I want to sit and cry like this screaming with longing

That day, I was bored again, and I left the house for one of the monotonous walks that were not different from the usual.

It was as if I had arrived at the river in an instant. I was standing by the river and digging my eyes into the depths of the water, I wanted there; I wanted to throw away the thoughts that were bothering me in my soul, to rest my mind. Sometimes this river would go long with a clear and clear flow, and sometimes its water would be buried in darkness.

Now I understood that it was changing according to my psychological state.

I was listening to nature's composition in silence as I took a look around. Most people were at work at this time. There was no sound other than the chirping of birds and the barking of small dogs in the distance and the rumble of airplanes flying overhead.

I immersed my eyes in the dark depths of the waters so much that while I was looking as if a sound were searching for movement there, it seemed as if the waters were swirling and pulling me into their darkness.

I was shivering. I felt cold for a moment, as if my hands were covered with ice. What was this wrap of fear? I started walking away from here with fast steps towards the center of the city. I threw myself on the street where the shopping centers are crowded with people.

Here I was warmed up. I entered a large shopping center called Carl. I stopped by a friend who works in cosmetics in the first entry here. I sat with him for a while and then I went upstairs to the pictures section that caught my attention, which I liked the most. Sometimes I hung out here so much that I forgot how time passed.

Those beautiful pictures were so alive that I was lost for a moment here.

I couldn't paint now.

I needed a peaceful place and time to paint again.

I had a lot of free time and I was working, making pictures whenever I wanted.

All the excuses were left there.

Here I had to buy it again.

With these thoughts in mind, I went downstairs, said goodbye to my friend and went home again. I came home the same way.

Here I am at my window, while I was diving into the flowing river, the train track, the houses lost in the garden across the river, the evening was slowly wrapping up these beautiful images.

There will come a moment when you love, even thinking about death is frightening.

You don't want to lose, you know separation is harder than death.

You want to hold on tightly, but you are afraid of strangling, drowning.

You think, you walk with pain,

You think you will be sad.

You get sad, you become rain.

Again, one of the evenings in foreign country was passing, the water in the teapot that I had just put on the stove was bubbling, and the smell of this tea, which I loved so much, was spreading to the kitchen while the tea on it was brewing.

Roads forget you, your budgie forgets.

Your eyes hang on the ceiling, your words hang on the wall, helpless.

You look for a voice, you look for a match to your voice, your voice stays in the air.

Like a long thin sigh, an ache comes and pierces his heart.

How much love bleeds inside,

That's when, how much longing burns.

You want to sit and cry

a drop of tear does not flow as if it has dried in your eyes.

While sipping my tea; while I watch the lights in the darkness at my window, the unknown colors flashing in the distance; My thoughts collided with the sadness of separation inside me.