dictionary
The teacher doesn't like me and that will never change. He looks at me like I'm the dirtiest person he's ever seen. He's not nice, yet I keep going back to class and pretending I don't hear how he keeps taking me as an example when it comes to an inferior race. I am not a Dutchman even though I was born in the Netherlands and my passport states that I am Dutch. It doesn't matter that I was born here because I don't look Dutch. Dutch looks like aunty, grandmother and my mother. My mother is also disgusted when she sees me.
Daddy is hardly ever home anymore. He only comes on weekends. There is still as much arguing as when he came home every day. He still does the bathroom, kitchen, garden and garage and shed on Saturdays. Maybe he just sits there too? Michiel the boy who helped him hasn't come for a long time. No one else has come to help Dad either. Maybe he likes it that way. When you're with other people, they always want to talk and me to say something. Daddy doesn't talk much and neither do I. What's the point of talking if there's no one to listen to you anyway? My mother says I am just like my father. She spits when she yells that in my face. I don't say anything, like daddy, I don't say anything when she screams, rants and beats me. There's no point in saying anything because she's not listening. Better not to be there and wait for it to be over. That may take a long time, but sometimes I'm lucky. When the phone rings and she has to leave, she sometimes goes right away, sometimes she stops herself and walks away stamping her feet. It looks like someone is pushing a button.
The teacher doesn't have a button or maybe that button is only pressed when I'm not there? I always sit next to my girlfriend in front of the class. Everyone is always in the same place with the same teacher. The teacher doesn't want to see my face. I have to sit in the front or else I can't see the sign. I still can't see the blackboard well, but all the teachers are the same. They talk aloud and when they write on the board they also talk and say what they write. That way I know what's on the board. I have to write quickly because otherwise, I can't write everything down. Sometimes I have to ask my girlfriend or someone else after class what the homework is or where it is.
No one has asked if I have bad eyesight or if I might need glasses. I guess they don't care if I see anything because my grades are good even with the teacher who hates me. Even though I pay attention and write down everything he says, the teacher thinks I'm not paying attention and not behaving. He tells me to get out of the classroom but lets the annoying kids sit quietly. It doesn't matter how much noise they make in the back of the class. Nobody says what if I don't get kicked out of class. I have to go to the director and he doesn't want to see me for a week. The director knows everyone and he sighs when he sees me. He made me report to him very early every morning for a week. He sure doesn't know what to do with me. He hands me the dictionary and tells me to memorize it. I start with the letter A. The dictionary is too thick to memorize completely. I don't mind learning and don't hate books so I'm learning as much as I can until the time is up. The director is testing me and I have everything right. He seems surprised that I know everything. That's not me. I remember what I read.
August 8, 2022
