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Let's start October talking about love. Specifically about love as a couple. That feeling that two people share, that affective relationship that moves us, that makes us share time and live experiences with that special being. That love of two people who respect and value each other according to the balance of the relationship.
But, if that couple relationship is not what I had dreamed of? where that love that begins, manifests itself with discomfort, dependence, and psychological abuse, where freedom is lost, and no longer produces satisfaction, where that love continually makes us cry, makes us feel discomfort, makes us suffer.
When we realize that we are involved in an unhealthy, contaminated, toxic relationship, where there is no true love, at least not the one we dreamed of.
I have had many cases of people who consult me and seek guidance about the relationship they have with their loved one, people who are not yet couples but think or want in the future to have a life together.
When they tell about their "romance" and at the end of the story I ask them if in the future they imagine themselves together as a couple, and the answer is that in the future they do not see themselves next to that person, that answer is already a great indication that that person is not the right one.
It could be that they are still hoping that things will go as they planned, suddenly the need to be happy closes their mind and makes them hope that in the future when they live together things will change, and they keep the relationship with the idea that situations will change. But that is a false illusion.
I can guide you by telling you that if your loved one constantly sees everything negative about you, that you should change your whole life routine, your friends, your daily activities, for example: going for a walk, or visiting friends, that you only visit your parents or siblings. Already in fact that person is telling you that he or she doesn't accept you as you are now, that person wants you to be someone else when you join in the relationship, friend, I can only say that you are in an unhealthy or toxic relationship because that person doesn't love you as you are, he or she wants to change you.
In this type of relationship, one or both of you suffer. That person with whom you want to share makes you unhappy. That constant claim that you have to change your routine, your habits, your friendship relationship, to please the other, only causes emotional wear and tear.
Many times to avoid confrontations the person is submissive, accepts all the demands of the other person, thus avoiding that your partner is upset or displeased and thus avoids confrontations, but in the long run, it is only a self-deception, because that emotional wear will only make physical and emotional illnesses appear, such as anxiety and stress. everything changes but for the worse, your esteem drops, everything makes you sad, you leave your environment of friends and family. You become more and more exhausted until you realize that you are immersed in a toxic relationship.
There are many causes that drive a person to continue maintaining a relationship that does not make her (or him) happy and that only lives to please the other person. The submissive person has very low esteem, thinks that if he or she moves away from that person nobody will love him her, then will never be able to find another love. The submissive person is very afraid of being alone, without another love, has a great emotional dependence, has a great lack of affection, shows insecurity, fear to go on alone. And above all, The submissive person thinks that he is the solution in the other person's life, that she (or he) will solve the other person's problems.
You should never accept to stay in a toxic relationship, especially if it is just beginning. It is time to break that affective bond with that person who is not convenient, realize that, it is very important for emotional health. Whoever does not give you love, the beautiful love that you are looking for and that you deserve, does not deserve your company.
Don't allow yourself to be changed, if you don't want to change, just because of another person's whim, always be yourself, unique, original.
Always continue with your routine and friendships, but if you want to do so, let you be the one to decide with whom you should continue or not a friendship and continue in the family union, without harming anyone. Continue with your daily routine. You are valuable, you are, you don't have to prove your value to anyone. Don't let anyone disqualify you or belittle you, if they do, my friend, stay away from this toxic relationship.
"Love should be shown without pretending. Hate evil, and hold on to what is good" Romans 12:9.