There is a category of extremely generous people who do not spare for others and share everything they have: home, food, money, time, sometimes literally their lives. This is the case with blood and organ donors, saviors and all those who dedicate their soul and body to helping others.
But sometimes it happens that these people collapse, and from generosity and openness they become more closed and reserved. It’s not that they’re tired of giving without getting anything in return: they’re just exhausted. And that’s different.
If they have crossed their boundaries, the survival mechanism eventually sets in motion and forces them to meet those needs they have long ignored in order to help others.
Balance in giving, balance in receiving
Giving and receiving are like day and night: they are two sides of the same coin. But often those who give a lot of themselves are the ones who judge receiving as a selfish act (at least for themselves) and often find themselves in a situation where they spread and spread everything they have for the benefit of others, so they often find themselves left with nothing, not even necessary.
So, if you are not an enlightened being who succeeds in creating what he needs out of nothing, there will come a time when in return you will have to learn to open yourself to the world and gain generosity in a healthy human relationship (of any nature) based on reciprocity. considering other people's needs without denying one's own.
Not all people are naturally altruistic, there are some who are more selfish than others: it depends on their experience, on their character. For this reason, it is important that generous people act with minimal prudence to avoid exhaustion in feeding people who might prove greedy.
The difference between generosity and sacrifice in human relationships
We are exhausted when there is no real exchange and consequently the relationship dies; we spend ignoring our own needs, and in the meantime we expose ourselves to "cannibals": those who devour others without ever giving anything in return and exploit people to exhaustion.
Healthy human relationships are based on exchange, on a balance between giving and receiving, where all needs are met. Therefore, generosity remains a wonderful gift that makes us both happy, because if in the end a generous person is robbed, it is no longer generosity but a sacrifice.
Reciprocity is an important pillar on which a healthy relationship is based: this is exactly what enables people, donors and recipients, to have what they need.
In case the donor runs out of resources, the nature of the relationship will be revealed to him: in case of a predatory relationship, the recipient will disappear leaving the donor to himself; in the case of a reciprocal relationship, the roles will change and the recipient will become a donor to help the other get back on their feet.
Giving without receiving: when it is a symptom of a wound
When generosity becomes unbalanced, and a person who gives indiscriminately cannot receive in return, exhausting his psycho-physical resources, we speak of compulsive altruism.
According to studies by psychologist John Amode, there are 5 causes behind compulsive altruism:
→ Defense of intimacy. We hide behind generosity to prevent another from establishing a closer relationship with us. Imagine a person who wants to hug you while you are afraid to open up to her: you will fill her hands with thousands of things to deceive her and prevent her from approaching you. It’s a show that needs so much to hide, so much giving to avoid opening up and the risk of losing what little you think you have.
→ Maintain control. Non-receiving donation can also be a symptom of excessive control: by avoiding reciprocity, the relationship remains suspended. In this case, they give each other more of a knife than true generosity.
→ Fear of a sense of obligation. This condition has its roots in a past in which a compliment or reward is received only after the goal has been achieved; You grow up thinking that others love you only if you do something for them. On the other hand, if we find ourselves in a position to receive, we feel under a magnifying glass or a debt. → Equating income with selfishness. Religious and cultural conditioning often put the unconditionality of gifts in a bad light (it would be interesting to ask in this perspective who donations are intended for, because if someone gives, someone necessarily receives), stigmatizing people's well-being and self-realization.
→ You do not receive to avoid retaliation. This happens when it is difficult to receive a compliment, a kind gesture, and you think that behind this kindness there is necessarily another purpose; thus identifying the role of the recipient with an more unpleasant or even worse, weak position.
Generosity is a great virtue in human relationships, as long as it is based on sound principles, because unfortunately many things can be hidden behind its mask: childhood wounds, demands for affection, fears, etc. It would be enough to respect common sense: if everyone had the opportunity to give according to his abilities and receive according to his needs, relations would certainly be more balanced.
Giving and receiving is seed time and harvest time.