“The truth is, you don’t break a bad habit; you replace it with a good one.”

Daily habit leads to long-term growth. Every single thing we do on daily basis counts, they add something- good or bad in life and gradually impact our whole life. Knowing and understanding this is not enough to change and adopt habits. Because in real life, it challenging to do so.

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If I talk about myself then I have to say, I was always proud of myself that I never had to struggle with changing myself. I always had the strength within me to command myself to do things.

But life changes and so as I...

Some recent incidents made me feel disconnected from life. I'm going through some physical and mental health issues which I still don't feel comfortable talking about. Those made my life full of struggle, a struggle that you may not get to see in bear eyes. I look perfect outside but deep inside huge things going on.

While dealing with this, going through some medication; I lost the connection with life. I don't feel the inspiration I used to feel to roll in life. And this brings a huge change to my daily life.

I became lazy, demotivated to do daily things, never feel the inspiration to start a new thing, talk with people, go outside...

All I do is pour my time into some useless things like scrolling through my social media feed. Yes, it's a shame to approve but for the past two years, I got addicted to my mobile phone. I don't connect with any people over there, usually avoid seeing anyone's life updates. All I do is, hide from the world and see useless stuff on my screen. I see Youtube shorts hours after hours and watch Facebook videos that have no value.

I do all this to occupy my brain so I don't have to think about my life struggle.

I know what I'm doing wrong, what could help me to get rid of this. But I don't feel like doing so. I'm not ready to face my real problem rather it's better to hide under my screen!

Believe me, I feel bad every day. After wasting time, compromising with many other things, I feel like s*it. It's a continuous struggle to motivate myself to put off my phone and do other things.

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I know I need to deal with my real problems so I don't have to hide, try to forget things, and occupy my brain to not think about the things I don't want to. But I'm not succeeding.

Motivation is what gets you started when it comes to habit change.

Every day I'm trying to motivate myself, sometimes it works but most of the time it's not. I know I need to develop some positive habits so I can stay ahead in this battle. I'm trying to involve myself in reading, and gardening but those are not attracting me much or I would say nothing actually attracts me anymore. I need to do meditation like before or maybe yoga will help me. But I still do not feel like starting those things.

But I know I need to try. I'm the one who always talks positively but deep inside this is what I am. I have a son and feel blessed and all. But it's a struggle, a pain to get rid of some traumatic memories and start a positive life.

I'm working on fixing things, fixing my inner self. Hope things will get better gradually.