There’s nothing wrong with not having sex
Sex positivity is a great thing. In a time when we’re constantly working to undo decades of sexual guilt or shame, being sex positive can be an educational balm for many people and their partners.
But sex positivity isn’t about pushing everyone into the same bed. It’s about making sure the experience is healthy and consensual.
While there are many reasons people choose to have sex (pleasure, pleasing others, intimacy, stress relief, escape, or self-validation), there are plenty of other ways to meet these reasons without having sex.
Meaning, if you’re completely disinterested in sex, you don’t have to do it! Nothing will “break” or “get old” just because you aren’t having sex. More importantly, being purely and wholly disinterested in sexual activity is a choice that needs to be respected.
So, in a world that oversimplifies sex, it may be helpful to understand what never having sex really means and how to explain it to others.
Here’s everything you need to know.
What does it mean if you never want to have sex?
First, it’s good to understand that there’s a lot of social shame around people who choose not to have sex, especially in a relationship. Mainstream media can say a lot of unfair things, from it’ll kill you and you’ll have cobwebs in your vagina to you’ll lose your ability to have an erection.
According to adolescent psychology researchTrusted Source, an awareness of sexual interest and desire may develop during puberty, but that’s not the full story. An interest in sex might depend on when someone’s aware of their sexual interest and whether they are knowledgeable and willing to take what comes with it.
That can also mean, for some people, that an interest in sex just never develops, or they have an opportunity and decide it’s not for them.
A quick primer on asexuality vs. celibacy
In a hypersexual world, people who are asexual might come to believe they’re defective. Asexuality is not considered a sexual dysfunction, though.
Research on the body’s ability to respond to sexual stimuli found that there were no physiological differences between heterosexual or asexual women’s ability.
What makes celibacy different from asexuality is that celibacy is a decision to completely abstain from sexual activity, whereas asexual individuals may engage in solo or partnered sexual contact and not be sexually attracted.
Most importantly, there’s diversity in sexuality. Everyone is different. It’s best to ask the individual how they experience asexuality and not shame anyone.
Society might deem the way you bond as shameful and place unnecessary pressure on you to conform. It’s best to connect with other like-minded individuals or others who are able to support you. You can also find resources here.
But let’s reiterate: You won’t be unhappy for the rest of your life just because you’re not getting it on. Even if you constantly hear about the health benefits of sex, not having sex can also provide similar benefits.
All benefits, no sex
Get a workout to give yourself an endorphin boost.
Spend time with like-minded people who love and respect your choices.
Immerse yourself in nature.
How else can you get the benefits that sex offers?
While sex can offer feelings of warmth and connection, boost your immune system, and help you burn calories, it’s definitely not the only way to get these benefits.
If sex means you can express various sexual interests with a partner and enjoy another person’s body, a celibacy period could:
give you space to discover new interests, whether through sexual fantasy and self-pleasure, or trying nonsexual activities that bring you joy
help you focus and give love to your non-genital body parts
build stronger emotional connections with a partner
If sex serves as a stress reliever for you, celibacy could:
reconnect you with yourself, instead of using sex to avoid dealing with what is actually bothering you
help you prioritize your sleep and self-care over your physical satisfaction
teach you to practice emotional regulation, such as noting what you’re feeling instead of escaping
encourage you to find a physical activity that lets you release tension
If sex is all about performance for you, a break could help you:
practice mindful touching
learn how to increase body awareness and pleasure without pressuring yourself to please someone else
turn your attention to fitness to help maintain your cardiovascular health, or get you to compete in an athletic event to get your heart pumping
If you’ve lost interest and stop having sex
It could mean a time of renewal. A time to discover the world and have fun in new ways. Or a period of being honest with yourself. Perhaps it’s a time of increased stress or loss and you need a period to reset.
If at one point you felt sexual desire and made efforts to get your sexual needs met and now you’ve lost interest, that’s perfectly OK. You don’t always need to know why your interests have changed.
Not wanting to have sex isn’t a bad thing, unless your belief that it is starts to affect your mental or physical health. Although some people may judge or make assumptions based on your choices, trust yourself and don’t believe the negativity.
If you’re really interested in figuring it out, then remain open, curious, and nonjudgmental of yourself. You may discover more if you ask yourself kind questions about why you lost interest in sex in the first place.
If you’re feeling bad about your loss of interest, don’t try to numb the emotional pain. Instead, focus on letting yourself feel whatever arises. Work on compassionately discovering what transpired that led to the loss of interest.
feel free to read up
https://www.healthline.com/health/healthy-sex/stop-having-sex-long-time#putting-a-pause-on-sex
we-potatos likes sex, but we do it in weird way