To Live Life with a Purpose

I want to live life with a purpose,

and so I ended up wanting to be that someone I would love.

I want to live life with a purpose,

and so I ended up again, wanting to be that someone the world needs.

I want to live life with a purpose,

and so I ended up for the last time, wanting to be that someone my family wants me to be.

Torn to thirds: I never thought wanting to live a life with purpose would be a challenge.

I still have a year to think thorough. But in the wasted days I assisted myself into thinking, I always ended up with the thought to be practical on pushing a course I would pursue. Because after all this is the Philippines, admit it or not, is still a taboo, ignorant, and has low job opportunities.

If I were a child now, I would be aiming to dream high. Dreaming to have a Degree on Fine Arts would be the biggest. However, I needed to be practical, pursuing Fine Arts would be risky, too risky... in many ways. I could not afford taking risk without calculating how high the fall.

I am toughened through years and dreaming high, I realized, is absurd. A kind of shallow aiming only for kids. Hence, I started to think further. I started dreaming deep for a future with a purpose, one that could help people, one that could benefit the world and not just myself.

So, I aspire to pursue Medicine. It is in this way that I see myself has a purpose to help others. I was good in science, I am my best self with science. A curious kid always been, now a curious lady still.

However, with science having a lot of branches, as usual I had my troubles. This is the worst part of me up until now I could not erase easily, a lifetime hindrance: being indecisive. I had trouble what field of Science I have to focus myself. What specifics I would study: Astronomy or Medicine.

I first thought of Astronomy, after all, it has been my childhood dream to become an Astronaut. It was a childhood dream I never intended to let go. Who wouldn't be fascinated with the universe's wonder and mystery? As a kid, I always wanted to go to the outer space, or to seek answers for the questions the universe left to us. But then, as I grew older I realized we couldn't afford to send me into a school whereas I could be able to reach my first love, my first dream. I realized as well that maybe it wasn't really for me, maybe in an alternate universe I will become a great astronaut and a scientist, and I would love myself for that. But, here in this lifetime, I guess that the universe is readying me for something—all I need to do is to seek an answer once more.

Meanwhile, Medicine was an outcome of my "dreaming deep", I needed a purpose, and I found a purpose in Medicine. Medicine is again vast. And once again I was torn with options—options I love, options that are need to be excluded later on.

I am interested on helping stray animals because whenever I see one abandoned it's like crushing my heart into pieces that I will begin to shed tears out of pity for that poor thing. Being a Veterinarian would be for a greater cause, I want to be a public Veterinarian if given the chance to help stray animals in many ways for free.

On the other hand, Psychology is on my top list. Everything around me is in the state of taboo, even the word psychology is a taboo for most people here in my place. Therefore, I want to break the stigma whereas people with mental illness can FREELY ask for help and guidance. I want to give awareness so that people with mental issues can be easily understood by the people around. I also want to have a free clinic for those who cannot afford expensive check-ups.

However, any of these two requires a lot of expenses, the reason why I am torn to decide is because of the lack of job opportunities here in the Philippines. I as well have been discriminated with these choices, they said "walang kang mapapala sa mga iyan, wag na lang," or "you wouldn't gain anything from it, don't bother trying". But regardless with those discrimination I get from people who are ironically my relatives, I keep on dreaming still, moving forward to find my calling.

Lastly, I want to be a nurse. But, truth to tell, I had my hesitations before when I think of myself pursuing Nursing. It has not been my first love, it WAS my family who suggested it to me because it is on-demand, and because of the job opportunities whether local or abroad. It required months of thinking before I finally started to consider it and studied about how things work in Nursing. I then love it for the following days and months of getting it to know. It is what matters most, loving a course, becoming it as a dream course, dreaming deep with that course, and a course who will give a purpose.

I seek for a call, or maybe I already found out what is for me, I just need to decide and stand for myself and for what I want to be.

I will not rush, but I will make my future better.

Thus, I want this to be my calling, to help prolong a life. And I think, all I need to find out is to which specific my calling is. On what ways and how.

I also realized that to be able to balance my passion and profession, all I need is to be passionate as well with the course I will pursue. In addition to that, I can still write, draw, paint, sing, or dance while pursuing my chosen course, as a hobby, as a work, as a breather.

Renésmee Neverfound ㅤ

An aspirant writer and artist. To be found is my greatest dream and never be lost. Hi, I am @rene.neverfound, you can call me Rene or Esme if you like. I specialized in prose-poetry and poetry, and now I am trying new things and writing styles. I love learning! I am a 17-year-old girl living life in the Philippines. I am a total bookworm and a grade 12 student with an undying passion for writing and art.

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photo used from Pixabay