I'm still perplexed as to why certain folks are oblivious to my efforts and the things I do for them. Regrettably, they are my parents. I want want them to be happy of whatever I've accomplished, but all they've done is compare me to my sister. I don't carry a grudge towards her, she's always been kind to me and appreciates me much more than our parents do.

I simply want them to think of me like my sister, but I guess I still have ways to go.

I'm trying but they still can't see that.

They were too blinded by her.

Greetings to everyone who are reading this! I hope you're doing well and giving your all every day, don't skip meals and stay hydrated. Please take care of yourself. <33

All I have left is studying

My universe revolves around my grades, remarks, school, activities, and so on most of the time. It suffocates me, I'm drowning in their expectations and the tasks they assign me.

Most teens, like myself, enjoy our youth to the fullest by socializing with other people we refer to as "friends." We do crazy things, live for the moment, and live by the mantra "You Only Live Once." We enjoy a lot of things as we grow older because we're fully aware that we're not getting any younger, where the only thing we're crying over is a wounded knee, unlike now which we think about things like our mental health.

However, due of the rigid atmosphere in which I was reared, I am unable to spend much time outside. I'm holed up in my room, scarcely breathing and working on schoolwork.

This semester, I was recognized as one of our school's most excellent students. My acquaintances in the school applauded me and were pleased of me. But guess what? My family opted to commemorate my sister's success, which did not receive the same level of recognition as mine. I was jealous, and I was envious of her.

They took attention of everything she did, no matter how insignificant. Even if I've accomplished more, it's not enough, I'm always not enough.

Left out

I can't even relate to them, they're close but they feel so far away from me.

If you know the movie "Encanto" I can relate myself to Bruno. I was there, but they never notice. Even my cousins adored my sister more than mine, do they even know me in the first place?

I act like I didn't care but I'm longing for their attention and warmth. One time I successfully got their attention but I didn't know it would turn out like that.

"You look so fat."

The fact that my sister always say that she loves me for who I am and she said that I'm not fat, it was never enough. I just remained silent and unnoticeable throughout the whole reunion because I'm afraid, afraid that I will hear those words again.

But my sister stayed by my side the whole night and whispered sweet nothings to my ear until I fell asleep. I couldn't ask for more.

Final thoughts

As I always do all the time, I wish I was my sister.

I can't hate my sister despite the unmistakable discrimination. I can't despise the one person who cheers me up, who I can depend on, who will hold my hand when I weep.

Even though I'm envious and resentful of her, I love her, so much.

It's difficult to deal with the sense of disappointing your parents. Everyone wants to be accepted, appreciated, and loved for, especially by the people who brought them into this vast, chaotic world in the first place. But why is it so difficult to experience emotions in your own family, when "love" should be genuine?

If I'm the issue or if it's theirs, I'm not sure. I'm glad my sister didn't turn out to be like the cruel sisters in the movies I've seen, who constantly believe they're superior than the other siblings.

This is how we feel at times, and how our parents make us feel at times. The most crucial question is if you're giving it your all. If that's the case, the rest is irrelevant.

People that really love you will never tell you that you aren't good enough. They would value the effort you put into your deed rather than the outcome. Whether you achieve an amazing or barely even holding on remarks, you will be supported for trying to study. Conditional love is not genuine, and it will never be provided by those who impose it.

We all want to meet our parents' expectations, but we can't always do so, and that's acceptable.

I'll do everything I can to be the best version of myself.

Maybe they'll see me too one day.

I hope, even if just for a fleeting glimpse, they see me too.

Again, it's okay not to be okay.