do not know them. It doesn't seem to run in my family. Now I think about it all married to someone they didn't want to get married to, or they did not marry and most divorced.

Safe is a valuable thing and worth protecting just like peace and freedom. 💕🍀

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4 years ago

So you have an unseen force friend? That black man? for real?

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4 years ago

Not only at home. As I slept with a friend he was there too. To me it is a friend to others I don't know. I guess they would describe him as the Death.

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4 years ago

Yeah, to some it is scary but if you are used to it it's not that scary anymore. So he disappears now?

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4 years ago

He disappeared and I wait till he comes back.

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4 years ago

Maybe because you are better now? I mean your dark days had passed.

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4 years ago