Courtship

I've heard about this story several months ago, but I'm writing an article about it just now because I totally forgot about it.

So here's what happened: I was inside my room when I heard that someone came to visit my dad, few moments later they were already talking over a bottle of alcoholic beverage. That time, my 6-year-old cousin was staying with us and I faintly heard my dad telling his visitor that my cousin is actually my 'son', who I got when I was still a teenager. I was quite annoyed when I heard that because I'm afraid about words spreading in the entire neighborhood about me being a pregnant when I was still a teen. But I just let it be so if in case the neighbors makes gossip about it, those who have a little crush on me will be discouraged and that is a good thing for me - no one will bother me any more every time I take a walk.

After two days, we went to my uncle's wake and some of my aunts were asking whether I already have a boyfriend, so I kidded them and said I have a lot, referring to Korean Oppas. That moment, my dad shared the story about what happened the night before. So he told everyone that he got a visitor the two nights ago and that visitor paid him a visit because he wants to ask for his permission  to court one of his daughters which unfortunately is me (eeew). My dad knowing how picky I am thought that I'll surely become annoyed, so discouraged him saying I already have  kid, and he also asked the guy that they should talk it over a bottle of alcohol. The guy agreed and my dad gave him a glass of vodka, the guy drank it all at once and several minutes later he was too drunk and said he'll go home. Actually he didn't go home, but he slept outside our grocery shop instead (well we didn't know about that), my mom found out that the guy slept outside the shop when she heard someone puking at 4 am and cleaning up the mess afterwards.

After this incident, that guy was too ashamed to even show his face near our house, and I'm just too glad about it. Because he doesn't stand a chance with me.

So why am I writing about that story? Because it is somehow related to the topic I will write about - courtship.

Nowadays, not a lot of guys has the courage to talk to a girl's parents to ask for their permission to date their daughter. Gadgets, specially mobile phones and internet have changed people's perspectives with regard to dating and courtship. Online dating have gone mainstream and getting into relationship is just a piece of cake for others.

I've heard and read about a lot of stories about people who met the person they're dating online. A college friend is now in a relationship with a guy she only meet on social media. Some romantic relationships formed online does not undergo the 'proper' courtship and what I mean about this is the kinds of relationship which only started through chatting and then the two people will eventually like each other and will just exchange I love yous and boom! They are already dating. Some of these relationships becomes successful and some even led to marriage but most of them leads to heartbreaks. 

When it comes to dating and courtship, the Philippines have a distinct set of norms which made its culture and tradition fascinating.

Here are some of the Filipinos unique way of courtship in the past:

• Harana. This is usually done during nighttime when a man, accompanied by his close friends or family member expresses his feelings towards the woman he likes by singing a song underneath her window. During this act of courting, a guitar has always been the most used instrument. Today, there are still few who do this, but it is done in a modern way. And most of the guys no longer sings a song for the girl they like or love underneath the window, they do it anywhere.

• Paninilbihan. Paninilbihan means doing some service for the woman and her family. The act of servitude shows how genuine and sincere his feelings is towards the woman he loves. This also shows that he respects not only the woman but her family as well. This includes helping out with household chores such as chopping woods, fetching water and other chores. 

My grandpa used to tell us that he served my grandma's family for about a year just to get her precious 'yes'. He chopped fire woods, fetched water from a nearby river and well and even helped in my great-grandparent's farm. He even told us that since my grandma's parents have Spanish roots, they are quite hostile towards him. One time after filling a big barren with drinking water he fetched from the well, my grandma's mom just poured it while saying that he can't trust my grandpa because he may have added any potion on it. But my grandpa is naturally a kind man tons of patience, so he just endured everything and in the end he got the parent's favor and gave their blessing for my grandpa to marry my grandma. Aaaw a real 'sana all'.

• Love letter writing. Love letters have been part of the norms for courtship. Wherein a man through a mediator (usually a close friend or a family member) will send handwritten love letters to the woman he likes. This form of courtship requires a lot of patience especially when sending a letter to a faraway place because it takes so much time before they will receive a response, but everything is worth it when they receive a positive response from the lady.

An elderly couple who I treat like grandparents did courtship through love letters and every time I have the chance to sleep at their house, I always read their love letters. It is too romantic, and I feel giddy every time I read those. I can feel how much they respected each other through those letters and since it is arranged properly by date, I can see how they progressed from pen pals to lovers.

Now, one will surely feel special and will love to read a long sweet message on social media during their special days such as a monthsaries, anniversaries or Valentine's Day. But I still prefer love letters over those long sweet messages. Call me old-fashioned, but I still think that sending handwritten letters are indeed romantic, and I promised myself that I'll marry that person who will give me a written love letter. 

As time goes by and as modern technology emerge, these unique courtship practices have been replaced by modern way of dating and courtship such as texting, chatting or video calling and using of online dating sites. Many people would prefer the new way of courtship and dating, but some still loves to experience the old way of courtship, it's not just about exerting more effort nor about being more romantic, it's also about preserving our rich culture that our ancestors did before.