Do you know what hell week is?

For students, it’s a week full of deadlines for school work, and exams. Hell week isn’t just for school because it also happens at work.

I just experienced one from October 1 to 8 – my worst week as a journalist this year.

This blog is far from what I wrote before – nothing about fitness, writing tips, or property investment. I just need to pour my heart out because what I feel becomes heavier in the chest.

I Lost My Self

It’s the busiest week for all Filipino journalists as we mark the beginning of the election season in the Philippines. Aspirants file their candidacies for next year’s elections on the first week of October 2021.

From October 1 until 8, it was a warzone in the newsroom because a lot was happening. The problem was, I was the only soldier in this war.

I was assigned to single-handedly produce and supervise our breaking news coverage for the filing of certificates of candidacy of Presidential and Vice Presidential aspirants. That’s on top of the two regular news programs that I handle every day.

I wrote the scripts, coordinated with the news anchor, prepared downstream headlines, asked field correspondents to report, made prompt decisions, created scenario scripts because a lot of surprises were possible, and many other responsibilities. I was doing a job meant for 3 people. I had to do and endure all of those alone because we lacked manpower due to the pandemic.

I just looked at the situation as a challenge that I needed to conquer and finish. After all, what I was doing was for the Filipino people and our country’s future.

But I lost myself in the process. I had been disregarding this emotion because I needed to be strong. The team needed me to be. Being weak wasn’t an option. Until one day, I snapped and lost myself. I didn’t know who I was anymore.

It was on Wednesday night while I was walking in a mall, I got emotional and teary-eyed because I felt that I wasn’t me. I didn’t know who I was! I was asking myself about my purpose in life, but no answer came. I was even clueless about where my feet were taking me inside the mall. I was empty. Naubos ako ng trabaho ko. When I got in my room, I cried because I couldn’t take it anymore.

I Went Back To My Old Self

I couldn’t blame anyone for what I was going through. I chose to be here. I needed to set aside my emotion to do my responsibility as a journalist.

It was hard to put my job first more than my own well-being. But I had to. I needed to compromise. That’s why I ended up going back to my old self – the fat guy who binges on food to deal with stress.

I ate a lot.

I instantly gained 2kg within a week.

That’s because every after my work shift, I rushed to different fast-food restaurants to eat processed and oily food. I skipped the healthy meals that I prepared. I preferred the salty, sweet, and unhealthy ones.

On that same night when I cried, I was able to eat a pint of avocado ice cream after finishing a Korean meal in one sitting. After that, I ate 2 big bags of chips and a whole pack of cookies all by myself while watching a film. The next day, I went to a coffee shop to eat some fried food and 3 slices of different cakes. Before that, I already ate a large cup of soy snack.

Friday was the worst. I only ate one meal the entire day.

Last day filers were flooding the COMELEC filing venue on Friday. So, I had to standby the entire day for the back-to-back breaking news. The control room became my nest. I stayed inside while waiting for the aspirants. I forgot about eating because something might happen that I didn’t want to miss while I was at the pantry.

I missed my breakfast, lunch, and meryenda. I only had dinner that day. I couldn’t help but pity myself because I was able to eat at 6 PM when the filing of candidacies officially closed. I couldn’t fight the urge to eat fast food again so I ordered 6 chicken nuggets, a big chicken fillet with rice, and a chocolate sundae.

My health was compromised.

I was completely lost in my nutrition. But not only that, I wasn’t able to work out too because I had no time. Tuesdays and Thursdays were supposed to be dedicated to jogging. But I skipped it because I was too tired and stressed to do it.

Sometimes, I tried completing 10,000 steps before ending my day but it was hard to achieve. Instead of going out for a walk, I just went straight to my room, ordered some food or sleep.

I slept with my office clothes on.

I was also restless the entire week. My sleeping pattern was ruined. There were times when I just went straight to bed after eating and falling asleep without even noticing it.

It was the call of nature that only woke me in the middle of the night. Whenever I opened my eyes, I was surprised to see that the same polo and pants I wore in the office were still on. I forgot to change my clothes because I was just so tired. I even missed washing my face and brushing and flossing my teeth! I also skipped preparing my breakfast and meryenda for the coming days. I had dishes left unwashed for 2 days because I was just so lazy to do my errands.

Whenever I woke up in the middle of the night, I couldn’t find sleep anymore so I was awake until the wee hours until it became a cycle. If you noticed, I was able to publish some articles at 1AM or 2AM because that was the time that I was still awake and writing.

 I couldn’t use my noise.cash and read.cash accounts

My job didn’t stop after my shift. I had to continue monitoring the news online to prepare for tomorrow’s work. That’s why I couldn’t browse and engage in my noise.cash, read.cash, and other social media accounts the entire Friday. I just didn’t have the time anymore. Reading and commenting on some articles and posts meant hours of not sleeping.

I’m the kind of person who doesn’t want to share rants on social media and even to people in my circle because I don’t want to pass the negativity. I don’t talk about what I feel because I fear that I am just letting the stress enter someone’s mind and body.

But this is wrong. What I feel is valid and has to be expressed. I really need to improve in this aspect.

How I Dealt With It

This is truly my roughest week of the year. I hope this will not happen again. But I doubt it because the election season is just starting. At least, I have learned some lessons which I can apply if the hell week repeats. I also found my own ways on how to deal with it.

Watch a romantic film.

I had been reading and hearing the news all week. Watching a romantic film helped me escape reality. It had been a while since I saw one. I didn’t regret spending my 2 hours on that film. My mind was refreshed and relaxed when I finished it.

Just do nothing.

I spent my Friday night being a couch potato, doing nothing and not planning for the coming weekend. I just ate, watched the film, sleep, and did the same thing the next day.

Avoid Facebook and Twitter.

Mainstream social media sites are so toxic these days especially that the campaign season is approaching. You can only see people hating each other over a politician. That’s why avoiding it for some time helps my mind to recover.

Motivate yourself.

The media is playing a crucial role in shaping our country's future. Filipino voters need to know the facts about the politicians that they'll be going to vote for. We have the responsibility to assure that we are heading towards a bright future.

This serves as my inspiration and motivation to finish the hard tasks with limited manpower. I can't stop because I have countrymen to serve.

Write.

Writing is therapeutic for me. I love hearing the keyboard clicking. This is also the other way that I can express myself especially the deepest of my emotions. That’s the reason why I’ve published this blog. I needn't earnings and eyes for this article because all I wanted to do is to express how I felt and forgo the stress.

But if you read this from start to finish, thank you! It almost feels like I have found a real friend in this virtual world. Now, you know me better and my profession which is not cool as it seems.

When was the last time that you had a hell week? Tell me in the comment section below!