Random Thought

Have you ever experienced telling someone a secret? Perhaps a close friend or your best friend.

I've never trusted anyone with my secrets since I was a child. I used to be skeptical of the people around me, therefore I never expressed my feelings to anyone. I'm not comfortable sharing my secrets with anyone, no matter how close we are. Others may criticize me, and some may argue that I am not a loyal friend for doing so. That is, nonetheless, who I am and that's what my personality is. Blame it on the environment in which I grew up.

I didn't have many close friends in elementary school. My cousins are my only close buddies, yet if I tell them something, they use it against me whenever we argue and fight. When I got in high school, it was difficult for me to develop friendships with my peers since they thought I was a snob who didn't want to talk to anyone. However, I have made a few great friends throughout the years. Yet, that does not imply that I trust them with my secrets.

I'm thinking it's not just about trust issues, but also about how difficult it is for me to explain and express myself and my sentiments and feelings verbally. So, rather than telling anyone, I just write it down in my diary. When I was in high school, I used to keep a diary, and I never forgot to write in it every night before going to sleep, and that is how I managed to get through my teenage years without having to reveal my secrets to anyone.

But, as we all know, the only constant in this life is change. And I, too, had changed over the years. I learned to trust others, and especially my friends. I made friends who I can call true friends, and I put my trust in them. I was ultimately able to trust those friends after considerable time spent getting to know them.

But why am I even telling you about it?

Well, it's just that, until now I'm still thinking about the conversation I had with my friend @JulyAnn. Like I said in my previous blog, we had a small get-together and we talked about a lot of stuff and it including love life. That time, I asked Julie to tell us the whole story about her heartbreak. You can read about it here.

While she's telling us her story, the rest of us are teary-eyed because we all have a similar experience. But I, on the other hand, was unable to contain my tears. Because what happened to her is exactly what I experienced.

"She betrayed you."

That's the line I could utter after I heard the story, and it hurts. My heart ached for my friend and my heart ached to reminisce what happened in the past.

That was when we accepted a new friend in our group. We trusted her. I trusted her. We told her everything thinking that it's okay since she's our friend'. But as a meme I read a few days ago "never advice, never trust a girl who is in love. She will tell her boy everything like a radio." And I'll say that is true. Later on, we found out that she told her boyfriend everything that we told her. Everything that I told her. I felt betrayed and I regretted telling her everything. I should have never trusted anyone. No matter how close we are, I should've never told her anything. I didn't see it coming and now what we have is awkwardness. And whenever I think about what she did, I still feel humiliated and betrayed.

So whatever aspect it may be in life, I decided not to trust anyone anymore. Because in the end, I only have myself.