'I feel tired, sad, etc.' I texted to my daughter.
A few hours later she answered 'me too and I don't even have an excuse for it'.
The Autumn vacation nearly ended and I can't say I did as much as I intended to do but I believe I planted 2 small roses (a test if they survive outside) and today I planted a tree and something I planted twice before and it all died. Perhaps it is the next waste of money just like all those fruit trees who died, the grapes, roses... I didn't come to finish my surprise gift or now the lawn. Like sad, I feel tired, too tired.
I talked with my daughter about it. The reason? Should I say "sorry love it's in your DNA and the older you get the worse it will be?" I did not but I'm afraid it is the truth. It's easy to blame something for your tiredness, sadness, but we seem to suffer from it at those times we aren't as busy as usual.
"I think it's because you have more time off now."
"I feel so tired but decided to work a bit more instead of taking a nap. I should have done that because I couldn't concentrate."
"At times I go to bed at 3 p.m. and say I get out if I wake up but I rarely do."
I guess if you are tired and sleep you need it and believe me I do need it. For the biggest part of my life, I did not sleep. My biorhythm is upset and sleep is what I need most although pain wakes me up frequently.
"If you would have more hobbies you wouldn't think of going to bed early."
We talked about hobbies and believe me those days a hobby can keep me awake are gone a long, long time ago. It's hard to sit, my eyes are itchy and my mattress isn't the best one but the only place I can stretch out, lay down, or curl up.
We talked about gaming and after our conversation ended, I talked to the bus-kid who doesn't feel like a shining star either but at least can be distracted by baking a gluten-free test cake, gluten-free test pancakes, and gaming.
We install the t.v. to make some noise. Mainly to hear the news which is good for more discussions with the children. Daily the world is a bigger mess and I get tired of all those people who come to slice the throats of strangers just out of fun. To be honest I wonder why a killer receives medical help. If you kill three with a knife the same death is the best treatment. France is a mess, Italy is, Poland, Venezuela and so is Spain and Belgium. Above our head, underneath the roof, it's finally quiet. Animals are walking around and who knows wrecking the place.
"Tomorrow we'll go shopping, " is my announcement to the children when I decide to go to bed.
I still need something to repair the fence with and an electric heater. The one I bought last year I gave to my daughter to keep her warm.
The weather changes fast and it's cold and will be way colder. I need to make some preparations before it's too late and we can or are no longer allowed to leave the house.
Once in bed it's time to think over the conversations I had with the children. I think my daughter spends too much time alone which makes even an introvert sad plus we are not sure we see each other again this year. I hope talking helped even if it was only to pass the moment of sadness. It is what many of us need at times. A chat to keep or find the good spirit or scare those bad ones away.
There is sometimes no reason why we feel down. But I do agree, when we have too much time in hand, depression does kick in sometimes. May you both find comfort in chatting with each other. It sucks not to be able to visit one another as we please.