Closing a Door and Opening New Paths.  

This is a true story...

Last Saturday, I was comforting a friend who was telling me very sad, that she got her divorce decree. She did not want to get divorced. She tried many times to reconcile, but her partner was willing to separate. Four years went by, until she herself finally started the legal divorce proceedings to close the cycle once and for all.

 A divorce is never easy. But if there is no other way out, you have to close the cycle and move on.  She asked me for advice on how to close that part of her life. I told her to write a letter, a letter to give thanks and to be able to go on. To heal, and to close a cycle. She said yes, she will write it. And that she would give it to him too, because she doesn't want him to come to her house anymore. Which he still does, even though he doesn't want to continue with her.

Below is the letter she wrote.

"I just received the sentence of our divorce.  Today culminates a great adventure that we started with love years ago. When we started it, we thought the affair would be until the end of our lives. But you see, it was not as we thought. Today we close a door and open separate paths. Although we will always cross moments of our lives because you are and will continue to be the father of our children. Children that cost us a lot and that at one time were so longed for and so sought after, that now they are a little piece of love that each one of us added to that mix. We cannot change that fact. And it never crossed my mind to change it either. You are the best father my children could have. I have no doubt about that.

But there are situations that do have to change. And you know they do. But it seems you need me to tell you.  I want to close this cycle of my life once and for all. And as long as you keep coming to the house and staying, as if we were still having a normal coexistence, I don't think it's healthy or advisable to close the cycle. You know I am right.

Your children will always be your children. You can come and get them as often as you want and take them to share as much time as you consider necessary. What needs to change is that you will greet them at the front door of the house. I no longer want you to come by and stay. I appreciate it. Don't come by the house anymore. I know you understand.

With my heart in my hand, I tell you that I loved you with my soul and there were many days that I thanked God for my family, my home, and my husband. Today I thank you for leaving me the most beautiful thing I have in life (our children), for all the beautiful experiences we enjoyed together, the things and good times we shared. I was very happy. Thank you for having starred with me in this chapter of my life. It only remains for me to wish you that you find the love and happiness you are looking for and if you already found it, then enjoy it. These are my best wishes.

As for me, I don't know what destiny has in store for me, but the time will come, in due time, when it will be my turn to start again a relationship with someone special in my life. I am preparing myself from now on, body and soul, for that moment. That is why I conclude as I began this letter: closing a door and opening paths. Thank you. End of chapter.


End of the letter.

I told my friend that this process is difficult and painful. A divorce always leaves feelings of loss, defeat, grief, failure. She has to let go of those feelings. It is a slow process if she wants to face it, but it is liberating once she accepts it.

Accept to move on. When I talk about accepting, I don't mean accepting her husband, I mean herself. She has to accept that a stage in her personal life is closing. She has to accept that a divorce is not a failure. It is a stage in life that did not work out and that comes to an end, to start another chapter in life.

 "Life is like a book. Some chapters are happy and some are sad. But if you never turn the page, you will not know what awaits you in the next chapter", these phrases are not mine, they are phrases taken from the page Emotional Education, on facebook.

I told my friend to take the letter and burn it as a symbol of liberation and to open new paths. She did so. She also sent a copy of the letter to her ex by WhatsApp... and then to celebrate. Celebrate a new stage. Celebrate a new chapter in the book of life.  And she, after burning the letter, went out to buy a case of beer.

What would you advise my friend to do to close this stage of her life?

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