The 'Pakikisama' Trait

Pakikisama

This is actually not the topic that I want to write about. I have a lot of unfinished drafts on my notes but  decided to write about this instead.

I just realized how heavy the word "pakikisama" is. Pakikisama is one of the Filipino traits that is already considered part of our culture. It means 'getting along well with others'. 

If you think about it, this is not a bad trait. This is a good trait that Filipinos are proud of. Since Filipinos are well-known for being hospitable and friendly, it is part of the culture for a person to just endure any negativities than to have confrontation.

Filipino's 'pakikisama' trait can be applied to different aspects of life.

When it comes to friendship, we show this trait by how you bond with your friends. Because you have 'pakikisama', you can be with them through thick and thin. It's something good because when you develop this trait, you are more likely to be friends with them for a long time. But this trait can also affect in a negative way. Because it can lead someone to do things against his or her will. Example, when you are in a group and one of them suddenly invited everyone to party or to drink alcoholic beverages, even if you don't want to go, you'll still go with them because of 'pakikisama'. Because you don't want to be dubbed as killjoy and 'walang pakikisama' (doesn't have a sense of getting along with others), you'll just go even if it's against your will. Sometimes, young people end up learning and doing vices because of 'pakikisama'.

It can also be applied to place of work. There are workers who endure the unjust treatment by other colleague, especially by their superiors because of 'pakikisama'. I remember when I was still working in the BPO industry, my colleagues loves to go out every week, during our last shift. They go to bars and drink until they are wasted. They usually invite me to go with them, but every time they invite, I decline because I'm not a fan of parties and going to a bar. I drink, but I only do it occasional, and I do it at home, not at other people's house and not at the bars. So some of my colleagues dubbed me as 'di marunong makisama'. But it's okay, I don't want to go against my will, so I'd rather let them think of me that way.

The 'pakikisama' trait can be applied even to families. In the Philippines, they say that when you get married you are not only married to your spouse, you are married to the entire family and relatives of your spouse. How so? Because in the Philippines, extended families are common. So it means you'll have to live with other family members of your spouse and to avoid conflicts, you need to have 'pakikisama'. 

Before, I used to stay at my uncle's house because it is near my workplace. I live alone on that house because my uncle lives abroad. After quite some time, my cousin moved back to the province, and he also work near my workplace. But he got married, so I have to live with him and his wife. I have to develop 'pakikisama' because I no longer live alone. But my cousin's wife seem not to know how to deal with others in a nice way. I come home every day meeting her non-smiling face. She doesn't even greet back every time I greet her when I come home. I don't know if it's because she never saw me clean the house, because I do it on my rest days and those are the days when they are not around, or maybe it's because she holds a grudge against me for not attending their wedding. I don't know the reason, but she's simply hostile towards me when it's just the two of us, and acts super nice when my cousin is around. Furthermore, I could not take that treatment for a long time, so I decided to just move out of there instead of getting into a conflict. See how important it is to develop the 'pakikisama' trait.

Why am I even writing about this? Because I woke up this morning with a lot of messages coming from my cousin. She decided to resign from work because she can no longer deal with the unjust treatment of her boss. She told them that she wants to resign, and she was told that it's okay, and she can leave first thing in the morning. They told her that she's someone who doesn't know how to adjust to her situation and doesn't know how to get along with others, which I doubt because my cousin is known for being easy to be with, and she can even be with the people who are very hard to please and get along with. While reading her messages, I realized how important it is to develop this trait. 

Currently, I am also trying my best to apply that 'pakikisama' thing on my workplace. It's because I  have two bosses at work - the mother and the son. The mother is my real boss, but the son helps her with the job, so I have to follow his instructions too. Unlike his mom, he is too full of himself and even expects perfection from me. I'm quite annoyed with the way he treats me, but I have to endure it. I want to get on their good side, so I just keep everything to myself. I'm still adjusting, but one of these days, I'll probably lose my 'pakikisama' trait.

Lead image from shutterstock.