No matter what people say you never get used to being scolded. They say stick and stones can only break your bones but words do too. They do till you come at a point nothing can hurt you. You no longer mind if they kick you, how hard they beat you up. You are just standing there and wait till the mad person stops. Sooner or later they stop. No one has superpowers to beat you 24/7. My mother cannot although she comes close to it. She has many faces and I saw each one of them. The face she shows me isn't the same she shows her clients. Some like her others avoid her. People are not that smart. Most cannot see through her. They see a pretty face, well-dressed lady, a generous person till the moment comes they make her mad or don't want to befriend with her.
I am tired of going to bring her the dig leash. If she wants to hit me let her go and take it herself.
She hits me till I cry but I don't. I look at her and wait. It makes her mad.
Thursday
November 26, 2020
The day was the same as usual. Me with bruises making beds, polishing shoes, setting the table, and the new help? Perhaps she is not the help and just staying here till she found a man. I didn't think she is here to work. She avoids me and cannot read the booklets my mother wrote about how to clean the house.
I went to school. My back hurts but I don't need to undress. My mother behaves as if nothing has happened.
I put my shoe for the Saint.
Friday
November 27, 2020
My dad never asks how I am doing. I mainly see him on the weekends. He's busy but not with work. He says he needs to learn and if I am older I can visit the university. The principal says I am too stupid to learn. He told me as he hit me. It feels as if people like to hit me. Am I everybody's punchball? I can try to avoid the mean neighbor kid but not my mother, the principal, or those mean girls in my class. My mother is the worst. I don't think she is my mother. A mother is different not the monster mine is.
Saturday
November 28, 2020
Sunday blues? I don't know what it is. I call it church day which means a boring day. In our house it is quiet or my mother yells. It could be a cozy place to be but it's not. I don't think this is hell. If my parents go to heaven I don't want to go there.
After cleaning and Sunday school I stayed in my room as much as possible. Being bored is better than being beaten up. My granny called I spoke to her but I cannot say anything. My mother wants me to shut up. I am not allowed to make phone calls. The phone is for clients. The girls will come back today. She stayed with her sister this weekend.
Sunday
November 29, 2020
A kid's diary
The Saint
I think...
Emptiness
