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This week of mine has been so busy with so many people and so many things happening it's just been overwhelming so what I realized this week is that there have been a lot of reacting happening, there's been a lot of people in my life in and out this week and what I've noticed is that a lot of people are really reactive and they're reacting with anger or spite or frustration and they're not applying any principles of kindness or grace or even compassion and so it got me thinking because with all of this unnecessary drama and all this unnecessary stress I started to think back on my history and really thinking about me in my younger years and how before I began to increase my emotional intelligence and before I started to working in healing myself and understanding my personal triggers is that I used to be really reactive as well so it got me thinking about that there's a lot of people just like you that could use a few tips on how to be able to be having practicing the killing with kindness so I'm sure you've heard that killing with kindness is a mindset or it's a thought process but typically what happens is that it's really kind of phony or fake and that we practiced that because like it's better than the alternative.
But in reality you're not fooling anyone that we pretend to be kind because we're actually really annoyed or frustrated the other people can feel it so you want to be mindful of that, that killing with kindness can't be faked it can't be phony and in think about this you've probably been on the receiving end of this where someone is genuinely nice to you but after they leave the conversation and something you say they didn't rub you right and be like " aaa .. we're really like you" So if you felt that before that there's a good chance that there was somebody who is killing you with kindness in it's phony-baloney.
So now how is the big question " How do you begin to have genuinely have kindness and really be able to have that as your initial gut reaction"?
Knowing your triggers
Knowing you, knowing thyself understand what gets you riled up? What gets under your skin? What bothers you? because a lot of times you may be suffering in your subconscious that you're an adequate or not enough and that might bothers you or you might have a trigger about people being late or being underappreciated. A lot of those triggers might come from our history or come back from our childhood or things that we've experienced in our past and so we'll begin to command or demand respect well on the other side of that a lot of times people begin to so much controversy because that's also how they feed themselves, how they feel worthy or good enough or that they feel loved or appreciated when they're constantly in drama so you have to really know thyself and recognize what feels you and what triggers you.
How do you practice more compassion with other people? Easy, quit pretending you know it all, too often we make these rash assumptions that we know why you acted the way you did and reacted the way that you did or if I know what you implied or what you meant well that's not very compassionate in fact that's us asserting a assumption so practice kindness by asking questions vs assuming.
Ask questions like
What do you mean by that or
What were you trying to tell me there because I heard something very different
and you begin to ask those questions in and have compassion for other people.
Another way to really begin to practice more compassion is to recognize that every single person that you encounter has triggers. They're wounded, they're hurt to some degree or another some of us more than others but there's still a level of compassion that you can begin to have for other people so here's the other side of that just because you have compassion and understanding and grace for other people and you begin to practice that genuine love and compassion and understanding where you're killing them with genuine kindness then on the other side you also don't unnecessarily have to keep a relationship with someone's who's not conscious or someone who is not mindful or someone who is destructive and they're just not consciously aware of it.