Don't cry out loud

It is 8:23 in the evening, earlier I was thinking of something to write that is more lively than before but my feelings don't blend in. It is true, that it depends on your inner feelings, your mood and that would be your key to writing or to making artwork. 

I wasn't myself lately, I always have a time like this, that all my emotions mixed up. It started when my mother died, I don't know why a sudden change in me, I have done my research it almost has the symptoms of a nervous breakdown. I realized, due to all the stress that I had before, I have a 1-year-old kid, a sick mother a job, and a provider. I remember after my mother died I got easily scared, my heartbeat was fast and my whole body is trembling. 

My husband is there but we have no idea then, I am not used to going to my relatives to get some help, I was just thinking that it was just a rare experience. But other symptoms happened, my husband usually go out and came home late and there is a time that he had to work and would come home on weekends. I always have this feeling that he is not coming home, and always making up stories that he is with someone else. We used to fight then because of my thinking, then one day I don't know what came into my mind I punch the wall so hard many times I almost broke my little finger, after that, I was shaking and crying and my husband was in shock he helps me stand up from the floor and give me water. The next day I can't feel my hands it was swollen. 

As I observe now, the only symptom left is trembling, it will only happen when I am stressed out, too much sadness, and hypertension I have now that's an add-on to my mood swings. It's hard dealing with this, especially I'm not an outgoing person. I am happy to have worked this is my only diversion but as much as possible I won't stress myself at work. 

I have no medication, it is only self-help, I do my research and I am happy that my mental health is still stable 😅 hopefully it will stay that way. They say if your mental health is unstable, you have lost your balance to everything, due to the lack of focus, eating disorder, and shut yourself to others. Well, I still function in many things lol. 

Lastly, I do not cry out loud to be noticed, I am a person that doesn't want to tell problems to others not unless I already trusted that person. To be honest even my husband doesn't know some of my problems. For me, there are some stories worth to tell but mostly it is better to keep it in ourselves.  

It's 9:32 in the evening, and my eyes are tired, some of you are still up to don't know until what time. I would like to say thank you again and again to my sponsors thank you for your trust 😘. So I will leave you for now hope you sleep well tonight. Good night to you all.     

Lead image source: Pinterest