I feel for my children

Today isn't the best day in my life (not the worst either by the way). I woke up early and after I was able to open my eyes I stumbled into the direction of our tiny living. It wasn't even 6 a.m. and it had been a cold night but I stayed out of bed. I didn't intend to but since the plan was to try to get out of here for some shopping...

I hoped it was possible. It's freezing and with at least -10°C it must be possible to drive the car through the mud. The frozen mud was stuck in one week earlier.

Before I left I fed the wolves. They stay outside and their only way to keep warm is most likely pacing up and down. I assume it's in the same deer's do to stay warm. At least I guess it's what deers do although a wolf has way more hair and mine gained weight except for the youngest.
Just like I do with my children I feel worried about them if it rains, a strong wind blows and the weather changes. Might be it's all in my head, those worries I mean, but I can't help. Not that the summer, the heath and stable flies make their life any better. Somehow it sucks to be an animal no matter how you put it.

"Hi mom, how was your night," my child asked me. This is the only child that always wakes up early no matter how tired it is. It reminds me of me. I have never been able to sleep long and once "grown-up" I never managed either. It's what happens if you learned to sleep with both ears open, have children and are always busy.

My night, it was better than the night before. I knew it as soon as I woke up although I felt cold.

Because of the cold, I decided to make the food for the wolves inside in a bucket. Hot water over their food (a warm meal for them) and I would take the bucket plus water outside with me.
I could not fill the water can! There is no water again! The child went down in the hole and said the water pipes are probably frozen. How to solve this problem? I decided to put an electric heater in the hole and once back from shopping I would see if it worked.

During the night the electric heater was used in the guesthouse. It uses an awful lot of electricity but it's the only way to avoid the water pipes inside the building will get frozen (it happened before and this means no water in the house).

Off we went to the water tap to fill our bottles. I managed to but could not close the tap! The water kept running over the street. Dangerous if it gets frozen. We drove to the city hall to report it and after that, it was time for the necessary shopping (forgot the shopping list but a good thing about writing it down is you remember it).

I paid for the internet, posted a letter, bought camping Gaz, and visited two different supermarkets to find food we can afford. Food for the next two weeks since most likely we will not leave home any earlier. To be honest this time shopping made me sad. I am tired of counting the money I can spend and it made my child sad too. Not one of my children ever complained about how we live, being hungry but it shouldn't be this way.

At the first shop, I decided to pay with a part of my savings (most likely I can not pay the tax but so be it). At the second one, I paid cash with the money I put aside for the next two weeks. My child used a calculator while we decided what we needed most.
It was by far not what we intended to use on a weekly base. I could only afford to buy three different vegetables for the next two weeks, some peas, 4 potatoes and French fries.
Since my children are older they know the prices by head too and just like me mine was shocked to see how much they raised again. The higher the prices the fewer we can buy. It asked me what we will do if it's getting more expensive. I guess that will be the day we only eat cheap bread and drink water, we can no longer afford soap, shampoo, toilet paper...

If I could cry I would. I never imagined after all those years of hard work I would end up this poor.

There was no money left to buy vitamins and there's no way we can get enough vitamins and minerals out of our food. I know I cannot and hope my children still an. They say if you eat 1/3 of your normal amount of food you still have everything you need but this only count for those who eat more than average, and healthy. We start having a huge lack of vegetables, fruit, meat and diaries. Just eating bread (wheat) makes me sick.

I feel for my children, I do and I am concerned about them. One lost weight and so did I. I try to give it more food also because it always feels cold too.

"In the shop, I felt like Yzma," I told the youngest once back home, "while I was holding my two pants and strolled through it."

It is hard to believe losing weight was once an issue. In the end, most of us will. No matter if it's out of poverty, due to an illness or you are too old to eat by yourself.

#kittywu #parenting #life #shopping