How to be happy?

We are not the same. People are different.
It is not true that we all are the same and therefore should act in the same way. This is what a society forces upon people, a society that set rules and doesn't care bout who you are and what you went through. Society doesn't care about characters, personality, individuality. Society is meant to keep a group functioning in a practical way and is willing to sacrifice people to realize that, to realize the happiness of all. In reality societies, clubs are rarely happy places for all. The rules are not set democratically. If you like to join that club you need to agree with the rules which are not different from buying online. If you don't agree with the shop's rules you cannot buy the product. It is clear to all of us how that works but also that your life can be at stake if something goes wrong. Written or unwritten rules can work against you which isn't something to be happy about if this is the case because you can forget about your rights and justice is the last thing you will get.

Not one person on this planet has exactly the same life. We are different and besides that, we experience situations, life in a different way. Character makes the difference and with that, a grade of sensibility is all mixed with a dose of hormones. Which hormones are not important but being aware of the fact that the human body is complexed. Hormones literally control every step we take, each decision we make, how we grow, develop, digest even use our food is a good start especially because we ignore it most of the time. If we hear the word hormones most will think of testosterone or estrogen and that's it. A moody woman has her period (will have her menstruation soon or just had it) and if 40+-year-old men are unhappy and want a new life, a younger partner we say it's the penopause (indeed the menopause for men). We wipe away how people feel because it's easier to label everyone in the same way. The same old fashioned way as we did it hundreds of years ago. Although scientists, psychologists and all kinds of studies proved it is not the way they claimed it to be generations ago it's clear new ideas, new insights are not adopted by those who should know better and could make the difference. Societies, clubs, organizations of specialists are not interested in the truth, better options if it works fine enough. Tests and investigations can be cool even show the opposite or something new but it doesn't mean anything will change. Doctors, scientists, specialists are rarely flexible people. They want everyone to be like they have in mind if they are interested in people, individuals and their insights at all.
With money involved, high amounts of money it's more plausible to believe that's the reason why you are allowed to make an appointment, sit on that chair, lay on the sofa or have to ask your family doctor for some tests or an appointment with a specialist. They should know better, could know better if they read the latest news and stated updated but most don't. They say they have no time to read although today's doctor has a part-time job while doctors 50 years ago worked 24/7 alone and visited their patients at home. The number of psychologists and psychiatrists increased just like all those diet gurus. Today there is a market for everything, each mood swing or period in our life we have to get through, we need to give room, a place and after that bury and forget. But letting go and forget is not a human thing to do. We are not programmed to do that, to forget about our instinct or if you like that inner voice that tells us who to trust and what isn't good for us. Society, each society we have to deal with day after day does something to us. A flood of rules to follow up or obey comes over us and there's hardly a way to be yourself.
If you cannot be yourself that eats you. If your thoughts, ideas are not taken seriously that eats you. If people force you to respect them, accept their behaviour but don't respect and accept yours that eats you. If you are ignored, do not fit the standards no matter how hard you try it eats you. If you feel you need to compare with others it eats you and so does if you feel you can never win because minds are already made up.

Happiness is a feeling.
Some of us always laugh others never do. Both can be expressions of a depressed person. Indeed depressed people can be very active, jumpy and act overjoyed. On the other hand, there are energetic, always jolly and shining personalities who don't deal with depression. They give energy and are surrounded by good vibes. If you meet them you truly believe everything in their life is perfect and you know what? It is. Not because they have all the luck and fortune in the world but they do not care as much about what goes on. They see and feel the world differently. Character makes this possible and character, no matter how hard we try, can not be changed. We are who we are and we should manage with what we have.

He jokes around 24/7 and looks like one of those shiny personalities you would love to be around. A person who helps you to escape from life, the daily reality you have to face.
"I just do as I like", he said and although he has diabetics he smokes, drinks and doesn't care about diets. He travels the world and because of that, he takes the covid-19 shot. "I'll die anyway", is his conclusion while he lits his next cigarette because he needs one every 30 minutes as he stated himself. Having this man around can do someone who thinks deeper about the meaning of life good but it can work average too.
A good laugh helps to relax, laughing out loud does but if that energetic happy person across the table is not able to take anything seriously he turns into a clown, someone who no longer has positive vibes others admire because he will never be able to take other's their feelings for serious. He ignores them, ignores facts which mean an inability to empathize with anyone.

