If you are lost, miss something

Commune
Have you ever thought about living in a commune? It might be this doesn't sound attractive to you. If so you are not the only one. Most of us will associate it with a sect, living far away from civilization, isolated not only from the world but family and friends as well. A sect-like Jonestown a place where people were crazy enough to follow the leader and commit suicide. It was in November 1978 and I remember it well. Actually, I never forgot about it. What was broadcasted was impressive and till today I will never understand what made people believe, put their trust in one single person and go that far. I guess it is what religion does and not only religion but so does the feeling of being lost, missing something.

Judith... She missed something. She was a student at the university and inherited a large sum as her father died. Her father was a historical and wrote books. This sum of money was Judith her gate into the sect. She wasn't a dumb blond but looking for something, someone or perhaps she tried to find herself or the meaning of life. She traded the strictly reformed religion she was raised with for a sect with a different priest.

The doctor, our general practitioner left from one day to the next. No one expected it, knew he was interested in another way of living. He left everything, everyone behind just like Judith, my grandmother's niece did.

Before Jonestown, commune life came into the news the only communes we heard about were in Israel. Students went over there to work and 'meditate' during their vacation or to have a break. It's hard to tell if the commune life changed them in the long term. Most likely not. There's no flower power left and peace is just a word. We don't like to give up on everything but like to play safe, we are forced to play safe because if something goes wrong most of us are on our own.

My grandmother... She no longer felt well in her house. She became the slave of her youngest son and later on his wife. Good to cook, clean and do their laundry but if it came to keep her company...
On television, I saw a commune for elderly people. It looked good and felt good. I told my granny about it and she was interested, subscribed and moved into one of those houses. She became a place of her own with a small garden. All houses were built in a circle and shared a bigger garden and a community place where activities for the elderly were hosted. My nearly blind granny started painting and was the one who bought flowers for those who were sick. She asked her neighbours for a small amount. Each occupier gave two of his keys to someone else in case of an emergency. Life in this commune did my grandmother good. She bloomed and after all these years of suffering she had finally time for herself, could live a life that fitted her.

"We think about living in a commune," my friend told me a few days ago. Her plans are different from what most will see as a commune. Her intention is buying a farm with her (adult) children because with three salaries more is possible than with one. Each one of them will have an 'apartment' of his own but they share the costs and the labour. It's questionable if that will work out well if not each one of them is motivated, a hard worker this project will end before it started. The present situation is two out of four are not motivated, do not work and live on the account of the others. What exactly is different from their present situation might be the finances. They already live in one house together and for sure this causes stress.


Cancer
It is the worst for those who suffer from it. In many situations, doctors find out about it too late. They say you need to know your own body but if you do and say there is something wrong you are ignored. Doctors have no time for clients who complain, clients who will die anyway.

It happened to my grandfather and his sister. Both had bone cancer and the only reason they were finally heard was as my father interfered and moved them to the hospital he worked at. It was the same with my granny and the same a few years ago with a neighbour and two friends. He wasn't believed and shouldn't complain, most likely had the flu and paracetamol would help. She complained about her throat, had trouble swallowing. Since women don't have throat cancer or heart attacks the doctor sent her away, as one doctor finally admitted she had cancer it was too late. Each doctor sent her away, sent them away. They didn't care because it was just the next complaining client.
It's strange how easily doctors get away with all those mistakes they make. An excuse might help to start with but 'sorry' isn't part of their vocabulary. "Take a paracetamol", "what do you expect me to do", and " learn to live with it" are. An interesting fact about doctors is they will be the last person consulting one.

Lately, I read more news in the paper, and notifications on read.cash, about cancer. Cancer patients are easily forgotten especially now. To be honest most notifications on read.cash I don't believe. It's good to pay attention to those seriously ill but too many use cancer for an excuse to make people pay them. I have a lot of experiences of being manipulated with this, people begging for money In a way I can not approve. I know a small group earns very well with it. I saw people do it on the street. If you talk to them you know they lie because their story doesn't make sense.

Please, if you want someone to pay for your expenses open up. Show proof and say what it's meant for. Don't use breast cancer or a brain tumour with your child for your scam. It is the lowest thing you can do. Don't make up an illness you don't have and make others pay for it, don't abuse their goodness. It was what a Dutch lady did for a very long time, she even shaved her hair off. Her family and friends believed her. Again I ask myself what is wrong with her? Is this a mental illness? Lady do you have any idea how it feels if you have cancer and hear about these scams? If you suffer 24/7 and try to live on just a bit longer to see your children grow up? Do you ever think about those people you scammed, ask yourself who will still believe you, help you out if they found out what you did?

Crisis
We all have periods in our life we have to deal with what we never counted with. The fact is you cannot control everything but what you can is preparing yourself for those dark days. Think further than today. It is the reason why people have piggy banks, insurances exist and why we invest in relationships. A good relationship, one you invested in, will benefit you. Thanks to the invention of internet friends can be found all over the globe. There might be a time difference, different lifestyle but a true friendship is not about those details but about sharing and caring, listening to each other.

Already talking to someone (ventilating) can make someone feel better, make him crawl out of that dark hole and overcome his crisis. In this case I mean a personal crisis, not the one the government or WHO announce but the mental and personal ones we find in our homes. Many suffer from it without us noticing it. Let us try to reach out to those people no matter what the government says. Knock at a door, leave a note or grab your phone and listen for a change instead of talking. No one asks you to carry the world on your shoulders, no one will ask you for your money. You can set your boundaries. It's just a bit of your time you give and for sure it will be happily received.

#kittywu #crisis #column #life #commune #cancer