Spaces remain empty Yet life goes On !

They say time heals all wounds.

But I haven't seen any change.

I still feel that same pain.😢

The pieces of my heart are still missing from the puzzle.

I'm reminded of her every day, even if it's just for a minute or two.

And I can't bring myself to be happy because I can't feel happy without thinking of her.

I am a mother- I lost my dear mother. I never thought that I would have to face the death of someone so important to me. I still cannot forget the time when she passed away. I felt at that moment that my whole world had gone dark and that I might not live another day without my mother. There is a common saying that people turn to stone when they grieve too much!

I was in the same situation at that moment because not a single drop of tear was coming out of my eyes but inside I felt like my chest was bursting due to the pressure and pain, there was an emptiness and a sharp pain in my chest but I couldn't explain it to anyone. I felt like I wanted to cry, if I could cry, maybe I would feel a little less pain inside. As long as my mother's body was in the house, I could not cry even a single bit. I cried a lot after my mother was taken away and I am still crying.

For about two years after my mother's death, I was completely disoriented. I had given up hope of my life because I constantly felt that I would die at any moment and I would be able to meet my mother again. I can sleep with my head on my mother's lap. My mother will love me again.

My daughter was very young, she was only three and a half years old. I forgot that I am a mother too and I have a little angelic baby girl and she needed me more than anything in the world at that moment but I was so depressed that nothing else in the world could fascinate me. I became very sick because I gained a lot of weight, my skin, hair and everything started to feel strangely awkward. I couldn't recognize myself when I stood in front of the mirror. I didn't like looking at myself in the mirror. I used to think that I will die soon so what is the need to be beautiful or healthy. At that moment, there was no one who could pat my head and pull me closer.

One day my daughter became very sick and at that moment I felt that my daughter very lonely just like I felt alone when my mother left and I did not fit to be her mother at all. Because I didn't care for her properly and I didn't give her the love she deserves.

It was a miracle of Allah that made me think at that moment what kind of mother am I?

How can I ignore my child's love, how can I forget that I am her mother! I have a lot of responsibility towards my child. My own mother is not alive on earth but there is no guarantee how long I will live. Maybe I can live a hundred years, maybe I can die in a moment! My mother was never irresponsible towards me, never gave me any lack of love, I am the child of that mother, than which way am I walking? At that moment there was nothing but regret. The pain is still there but it does not hurt so much anymore. Life goes on and life must go on for my little daughter who needs me more than anything in this world.

I pray that Allah will grant my mother the honor of heaven and keep her smiling wherever she is!💖

Empty spaces in our lives will always be there and they will never, ever go away. They’ll just feel smaller and smaller as the years go by.

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Credit to both images from Pixabay by 1# Karen Nadine & 2# Stefan Keller .

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@sj0820