If you want it, you can do it

Why is it you fear? How come you do not give yourself some credit? Don't you trust yourself? Why not do what needs to be done, give it a try? No one is born successful. Practice makes the master. Practice, creativity and the will to do it.

A Dutch saying I rarely hear these days: Wil niet en kan niet liggen naast elkaar op het kerkhof begraven.

Will not and can not have been buried next to each other in the cemetery which means: the only two things in your way to succeeding are saying "it will never happen" and "I can't do it".
Both are easily said and a sign of giving up already before you started. With such an attitude you will not achieve much or anything at all. If you want something you have to believe in it and go for it. Saying you will is not enough.
It's not important what others think if they put their trust in you. What counts is if you believe you, if you put faith in yourself. Do you have enough self-esteem to fight, make sacrifices to make it happen?
Most people have not. They cannot focus on what they want which means they will never be rich and famous. Personal success is not different from running a profitable business. You need to invest time and energy in it to make it happen, you have to believe in what you sell. In this case, you sell yourself and the first buyer is you.

No one is perfect, there's no need to be perfect as long as you know yourself! We all have our weaknesses, many have a weak spot but anxiety -an abnormal fear that rules you and your life- doesn't make good company. It's the same for low self-esteem. Both aren't stimulating. Not for yourself, not for the environment. Anxiety and low self-esteem drain energy and should be avoided. Everything about them is negative and negativity is a killer. Anxiety can be fought and so can low self-esteem. If you want you can help and cure yourself. All you need is enough courage to face yourself and admit you are the obstacle to your success. It's you who made you believe you can't because...

Are some of us born with low self-esteem, with anxiety (which isn't the same as fear)? No one is. It is what happens to a part of the people with or without a demonstrable reason.

Today, there are considerably more people suffering from a lack of self-confidence and anxiety disorders than there were ten, twenty and fifty years ago. What has changed in human behaviour that has caused this? The announcement that a man is allowed to cry or that women are also human beings and have rights? Has it been the many talk shows on TV that have programmed our brains with the message that weakness and fears are okay? Has society gone too far in the direction of 'everything is good, you are good the way you are'? Has this led to a weaker human being who runs from doctor to psychologist, from support groups to fellow sufferers, to psychiatrists and holistic healers, hoping to be cured of what stands in the way of a successful life, of simply being happy?

If you read my diaries, you know what my childhood was like. I did not grow up in a loving family. A good beating with a riding crop, mat knocker, dog leash were the order of the day. As a small child, I was afraid. Indeed I was afraid, but I never developed an anxiety disorder. I have every reason to and 1001 more to be, react and do what others do like acting like a victim by complaining, sitting in a corner crying, taking revenge, being a drug addict, alcoholic, treating others badly or being a serial killer. My excuses are just as good, perhaps many times better and demonstrably stronger than the excuses that notorious murderers come up with. My childhood wasn't a bed of roses. I was not a wanted and loved child, nothing to be proud of in a world of white people living in a world where travelling abroad was unusual, a TV set still not attainable for everyone and blond hair was the norm.

The idea that everything we experience causes lifelong traumas, anxiety disorders and stands in the way of a happy, successful life is nonsense. Generations of people before us have proven it. The number of those who had a bad childhood were mistreated, locked up and ignored, who lived through wars, imprisonment, torture and concentration camps are countless. It is these 'broken' people who have built the world as we recognised it until two years ago. How could they do this after everything they had been through? How is it possible that they could overcome all that pain and sorrow to build something? Why did the many abused, humiliated and raped women not commit mass suicide?
What was the percentage of the population who received psychological assistance for 20 years or more after these wars and disasters? I think you know the answer. Nobody did. Those who were lucky were given pills to ease the worst of the pain, pills to calm down, to sleep so that body and mind could rest and process the worst.
No attention was paid to those who suffered. Nor were many serial killers suddenly arise. Those who were still alive had to put their shoulders to the wheel. Work hard for a better life, the future was the remedy. No time for self-pity and moping in a corner. Lack of self-confidence was not even an issue.

All you need is self-confidence. Self-confidence, and with it the faith that you are good enough and can do the job. Those with self-esteem will not allow their lives to be led by excessive fears. The kind of fears that are often not based on what will happen but on what could possibly happen if, perhaps, there might be...

Anyone can work on his self-esteem. There's no need to visit a psychiatrist for that. Focus on what you are good at, good qualities, character traits, etc.

You can work on self-esteem. You do not need a psychiatrist for that. Focus on what you are good at, good qualities, character traits, your strong points and write these down, however insignificant they may seem.
Ask others how they see you, what qualities you have.
Do character, IQ, career choice and other tests (e.g. via the internet) and study the results. Is there a line in how you see yourself, how others see you and the test results? Are you that strong personality in the making or do you prefer to stay in the victim role so you can blame your failure on your unpleasant childhood, the neighbours, employer or the economic crisis?

Self-esteem is a feeling. Feelings are personal and often not realistic or based on truth. Talking yourself into the doldrums is pointless. Those who have self-esteem know themselves and have the courage to speak and to act.
After all, he who never tries has already lost.

A strong personality is partly born and partly made. A strong character and an easy life can be a good basis but are not a prerequisite. The will to do things differently, better, to feel better is a choice. A lack of love, a bad childhood or violent (ex) partner as well as growing up in poverty, being adopted, divorced or being discriminated against are no reasons not to believe in yourself. They are excuses, excuses used to not think about yourself, your role in your limited life and to start working on it. Those who manage, arrange and build something themselves feel satisfied and have a reason to be proud of themselves. There is no reason why you should not be that person. Each day, every hour of the day is a chance to start all over and create the new you.

I am not saying that you should never shed a tear, not that you should not have hoped for a better childhood, but that old sores and emotions block the way to a better life. Know yourself, believe in yourself and say to yourself: I can do it, I want to do it.
There is no reason why you cannot do what others do. Everything can be learned if it isn't you who stands in the way and you aren't your greatest enemy.

#kittywu #freewrite #selfesteem #anxiety