I am autistic, not an alien
I got really upset recently
The challenges
Being autistic has its challenges. It is a fact that we live in a world led by and meant for neurotypical individuals. When you stand out from the crowd, you tend to be the odd one out. Being different is kind of forbidden; it seems to be a bad thing.
Mistakes are unforgivable
If I make a mistake, it is undoubtedly because of my autism. It does not matter if anybody else can make the same mistake; it is my faultiness that led to it. I am socially clumsy — sure, I often do not pick some subtle cues, and this leads to misunderstandings. I have mostly learned how to live in a society, yet my continuous analysis of people every now and then fails. So, this means that I am not a worthy member of society.
Oh, and my favourite is how I am incapable of understanding others and showing emotions. As if the attacker is in my head and knows what I am experiencing. Interestingly, if you claim I do not understand your way of thinking, why do you assume that you understand mine? Or maybe attacking others for the sake of picking on someone feels good on the self-esteem. I am not interested in knowing the reason. I just find it sad and hurtful. I mean no harm, so why am I treated as if this is all on purpose?
If you claim I don’t understand your way of thinking, why do you think you understand mine?
Ashamed no more
I might be different, I might be clumsy in one way or another, but I am honest. I have mastered the lessons of decency. I do not criticise others, even if I see something that is not quite right. I can notice a dirty spot on your shirt, but I would turn away my gaze to ensure you are not aware that I have seen it. I do not want you to feel embarrassed. But then… I am heartless. If you say so…
Sometimes criticism is overt. It starts feeling like I am not supposed to be here, that I need to be expelled. Am I expected to feel redundant? Or should I hate my very existence? Should I regret that I am alive? In the past, I would try to hide in a corner and wish I could bury myself under the ground.
Not anymore.
I need to be respected. I am part of society with all its quirkiness. I am well educated and employed at a 9-to-5. I do not depend on others. So why should I be treated as an alien?
“The odd one out” — an abstract digital artwork that I generated using the AI in the Wombo Dream app.
The photos and the story are (or will be) posted on my other social platforms, too.
https://linktr.ee/neurodivergent_ai
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Check out more of my artworks in my community on Ko-Fi.
Hahaha! Well, we are socially impaired. I for one, to be honest with it, which is why no matter how hard I tried to reach out, never mind. My old husband told me not be be overtly introvert but I already tried reaching out socially but I am not socially acceptable. No matter how much I tried, all fails so, at least I made some effort. But, I'm done with that now, I'm happier alone at home not trying hard anymore. So, I let social to be with my kids, let them reach out as they fit well unlike me! As for the socialization, at the office with the officemates, still alienated but people already know me here for working 10yrs, so... I really come to a point that I really don't give a damn anymore of what they think. And I am happy!