How to write a letter of condolence

How would you handle a situation where a friend of yours is facing a very painful loss? In a world where even temporary separation from loved ones seems like a heavy burden, the thought of permanent loss or the loss of a loved one causes intense pain in people's hearts. And it is the thought of this pain that makes comforting people so difficult. We all know and understand how important it is to be there for our friends during such difficult times, but our fast-paced world sometimes makes it difficult for us to be physically present. At times like these, condolence letters help us; they let people know that no matter how far away we are physically, we still feel their pain and grieve their loss. Such letters are usually addressed to the primary mourner and begin by expressing deep regret for the loss; this simple condolence is followed by a general discussion of the deceased's life and actions, including some specific memories that reinforce the richness of his or her character. These letters should be written with sincerity; genuine emotion is important here.

Here are some tips:

Condolence letters take precedence over condolence cards. Cards are easy to send, but contain shorter messages and may not convey your feelings appropriately. Besides, your own words are better than those borrowed from such cards. If you do insist on a card, choose a blank card with just a basic design and write the question yourself. Condolence cards are a good option for reaching people you don't know well.
Keep the condolence letter short and to the point, none of the recipients will be interested in reading pages and pages explaining how sorry you are. Just tell the family that you are grieving their loss, and speak to the point.

To write something that does just that, keep in mind what the deceased meant to the family and write your words based on your understanding of the nature of the loss. Always remember that if what you feel is true and it is reflected in the letter, the strength you will give to the bereaved family will be indescribable.

You cannot change what has happened, but you can contribute to the healing of the family's suffering with your words and presence. Stay away from statements such as "it was his destiny" or "maybe he was God's favorite"; these clichés do more harm than good.
Write down your true emotions and say exactly how you feel about the deceased person and how much this loss has affected you; again, be specific.
If the death has shocked you, say that you were shocked by the news of the death. If, however, the person was bedridden and or suffered for a very long time, say as much as you can to show you are sorry, but in a way that gives you peace of mind that the person is no longer suffering.
Share memories of the deceased that have touched your heart. Don't write narratives, just short lines that express your feelings. Also offer your support and help to those who are experiencing the pain of loss. Tell them that you are with them at this difficult time. Do not show pity in your letter, only sympathy.