12:51

Scrolling through my cellphone for the 20th time today

Reding that text you sent me again

Though I memorized it anyway

I lost count. I'm not even sure how many times I opened our chat to read our conversations. I'm contemplating whether to delete everything, including my feelings or keep it this way and continue hurting.

Honestly speaking, when we started talking to each other I already reminded myself not to get too attached because first, we only know each other virtually and also you are too far and I thought that it is impossible to build a friendship with a person who's living at the far end of the earth.

But then we had those long conversations. I've come to know more about you, the things that we had in common made me feel like you are a special person and what made me attached to you is you being a spiritual-minded person. Through the way you speak you showed that you really love God and it made me admire you more. And I think that's what made us feel that there's a connection between us.

And to tell you that you are the first friend in the opposite gender that I feel comfortable of telling even my innermost feelings. I don't know why I feel so comfortable telling you the things which I can't even tell someone I'm close with in person. Maybe because I feel that you will understand me (Well, I'm not sure if you do). You know that it's the first time that I had a close male friend that I can confide to, though it is just a virtual friendship and I feel very sad thinking that I'll end up losing a dear friend like you.

Remember that day when I asked you if you'll leave in the end? It's because at the very beginning I already feared that I'll lose you when I become too attached, I learned my lesson in the past.

My dear friend, since this may be the last time that I'm going to write to you, I want to take this opportunity to thank you for never getting tired of listening to my stories which are mostly about my problems in life. Thank you for being a good friend to me. With you, I found an older brother which I feel very comfortable with.

It was an afternoon in December

When it reminded you of the day

When we bumped into each other

But you didn't say hi 'cause I looked away

Before, not a minute will pass, and we will talk nonstop once we see each other online. But what happened? I can't even say hi to you as I'm afraid you'll just ignore me in the end.

And maybe that was the biggest mistake of my life

And maybe I haven't moved on since that night

Maybe it was a mistake talking to you in the first place. But what can I do? I can't even consider that as a mistake because when you came, I was happy. I'm happy because I finally found a friend from the opposite gender who can understand me, and can relate to me without including any special feelings. I was glad I found a genuine friend who's after a real and genuine friendship. I'm happy that you aren't like the other guys out there who are okay at first but not after a long time, will show their ultimate motive. I'm glad you aren't like them.

'Cause it's 12:51 and I thought my feelings were gone

But I'm lying on my bed thinking of you again

And the moon shines so bright but I gotta dry these tears tonight

Cause you're moving on and I'm not that strong to hold on any longer

You told me you're going to pay a visit. We had plans to hike, camp and visit the beautiful landscapes and sceneries I showed you. But I don't think we can still do that. Or maybe we can. Only time can tell. But right this moment, I'm hurting because in the past, I'm still awake at this moment, and we'll talk about random things. You'll sing songs for me, suggest great songs I could listen to, give good movies recommendation and plan to watch it together once things gets to normal. It's 12:51 but here I am still wide awake and instead of talking to you, I could only think about you. It's been quite some time but I still think about you. I'm sure this isn't love I'm feeling because it is impossible to fall in love with a person you don't see in real.

I'm looking at the full moon and can't stop myself from thinking about you. We both love the moon. We both love it because we feel like it is the only thing that connects us together. That even though we are far from each other, the fact that we both see the same moon each night feels like we are just a few kilometers apart.

But what happened my dear friend? Di you get tired of listening to my stories? Do you not want to friends with me anymore?

Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh...

And I saw you with her

Didn't think you'd find another

And my world just seemed to crash

Shouldn't have thought that this would last

Today I logged on to my Instagram after quite some time. And there I saw you happily having a date with a beautiful lady. Perhaps she's the reason why you cut ties with me? Well I would understand that, but you should've told me. I am your friend and I will be the first person that will surely be happy for you to find the love of your life. Well, to be honest I will be quite disappointed because that will mean less time for me. I'm just a friend and surely not your priority.

Now I'm thinking, maybe I'm always the problem. I should have a better check on myself because you are already the third friend I lost. Like I told you, my two girl best friends left me and I'm still thinking hard what's the matter with me. And now you're the third. I shouldn't have kept my hopes high. Now I learned my lesson. I will never allow myself again to become too attached with people because people are bound to break their promises, people are bound to change. No matter how much I treasure people, in the end they'll leave me.

As the sky outside gets brighter

And my eyes begin to tire

I'm slowly drowning in memories of him

And I know it shouldn't matter

As my heart begins to shatter

I'm left to wonder

Just how it should have been, yeah

Now I'm just left with the memories. But I'll make sure to remember only the good memories. I'm still happy that somehow, a friend like you came into my life, and that is something I will treasure for the rest of my life. I wish you happiness my dear friend. - Your dear pandagirl 🐼