How does one deal with that? How does one deal with a person who flies through life like a butterfly and never seems to see the obstacles or danger?
You cannot change them, teach them how to act 'normal' and show more empathy. They are how they. Good people for some, to others good to have around for an hour or two if you want to relax, have a laugh and are able not to hear every word said or take it seriously.
If you are a thinker and your brain is 24/7 active it might be a good idea to give it a break. There's no need to think over every step you take for days, there's no need to give up on life outside because it's dangerous since most accidents still happen at home. There is no guide for how to be happy in ten steps although a fake smile can do wonders since not everyone can see what hides behind that smile. Positive energy, good vibes are debatable. What we see can be different from what we hear or feel. The kind happy family that invited you can fight just before you entered their home. Some sense it while others do not. Feelings, thoughts and being extra sensible makes it hard to let go and to feel happy but it doesn't mean a serious person isn't happy.
Happiness comes with accepting yourself, being able to be who you are. If you need to fake to be that rock and shining star you are not per se happy unless you tell yourself you are and believe it.
The man who said he will die anyway made a point. Not because he belongs to the group of elderly but because we all do. Humans die which is part of the cycle of life. Dying is a normal thing to do and there is no warranty given at the moment you are born. If your parents, health, school, life sucks the only thing you will get refunded is frustration, stress, anger and bad health if you don't find a way to accept it and accept yourself.
How to accept facts that cannot be changed is hard to tell. It depends on who you are and how much time your soul and mind need to live with it. Not to forget but to live with that is what makes you different from all those other people on this planet. It can be positive to activate your instinct, shut out the daily news and find a new circle (society) where you can be you. A flood of information needs a lot of extra processing and so do discussions.

I am not saying you have to ignore the facts, the news, danger just to take a break or a bigger break from societies because they do negatively influence you and are a huge reason why you don't feel happy. Comparing yourself with others is a killer.
I am also not telling you to just be happy with the sun that shine, raindrops on plants or someone who greets you because there is more and because it is good to have wishes and dreams to set goals and work for it. These are all aspects adding something to our life and our feeling of happiness. A feeling that can be activated or taken away entirely by drugs. If drugs can do this limiting the pressure of societies can too. The 'courage' felt after drinking alcohol, facing the world differently after using drugs is caused because norms and values no longer count and we give up the boundaries built to protect or hide.

What we should know about happiness is that it is a feeling. Feelings come and go and no one can be happy 24/7. If that would be the case happiness wouldn't be recognized. So if you ask someone "are you happy" and he needs to think it's not necessarily a bad sign.
The closest feeling to happiness is satisfaction. Being satisfied with your daily life is good and close enough to say: In general I am a happy person or if you like a lucky one.
That doesn't mean all lucky people smile or laugh out loud nonstop. This isn't per se an expression of happiness. In real life happiness is overrated. Just like societies force us to be good, share with others, live a vega lifestyle and give up on our own wishes, dreams and entrepreneurship. Society, a few people force us into smiles and cheers most of us are not into because we don't feel that way. What doesn't feel good we shouldn't give in to especially not if there's no other place and room to be who you are.

A smile isn't per se a sign of happiness and a neutral expression no sign of being grumpy. Some say smiling is the relaxed state of a face while other scientists say hundreds of muscles are used to produce a smile or burst out in laughter (which can't be relaxing).

There are 1001 reasons why people laugh or... don't dare to laugh. Laughing can do good but so does a piece of chocolate, a good chat or being left alone and doing as you like. Happiness doesn't come with the approval given by others but your own. So if you wake up in the morning and feel unhappy, perhaps you even deal with the next anxiety attack, give yourself a break. Take the time to breathe in and out and tell yourself you have permission to be who you are and you are free to do as you like. There's no need to shine if you don't feel it. The only thing you need to do is to get the best out of it for the next day, hours or 5 minutes. Happiness is a feeling and it comes in a flash (the realisation) and it goes. It's fine if you are not happy as long as you are not unhappy since unhappiness eats you and is worth taking seriously. Not by others their standards but by yours and therefore you need wishes and dreams you are willing to fight for. Dreams and hopes give energy and make you fly so get out of your comfort zone if you want to feel better and do something different and meet people with different lifestyles and opinions. It helps you to find yourself and figure out if your expectations and the rules you live by aren't what keeps you away from enjoying life to the fullest.

#kittywu #life #psychology #happiness